Dreaming [SS301]

I haven’t posted anything in what feels like days, weeks and months. Why is that? I have been involved with Mr.Sam. We are remaining friends with a strong & dangerous sexual attraction.

We’ve gone over the boundaries of our friendship. Dealing with the bar life gossip. Going to doctor’s appointments, being unwell for a day or so. The craziest part of this past week was when I heard that Charlie returned from camp and doesn’t have to go to “college.” Now I’m sure that I will be seeing him sooner than I want to, especially with Mr. Sam.

Just distracted this week….but I made time to dream….

Dreaming, latina, masturbate, breast, black and white photo, amateur erotic photo, sinful sunday

 

 

Sinful Sunday

Mental Health and Recycling [podcast]

Below are some of the highlights to this podcast!

Talking about mental health, going to back to therapy to get some help or a redirect on my mental illness. I thought it would be a great idea, for a redirect or a refresher course on my issues. But instead it turned out to be worse than I thought. I felt depressed and just plain icky after leaving my session. Not sure how much more I am willing to invest in proceeding any further with all of this.

Recycling. My idea may not be a popular one, but I do think that some that it could work. However, is it too late to even start seriously thinking about recycling on this planet?

If you have any suggestions for topics …leave a comment.

And as always,

Thanks for listening…..Laterness People!

Day 5 of 365 Thankful for my Fans

Every so often I get a message from a fan or follower. Most of the time it has a dick photo attached.dick, penis, sexblogger, instagram, latina,

And I add those to my collection of cock

.See. See, look at the cock! He’s so proud of his cock. Not bad, but I blurred it out to protect the guilty.

And then there is those messages that I like to share. I know that the photos below, don’t really count towards my 365, but I’m including them anyway.

Now …. yesterday I recorded a podcast because someone had suggested I make that one (only) of my New Years resolutions.

Later that evening I received this tweet on twitter. @5150Silverback on twitter is one of my top fans/followers. He’s intelligent, funny and generous. What’s not to adore about him?

The second was a message I received on Instagram for a man who goes by @cactusdqp on Instagram. Go check out his Facebook page called Rural Photography.

I really appreciate this love & support. It’s the little things that tickle my pretty pink places!

Interior – The Dive Bar

When you walk inside you can’t help but to notice the untreated hard wood floors. The wood-paneled walls, the pool tables and the bathroom doors with huge wooden handles that look like they’re from the Viking period.

Continuing to walking you see the most beautiful tables. The tables are cuts made from trees. Odd shaped, bark still on the sides and covered in a thick shellac. A few slot machines are there for those who enjoy to toss their money away.

interior, barlife,

At the bar there is an overload of visual stimuli. There are stickers plastered all over the glass door that leads inside the walk-in cooler. There is a beer barrel sticking out of the wall with a tap on it for the beer of the week. There is random candy boxes, potato chips and other snacks placed on the bar. The top of the bar is covered with bottles and bottles of every sort of alcohol.

There is a tiny cooler that keeps cold single bottles of wine, such as Barefoot. There are single bottles of Henry’s Hard Soda, Mike’s Hard varieties. And different flavored beer like the blueberry stuff, which is totally gross.

interior, barlife,

The Interior of this dive bar has always been interesting, dark and reminded me of something out of the 70’s that hasn’t caught up to present day. A person can’t sit there and not find something to stare at. Whether its one of the big screen TV’s or if it’s any of the bizarre, unique and quirky items hanging somewhere in that bar.

The Mental Torment of A Lustful Wife

Spending the NYE with Mr. Sam and it was all fun until he asked,

“Can I see you tomorrow for a little?”

I replied with “are you seriously asking to see me tomorrow?”

“Yes is that ok?”

“No I don’t normally leave my house on Sunday.”

“Ok.”

“Thanks for understanding.” 

He replied “I said ok not that I understand.”

And with that statement I felt fearful. Fearful for how this could end in the future. For one of those men who will do anything and I mean anything to keep me from leaving. Whether it’s through emotional manipulation or physical violence.  He sounded like he may be joking but the truth often comes out in jest.copyright2016@sassycat3000.net, Borderline, BPD, moody, unstable relationships, empty.

I also thought that how I do things so that people will like me, not to leave me and accept me. But the rational part of my brain tells me different. The mental torment in my mind is overwhelming. I also think that it’s so unfair for me to put this all on my Beloved. Because he is the one who will end up “fixing” my fuck up. Borderline people don’t mean to hurt their loved ones its just something that happens due in most part to their impulsive behavior. When the borderline is accepting to feed their ego, things get out of control fast.

I want the sex from Mr. Sam, but not at the cost of my home security. But I still want the sex. To feel the heat from his body, to feel each forceful thrust, to smell him, taste him. I wanna feel all those chemicals released in my brain, to feel high from the sex.

But pain and disloyalty I would cause my Beloved would break my heart. He doesn’t deserve this treatment from me, he’s done everything to please me, to accept me and mostly to love me.

READ MORE ABOUT Mr. SAM HERE

I just have to figure out how to get out of this mess I created for myself. Discreetly, gracefully. And mostly I don’t want to hurt Mr. Sam. He’s a fragile, kind and thoughtful person. He does have a good heart. Maybe misguided, misunderstood he’s still a human being with feelings.

He is hard to get a read on, most men I can figure out rather quickly not Mr. Sam. Perhaps that’s why I cant let him go. The need to find out what makes him tick is strong. Ugh. WTF! Someone just kick me in the head.

 

Examples of BPD symptoms in the above are….

  • The inability to say NO. Borderlines are afraid to say no out of fear of rejection, judgment.
  • Relationships: A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
  • Attachment fears.
  • Addiction to chaos and drama.
  • Lying and deceitfulness, mixed messages, self-contradicting.
  • Self-sabotage.

 

[I pledge my commitment to the Blog for Mental Health 2017 (2014 Project). I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others. By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health. I use this to promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma].

Day 1 – Only on Sunday

Bacon. Who doesn’t love a heart attack waiting to happen?

Today I’m eating one of my favorite snacks from my childhood. Tacos … a bacon wrapped tortilla. I do miss my grandma’s homemade tortillas.

We don’t make bacon that often and when we do it’s only on Sunday.

day 1 of 365, photoaday, bacon, cast iron skillet, breakfast, copyright2017@sassycat3000.net, iphongrapghy

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