Why isn’t One Man Enough?

If you are a regular reader of mine, you already know about Mr. Sam.

Last week Mr. Sam hit a rough patch in our friendship. The next day I unloaded most of my emotional wreckage onto my Beloved. He sat there listening to me babble on about Mr. Sam. I think my Beloved thought that the newness of Mr Sam would wear off. However, it has not. Although Mr Sam tends to get under my skin, so does my Beloved so that’s not a big deal. My Beloved knows I get bored with life, friends, family and activities.sassycat3000, latina, sexblogger, relationships, lovers, affairs, wayward

Boredom is my main trigger that gets me into major trouble when I don’t keep a close eye on it. I can get into a lot of trouble when I’m bored. Is that the same as being bored with one man? I believe we were never met to be monogamous. Does that mean we get bored with one partner? I have become bored with my Beloved? Maybe. Routine. Is that boredom. Is it that I am a different person now that I was when I first married him? I think I am a little different, not much. I think that the woman I am now was hiding all those years ago.

My beloved & I have gotten into a comfortable marital rut. You know, routines, patterns and competency. And what is my trigger? Right, boredom. Routines and patterns cause boredom. Through out our marriage I have always had another man in the background. I refer that guy to “the drunk I need in my life.” Because 9 times out of 10 the guy who is in the background is some addict, mainly alcoholics. They provide the chaos and drama I need to keep me going.

Looking back to the early 2000’s when my life hit the skids, when I had my mid-life crisis. It was then I used the internet to escape from reality. I met a few men, through social sites I was on. These men don’t haunt me like they used too. The ones that are fresh in my memory are my 805muse, he was around for almost 7 years. A daily dose of my drunken muse, until he reconnected with sobriety and his cult the JW’s. Not sure about the time frame, but then enters Charlie. Charlie comes back into my life, having his drunk ass in my life was wonderful UNTIL his toxicity contaminated me after years of being clean. I enjoyed having Charlie in my life. However we both knew it was time to end it. So we did just that.

In October 2016 I met Mr. Sam. He has consumed a lot of my time since our meeting. I have neglected so much work, chores and other things. We text during the day when I’m at home. We text in the last evenings before I go to bed. Mr. Sam is always there. There was a few weekends ago when I kicked him to the curb for something I pushed him to do. After a night of thinking I might have lost him, I cried to my Beloved about losing my background guy.  I’m not sure what my Beloved was expecting with this new man in the background at all. I like having Mr Sam in my life, I know he’s always there for me when I need him. He listens, we laugh a lot, we party together and we can understand each other on a different level than my Beloved and I. I really do love Mr Sam, in my own crazy way, more so than the others. I really would hate to give him up. I can’t see what life would be like without him, yet I know deep in my heart – nothing lasts forever.

The morning I cried to my Beloved about Mr Sam, I asked him “why can you be enough? Why isn’t one man enough for me? What’s wrong with me, I feel the need to have two men or sometimes more in my life at all times?” I felt horrible about saying that to him, had he said I would have died. He sat there and listened, comforting me as I cried about the possibility of losing the other man in my life. What sick & twisted shit is this?

Mr Sam looked at me at said “You just want to combine me & your Beloved into one man, into your perfect man.” I laughed and smiled and asked “is that possible?” LOL. Deep in my heart I know this will not end how I envisioned it, but will probably end in more tears and shattered hearts than happily ever after. I wish I knew why one man is not enough for me.

This was Wicked Wednesday’s Prompt #248 

My Monthly Beauty Box Subscription Addiction

I love getting stuff in the mail. Can anyone tell me that they don’t like getting packages in the mail? Bills don’t count.

A few months back, like in October I wanted to get some new mascara. I had wanted to try some new makeup products but never seem to be able to afford some of the products. I also wanted to be able to write some reviews on some new products.

Then I was scrolling through my old websites and found one site I had forgotten all about. I logged on and looked around, signed up to receive a few beauty boxes a month. The price varies on the company box. I also signed up during the holidays when the deals were pretty good. I didn’t have to pay full prices on some of the monthly boxes.

I signed up for the Wal-Mart Box. Target Beauty Box. Allure Box and Ipsy Glam Bag. I had to stop because it could get expensive especially when the boxes are $10 each. The Wal-Mart box is $5 and is sent out every three months and the others are monthly.

I received the Wal-Mart Beauty Box first back in October of 2016. The first Wal-Mart box was mostly all lotions, which was really ok because winter was coming and so was the dry skin. Then I moved onto the Ipsy Glam Bag and the Target Beauty Box in November. And now around every mid-month I receive a new Ipsy Bag and a new Allure Beauty Box. The Target Beauty box must be ordered monthly, which is ok. You get to see ahead time what’s inside so you don’t have to order it if it’s not something you want or need.

I had planned on starting to review the boxes, but you have how I’ve been lately. A mess, unorganized and undisciplined when it comes to my writing and blogging. I really need to be cock slapped.

I like the Allure Beauty Boxes the best. Their “samples” are at the higher end, if you know what I mean. For March I received the following items…march allure beauty box, sassycat3000, latina blogger, subscription addiction, monthly samples,

  • Akar Skin Ruby Tint Lip Butter – There is a code on the box for 20% off my first purchase. 100% natural & organic. Not bad for the lips, I will use it up.
  • Derma E Vitamin C Concentrated Serum – I will always use an anti-aging serum every chance I get. I like this product.
  • John Frieda Luxurious Volume 7 day Volume in-shower treatment – Haven’t used this yet, but I’m pretty sure I wont be disappointed.
  • Londontown Lakur Enhanced Colour -“Cheerio” is the color I received a sheer pinkish color.
  • Londontown Kur Nourishing Cuticle Oil – This is great stuff. I love it. Winter is always hard on my hands, so this came at a great time now that spring is here.
  • Secret Invisible Solid Cool Waterlily Deodorant. A sample, which is ok. I like trying new stuff.

There wasn’t anything in the Allure Box that I didn’t like. Each month you get a new bag to use, some are cute and some aren’t. Mostly they’re intended for you to use as a compact makeup bag. I use them for all sorts of other things.

 In the Ipsy Bag, my favorite product is…

march ipsy glam bag, sassycat3000, latina blogger, beauty box, subscription addiction, monthly, samples

  • Tarteist™ quick dry matte lip paint – Vibin(wine) color. The color lasts long, matte. I’m really getting into these matte lip paints.

Target’s Beauty Box for March I received the following…

  • Missha Time Revolution First Treatment Essence
  • Soapbox Bamboo Shampoo & Conditioner target beauty box, sassycat300, latina blogger, beauty porducts, subscription addiction
  • Jergens Natural Glow Wet Skin Moisturizer – This is my favorite product out of the box. In the winter my skin gets so dry that I would use baby oil before drying off with a towel then adding the lotion before getting dressed. But this lotion is GREAT! I rub it in before drying off and I don’t have to add anymore moisturizing products to my skin after that. I loved it so much that I went out and purchased a large bottle.
  • Dove Volume & Fullness Dry Shampoo
  • Neutrogena Hydro Boost Lip Shine – This is ok. A bit waxy, sticky on the lips. Makes me rub my lips together a lot.
  • Skinfix Foaming Oil Cleaner – I like this facial cleaner as well. A very small dab of cleaner goes a long way.

My favorite box is the Allure Beauty Box.

You get more bang for your buck as well as a variety of products. There is a booklet that comes inside that tells you all about your products. It’s a draw between the Target & Ipsy Bag and lastly the Wal-Mart Beauty Box. The Wal-Mart box is only $5 and really is a great deal for some samples. If I could afford it (monthly) I would subscribe to FabFitFun Box but that’s $49.99. Can’t afford it yet! I just might have to add the Birchbox though because that one is only $10 a month.

 

What are My Strengths? [BFMH]

So what are my character strengths? It’s always difficult to answer these type of questions. I got help with this and took a very intense questionnaire to get the following results. Starting with my top strength, the following are my top 5.

  1.  Humor & Playfulness – Like to laugh and tease, bringing smiles to those that are important. I try to see the lighter side of the situation.  Not sure if this is correct because I don’t always look at the lighter side of intense situations not when it involves me. However, yes, for those in my inner circle I will try to make them laugh because it’s a way for me to cope with the situation and to cope with the fact that my loved one suffering whether emotional, physical or spiritual, etc.
  2.  Judgement, Critical Thinking and Open-Mindedness – Thinking things through and examining it from all sides are important aspects of who I am. I don’t jump to conclusions and I rely on solid evidence to make my decisions. Yes, this is true. I need the facts, just the facts to make my decision about an important situation. I need as much information as I can get and process. However, when I hear the word “judgement”, I think of judging others. Most of my close friends tell me I judge harshly. I try not too, but if someone is making a decision and I have already told them it’s bad, then I judge. Rolling my eyes at them, go help them if they try to share their shit with me after the damage has been done.
  3.  Capability to Love and Be Loved – I value close relations with others, those in which sharing & caring are reciprocated. The people I feel closest to are those people who feel closest to me. True. I ask myself a lot what is love because there are times I feel numb. I doubt that the feelings I have felt for others is love, friendship. However, I will not tolerate a one-sided relationship of any kind. I will end it if I feel I am giving of myself (too much) and getting nothing in return. I may not contact my close friend daily  but when they reach out, I am always there for them.sassycat3000, latina, mental health, emotional, moody, black and white brunette, depressed
  4.  Social Intelligence – I am aware of the motives & the feelings of other people. I know what to do to fit into different social settings and I know what to do to put others at ease. Yeah, this is true. However, I can go deep into this topic. First thing that came to me, is that I want to fit in and belong to a group. When I don’t get that right away I find it challenging to make it a goal to fit in. Once I get into the group, I tend break from that mold they want their members to fit into and get pushed back out of the group. But by then I no longer am interested in being part of that group. Two; I always say “there is a motive for every human action.” I want to know what’s pushing them to do what they do. Most of the time I can feel what my close friends are feeling, I try to turn the tables so they can then see it from the other side. However, most of the time I can’t do this for myself. I need someone to turn the table for me.
  5.  Honest, Authenticity and Genuineness – I am an honest person. Not only by speaking, but by living an authentic & genuine life. I am down to earth and without pretense. I am a “real” person. I would disagree with this one. I am honest with it benefits me. I can be brutally honest to where I unintentionally hurt the other persons feelings.  I do not live a truthful, authentic life. I did once upon a time, now I’m lying to myself and others.

Spending time behind Bars….

Well….what the fuck?!

Where have you been hiding?

More like who have you been hiding under?

Most of ya’ll should know that Mr. Sam is keep me occupied from my boredom. OH there’s that word. I recently learned in my brief return to therapy or counseling which ever term you prefer to use, that the word boredom is one of my triggers.

I have not learned any solutions – yet. Still working on my homework & research for that.

My Beloved knows how quickly I get bored. How easily I can be distracted as well. Mostly he knows how important it is to be able to just feel the wind on my face & through my hair. Thoughts, ideas and other stuff fill my head. Listening for some answers from the universe. There is only one way I know how to do this. Riding a motorcycle. But the two that he’s bought for me in the past few years just don’t feel as comfortable as I would like my bike to feel.

latina. sexblogger, northern illinois, wind therapy, 2005 Harley dyna super glide

Suffering from PTSD from my motorcycle accident I tend to be skittish on my bike. It has to fit good for me now to ease the flashbacks. He located a 2005 Harley Davidson Dyna Super Glide and purchased it for me.

It’s perfect. Well, almost. The seat does spread me, causing me to walk as if I had been fucked every which way. Other than that its great. So Friday when I was supposed to meet up with Mr. Sam I went for a ride, by myself. Did I mention I had been (and still am) sick with a cough due to post nasal drip?

I’m riding every chance I get. Still a bit afraid of the traffic and the flashbacks but I push myself forward. I’m seeking answers for the questions that I really don’t want answers too.

latina, sexblogger, wind therapy, mental health awareness,

PS….Thanks to Damon @5150silverback for the riding goggles!!! GO FOLLOW him…he’s an awesome efriend & twitter mate!!!

Dreaming [SS301]

I haven’t posted anything in what feels like days, weeks and months. Why is that? I have been involved with Mr.Sam. We are remaining friends with a strong & dangerous sexual attraction.

We’ve gone over the boundaries of our friendship. Dealing with the bar life gossip. Going to doctor’s appointments, being unwell for a day or so. The craziest part of this past week was when I heard that Charlie returned from camp and doesn’t have to go to “college.” Now I’m sure that I will be seeing him sooner than I want to, especially with Mr. Sam.

Just distracted this week….but I made time to dream….

Dreaming, latina, masturbate, breast, black and white photo, amateur erotic photo, sinful sunday

 

 

Sinful Sunday

Mental Health and Recycling [podcast]

Below are some of the highlights to this podcast!

Talking about mental health, going to back to therapy to get some help or a redirect on my mental illness. I thought it would be a great idea, for a redirect or a refresher course on my issues. But instead it turned out to be worse than I thought. I felt depressed and just plain icky after leaving my session. Not sure how much more I am willing to invest in proceeding any further with all of this.

Recycling. My idea may not be a popular one, but I do think that some that it could work. However, is it too late to even start seriously thinking about recycling on this planet?

If you have any suggestions for topics …leave a comment.

And as always,

Thanks for listening…..Laterness People!

Day 5 of 365 Thankful for my Fans

Every so often I get a message from a fan or follower. Most of the time it has a dick photo attached.dick, penis, sexblogger, instagram, latina,

And I add those to my collection of cock

.See. See, look at the cock! He’s so proud of his cock. Not bad, but I blurred it out to protect the guilty.

And then there is those messages that I like to share. I know that the photos below, don’t really count towards my 365, but I’m including them anyway.

Now …. yesterday I recorded a podcast because someone had suggested I make that one (only) of my New Years resolutions.

Later that evening I received this tweet on twitter. @5150Silverback on twitter is one of my top fans/followers. He’s intelligent, funny and generous. What’s not to adore about him?

The second was a message I received on Instagram for a man who goes by @cactusdqp on Instagram. Go check out his Facebook page called Rural Photography.

I really appreciate this love & support. It’s the little things that tickle my pretty pink places!

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