I figured since I made it past Halloween that he was gone from my life. Most sociopaths leave after they have used up all the resources of their current victim. However, we have a strange bond I have yet to put my finger on. Being involved with a sociopath is a difficult and strenuous game. I would not recommend playing this game at all. It’s too easy to lose direction, your goal and most important your sanity. I have been sick for about 4 weeks now. Coughing most of the night, not sleeping well. I heard my phone vibrate, since I was already awake I figured I would look at it.
The text was from Charlie
“don’t know me still??!!
I know you! wassup?
mhmmm. wtf u been doing? not talking to me i know that much. but anything else interesting?
I figured you were busy.
(I lied) nothing interesting, just been sick the last few weeks. wassup with you besides drama?!
lol IDGAF everyone’s always in my biz but they always twist it up.
that’s the truth. what I hate is folks telling me about your shit. like one of your exes telling me you gave her your new number.
aha. she never used it. thing is that folks always add on to the story they tell about me.
true again. the stories are never boring for sure.
oh no?! why would they be that? hafta make juicy.
it’s what we used to do, back in the day. then onto drinks, partying all long and running & gunning.
mmm tacos. not sure. I have other commitments (which I do, every night).
ahhh well just saying. well let me know when u can get away then…love to hang out with you again.”
Here is where I begin to see some of the motivation behind his contact. The holidays soon approach, I was the one who can most relate to his loneliness and despair during the holiday season. I also know that he must be without a current victim. Someone who he calls, sucks up to to get what he needs & wants. Whatever that might be at the time. Otherwise he wouldn’t be texting me.
“it would be fun hanging with you too. but don’t think i would be able to anytime soon. we are so dysfunctional.
well, duh!!! well i’m sure u can work it out. U ALWAYS do!!!
true. but I’m trying to be responsbile. aren’t you working?
yup. i’m here. tired, bored and hungry.
Anything else new with you, that i don’t know about?
all about US!!! DUH
yes it is. there is always motivation behind all of our selfish actions.
This is where I let him know that I am aware of his selfishly motivated need to reach out to me. He wants or needs something from me, but what that is I am not sure of yet.
naaa. nothing really new. just working on that old case from C. (the crazy cunt, i call her). I hired a new lawyer.
oh. that case isn’t closed yet?! damn almost a year now.
nope. ain’t closed yet. they wanna gimme 1-3 and i ain’t going to the joint because of some crazy bitch.
(He sends me a photo of himself & a new girl in costume from this past Halloween).
oh your new girl? how cute.
nah just a friend.
i aint your momma or wife aint gotta lie
FRIEND! she already told me i’m too flirty with everyone so she could never be with me
you can wear her down, if you wanted too. if you go to jail, i’ll write you! lol
lol better come SEE me! yeah and u know babe, THAT’s too much work for me to try & wear them wear down
I ain’t driving more than 50 miles! lol there is always another one standing in line behind her.
ppl like us always have our next victim ready, move on to the next after bleeding the first dry.
This is my way of letting him know I still remember what he’s all about. How he acts, how he thinks.
lol ain’t gotta put it all like that honey. but it’s true.
it’s what we do and who we are.
I used to think like this, at times I still do. It just really depends on the person. Anymore, it’s just a matter of time before they leave my life. There are few actual friends that I have remaining in my life, for whatever the reason. I’ve been told on numerous occasions that I’m mean, heartless and at times manipulative. I will remain loyal to those friends who are in my life. I will do what I can, when I can. I will always be there for them when I can. It’s those others who for some reason, don’t click with me are the ones that don’t remain in my life.
ah well, guess it is what it is. just know i’m done with that love shit! never worked for me! see you should come out here to the parking lot…dark… secluded and i miss your lips!!!
And here we are! the admission of never longer looking for love and waiting me to visit him. His offering of a hint of what he thinks I crave & desire from him.
This is an old post that I found buried in my drafts folder. This was last year around this time. We started falling apart after this time period. As long toxic and dysfunctional relationships we couldn’t seem to let go of each other until we had no choice in the matter. Sadly, I keep thinking I can replace him with someone. How twisted is that?! Like most recovering junkies I’m trying to find another fix, but there isn’t one. This is all part of the insanity, torn in two.
I have written the end to this chapter of Charlie.