E[Lust] 90


Photo courtesy of Rebel’s Notes

Welcome to Elust 90

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #91 Start with the rules, come back February 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Conflicted part 1

Glow

Happy Endings

 

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Please You to Please Me

How to suck my cock – part 1 (attitude)

 

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Visions of Sugarplums

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

 

Writing About Writing

The Curious Case of Trigger Warnings
Writing About It All

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

PLEASING THE MISTRESS
Reader Q&A: Dominant women struggle, turn-ons
Chastity Questions
Not every hole is a goal

Erotic Non-Fiction

A Picture is Worth…
Morning Stretch
Lovemaking Almost Too Brilliant To Describe
The GP
I Want
Indescribable Pleasure
Humiliating an ex-Nazi: Raylene’s 2nd dozen
Preparation
I love big, fat dicks

Erotic Fiction

Dude, You’re Wet!
When Love Becomes a Weakness
On a Silver Platter
The Silent Treatment
A Seasonal Affair
Three in a Stall
Schoolgirl Uniform
The New Principal 4: Escape

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Anal Retentive Or Just OCD?

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

BuzzFeed Femdom

Poetry

-06.01.17_13:22-
Mistletoe: A Lusty Limerick

 

Elust 88

Having Drinks with Mr. Sam

Sunday night is quieter from the other days, except during football season. But, due to the weather this was a dead Sunday at the dive bar. Mr. Sam must have walked in seconds before I did, he was still taking off his coat. There wasn’t a good place at the bar, so we walked over to the corner booth. It’s a round booth in the corner, tucked away from onlookers.
“Sitting here isn’t going to be obvious, is it?” He said.
“I don’t care. We aren’t doing anything wrong.” I replied.
“Yet…you forgot to say yet.”
I laughed after he said that. We sat there for a few minutes before Astro walked over to turn on the overhead lights and the bar lights. We both looked at each other and smiled.
He walked back to his side of the bar. A few minutes later “Bubbles” walked up to us … “How are you guys doing? Hey, I can’t believe how stupid Charlie is and what he did.”
I didn’t want to be in the dark, but I didn’t understand what she was talking about. I sat there and nodded my head. “Don’t worry no one associates you with him anymore.”
Now that made me kind of nervous, considering what other shit I have heard and been told on the street. “Well, thank heaven for that. We haven’t been together in years. We hung out together these passed through years. You know, Charlie his charming personality, it’s difficult to stay mad at him.”
“I know right. He really is sweet. But a total fuck-up.”
I laughed. We talked about some of our mutual bar friends and life. She got up after she finished her drink with us, walking back to sit at the bar.

henryshardsoda, drinking, alcohol, beer, photo a day, 365

Day 15 of 365

Mr. Sam & I were talking about general stuff, there was never any touching each other. We have tried to keep the status of our relationship a secret, but after last Friday I think it’s a bust. I haven’t even written about that night yet! oh lord.
We stayed until about 10pm. Catching a nice little buzz, we left and headed to his place.

“Are you gonna be brave enough to come inside or you gonna just drop me off?” I’m deciding on the two options I had, “Yes, I’ll go inside with you.”
I knew he lives with his parents who are both suffering from several health issues. I felt like a teenager again being snuck into the house. He held my hand as we walked up the stairs. Opened the door with his name on it, which I laughed. His parents were asleep, and it was so quiet in the house. I stood there as he closed the door behind him. “Do you want water or coffee?”
“Water…I need water.” I answered.
I sat on the end of his bed drinking my bottled water. He sat next to me, we didn’t speak a word. He started to gently caress my arm back and forth. I felt relaxed. He leaned in to kiss me and I kissed him back. We laid back on the bed, moving up on the bed. My boots are hanging off the edge of the bed because I wasn’t taking them off. He rolled over on top of me. We’re still kissing, I feel him grind his hard cock on me over our jeans. Can this really be happening? Are we dry humping? Yes. we are. Inside I’m laughing but on the outside we are kissing hard & deep. He rolls over on to his back and I curl up next to him. He holds me tight, caressing my back. I drift off on his chest. I wake up to the sound of myself snoring. He laughed. “I wasn’t falling asleep because I know you hafta leave soon.”
“Another 30 minutes.”
We talked about the rest of the week and he showed me some of his art work. Time was up and he walked me out.

Read what happens next in “Hiding Away” 

Will Work for Heels [KOTW]

High heels. Ever since I can remember my mother as always told me “You have beautiful feet and gorgeous legs, you should try to always wear heels.” I think because my mother was short and had Barney Rubble feet she wanted to live vicariously through me. I did listen to her advice (most of the time).

Then I met my Beloved, who also told me the same thing. In 2008, I hit a low point in my life. My beloved had mentioned me taking some photos of my legs in nylons wearing heels for him to wank to when he was in the mood. I complied. My self-esteem was still low even after all his attention and compliments, he suggested I use one of the photos as my avatar on an old social media site I was on at the time.

So I did.

The attention I received was addicting. I was first approached by a gentleman who I refer to as “Papi” who asked me if I would consider modeling for him in a pair of shoes who would send me. Wait. What? I recieved a pair of Guess Black peep toe sling backs and a pair of two-tone brown Charles David pumps. I took the photos and a video for him. I emailed him the photos that my Beloved had taken. Not quality photos images, of course but its all I had to work with. There was one little thing, the shoes had been masturbated with and had cum inside them.

sassycat3000 shoes

Thanks to my 818Shoe Papi for giving me these shoes!

I know, some of you are thinking…GROSS! Not me. Oh, its not my fetish, but I do get off on the attention. I get off on knowing that these men (that I have never met in person) buy shoes with me in mind and masturbate with the shoe and then send them to me.

Oh I did forget to mention “MarkX” who invited me to check out a website he had found. MarkX masturbated while wearing his own pair of high heels and dressed in panties. MarkX is the only one (so far) that I have sent my shoes, panties and leather clothes to. He masturbated with my items, heels included and returned everything back to me. I got off on know he was jerking off to my things. When I joined the site he suggested it snowballed from there. It was a shoe fetish site that had several different categories of shoes, even men in heels, Trannies in heels, trashed heels, you get the idea. There were a few women on the site, but after a while of getting bombarded with emails it was overwhelming and I pretty much let it go.

Read more about Cat’s Adventures with Shoes

I have met several interesting men through that website, most have disappeared. However the high heels they sent to me, most of those still remain. I was thinking about donating some of them. They’re old and worn out and I just don’t have the room in my closet for them anymore. I don’t wear them as much as I did either. That’s due to my broken foot and soon I’ll have to have a surgery to fused the bones in my foot. No more heels after that.

I can’t stop myself when walking into any store that sells shoes to go and look at them. I love looking at them. I don’t need them, not fetish here like that. But I do enjoy watching men looking at my legs and shoes and feet when I’m in public. When I go to the “dive bar” I’ve worn heels during the summer and watching the guys look at me is so very addicting. I think of some of them who may have a heel fetish and will be wanking off later to a snapshot memory of me in heels.

I do have certain styles of shoes that I love more than others. I love wedges, always have. They are the easiest to walk on and most comfortable for me. I did buy a pair of wedges at the end of the season, only $5

black wedges, sassycat3000, sexblogger, shoe fetish, high heels

I love shoes with ankle straps. I’m not into peep toe shoes too much, I’ll wear them but if I can get something else I will. I don’t wear very strappy heels, like those that are normally advertised during wedding season or prom. I love platform shoes, mary janes and the traditional pump when needed.

I have taken so many photos with heels that I’ve lost count and sadly my blog is so unorganized that the photos are all over the place. I’ve tried to get a few together to share on this post.

This is Christmas 2016.

silver shoes, sassycat3000, sexblogger, high heels,

 

 

Mental Health and Recycling [podcast]

Below are some of the highlights to this podcast!

Talking about mental health, going to back to therapy to get some help or a redirect on my mental illness. I thought it would be a great idea, for a redirect or a refresher course on my issues. But instead it turned out to be worse than I thought. I felt depressed and just plain icky after leaving my session. Not sure how much more I am willing to invest in proceeding any further with all of this.

Recycling. My idea may not be a popular one, but I do think that some that it could work. However, is it too late to even start seriously thinking about recycling on this planet?

If you have any suggestions for topics …leave a comment.

And as always,

Thanks for listening…..Laterness People!

Day 5 of 365 Thankful for my Fans

Every so often I get a message from a fan or follower. Most of the time it has a dick photo attached.dick, penis, sexblogger, instagram, latina,

And I add those to my collection of cock

.See. See, look at the cock! He’s so proud of his cock. Not bad, but I blurred it out to protect the guilty.

And then there is those messages that I like to share. I know that the photos below, don’t really count towards my 365, but I’m including them anyway.

Now …. yesterday I recorded a podcast because someone had suggested I make that one (only) of my New Years resolutions.

Later that evening I received this tweet on twitter. @5150Silverback on twitter is one of my top fans/followers. He’s intelligent, funny and generous. What’s not to adore about him?

The second was a message I received on Instagram for a man who goes by @cactusdqp on Instagram. Go check out his Facebook page called Rural Photography.

I really appreciate this love & support. It’s the little things that tickle my pretty pink places!

The Mental Torment of A Lustful Wife

Spending the NYE with Mr. Sam and it was all fun until he asked,

“Can I see you tomorrow for a little?”

I replied with “are you seriously asking to see me tomorrow?”

“Yes is that ok?”

“No I don’t normally leave my house on Sunday.”

“Ok.”

“Thanks for understanding.” 

He replied “I said ok not that I understand.”

And with that statement I felt fearful. Fearful for how this could end in the future. For one of those men who will do anything and I mean anything to keep me from leaving. Whether it’s through emotional manipulation or physical violence.  He sounded like he may be joking but the truth often comes out in jest.copyright2016@sassycat3000.net, Borderline, BPD, moody, unstable relationships, empty.

I also thought that how I do things so that people will like me, not to leave me and accept me. But the rational part of my brain tells me different. The mental torment in my mind is overwhelming. I also think that it’s so unfair for me to put this all on my Beloved. Because he is the one who will end up “fixing” my fuck up. Borderline people don’t mean to hurt their loved ones its just something that happens due in most part to their impulsive behavior. When the borderline is accepting to feed their ego, things get out of control fast.

I want the sex from Mr. Sam, but not at the cost of my home security. But I still want the sex. To feel the heat from his body, to feel each forceful thrust, to smell him, taste him. I wanna feel all those chemicals released in my brain, to feel high from the sex.

But pain and disloyalty I would cause my Beloved would break my heart. He doesn’t deserve this treatment from me, he’s done everything to please me, to accept me and mostly to love me.

READ MORE ABOUT Mr. SAM HERE

I just have to figure out how to get out of this mess I created for myself. Discreetly, gracefully. And mostly I don’t want to hurt Mr. Sam. He’s a fragile, kind and thoughtful person. He does have a good heart. Maybe misguided, misunderstood he’s still a human being with feelings.

He is hard to get a read on, most men I can figure out rather quickly not Mr. Sam. Perhaps that’s why I cant let him go. The need to find out what makes him tick is strong. Ugh. WTF! Someone just kick me in the head.

 

Examples of BPD symptoms in the above are….

  • The inability to say NO. Borderlines are afraid to say no out of fear of rejection, judgment.
  • Relationships: A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
  • Attachment fears.
  • Addiction to chaos and drama.
  • Lying and deceitfulness, mixed messages, self-contradicting.
  • Self-sabotage.

 

[I pledge my commitment to the Blog for Mental Health 2017 (2014 Project). I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others. By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health. I use this to promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma].

Getting a Bit out of Control

Since I’ve become acquainted with Mr. Sam I have been at the bar more and more. It’s an excuse for me to be out, to drink and to visit with him. Charlie created specific appearance for me to have while at the bar, he accomplished this without me being aware of what he was doing. Recently I have crawled outside the box he designed for me.
Now I have a choice. I can stay inside that box he designed for me or I can be the apparent semi-slutty wild chick I’ve behaved like.
I’m leaning more towards the second because I’ve already been behaving that way. So much so I think I have been labeled now. Labeled by Charlie’s crew, its like they understand the cat is away and the kitty is left all alone. They forget I’m married. FUCK I forget I’m married. When I’m home now, he is loving, understanding and gives me that tender love he thinks I want or need to keep me from straying. He says “I love you” a lot more. He praises me a lot more, but not in a way that makes it obvious to me. Because he does it more when I’ve returned from the bar.
My BPD symptoms have been thrust into over drive regarding Mr. Sam. I noticed that he has several Facebook profiles. Why? Why does one need that many? He only has a few family members on each one. There’s always been something about him I couldn’t quite place my finger on, but when he told me his secret, I felt that some relief. But starting last night, I can’t help with think …

WHAT THE FUCK am I doing!!!!????
Since I met you I’ve been crazy
Since I’ve been with you I’ve been lost
You make everything see hazy
Love comes with such a cost
Have I lost my mind?……..Follow Me Down by The Pretty Reckless.

This song played out in my head today. I feel crazy when I’m with Mr. Sam.
There is so much about him I don’t know. Yet I’m not afraid yet I feel no trust. It’s not like there are people who can vouch for him here. He doesn’t know anyone here.
What man says “we have a connection” with in a few months or even weeks of knowing each other. Yes, I feel it, like we have been acquaintances at the bar.
Asking me how I feel about him, telling me he will wait for me and that he is happy with having me in my current circumstances. Talking about love as if is was that simple.
Is it that simple?

Someone tell me..is it? Or I am simply mad?

READ ABOUT MR. SAM FROM THE BEGINNING
Being a person with Borderline, I truly don’t know what love is. I know the concept of loyalty, a version of love I was sold to believe by Walk Disney. I’m too emotionally unstable now. Thoughts swirling around in my head, trying to process what I felt about Mr. Sam. Is what I’m feeling love or lust? Or is it the symptoms of my illness I act impulsively, acting out in risky behaviors. Like unsafe sex, stranger sex and sex that feels so good you get addicted to it.

borderline meltdown, sassycat3000, mental illness, emotional, latina blogger
Over the past few weeks, Mr. Sam has come out to see me while I’m out. We always end up in my car, talking and then making out. No sex. Lots of kissing and lots of talking. I can’t believe I’m even sharing this here, but…but I think this may be important for my future story sharing and my sex life. Because I think Mr. Sam is stirring things up in me that have been stagnant. Not saying that life with my Beloved isn’t fulfilling, but sometimes its dull & boring for me. I’m sure it is for him, but we are like most couples in the sense we accept that we have different likes & needs in this area. This is another story for another time.
Mr. Sam seems like that type of man who loves hard, who also has an issue with letting someone go when they wanna leave. Which I think could be dangerous for me and my life. But there is still something about him that draws me in. He’s a dark and broken soul. But part of him scares me, especially when he wants a solid yes or no answer that I have feelings for him. The fact he can be happy with this arrangement. What kind of man does that? Weird thing is he hasn’t pushed the sex issue at all, he jokes about it. It’s mostly sexual innuendo. There is no pressure for me to have sex with him.
I think he has deep seeded issues that I am trying to see. Why? Why the fuck do I care? And this leads up to being at the bar where Charlie & I used to hang out at. Meeting Mr. Sam there has brought a lot of attention to me. The guys treat me differently, trying to feel me up, making sexual comments to me.  But its only when they have been drinking but never a serious threat towards me. That’s the other thing that pulled me down, those rumors that I’ve heard about me. That I am “seeing” Mr. Sam on the side, having an affair. Ok, sure I admit kissing him and being attracted to him, but I’m still on the fence about fucking him or even carrying on with him. I’m not saying no to the idea but not yes either. Just riding with it for now.
But the rumors are by the PHG because a few of them have seen us together during the week. We were being antisocial to the others. Only because of the lies that were told by one of them about Mr. Sam. I’m not sure about all the shit either. FUCK. All this fucking shit pulled me down a well of darkness. Crying all day. I couldn’t stop at the end of the day, then I couldn’t sleep either. I haven’t been like this in months. I feel so lost that I scheduled an appointment with my counselor for this week. I haven’t had a session with her since my first informal diagnosis.  That should say something about this meltdown I had yesterday. That I’m reaching out for a direction in which I should go,  for an answer to why the fuck I’m doing this. Part of me thinks I’m trying to replace Charlie, to fill the chaos and drama with my own instead of his.  Make sense?

Examples of BPD symptoms in the above are….

  •  Impulsive and Risky Behavior: such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship.
  • Emotions: Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days. (Anger is the current mood I’m feeling stemming from the rejection).
  • Feeling like others are out to get you. Paranoid Thoughts.
  • Believing that You should not feel this way. Self-invalidating thoughts.
  • Unstable Relationships. A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn’t care enough or is cruel.

 

There’s Always a Motive with Charlie

I figured since I made it past Halloween that he was gone from my life. Most sociopaths leave after they have used up all the resources of their current victim. However, we have a strange bond I have yet to put my finger on. Being involved with a sociopath is a difficult and strenuous game. I would not recommend playing this game at all. It’s too easy to lose direction, your goal and most important your sanity. I have been sick for about 4 weeks now. Coughing most of the night, not sleeping well. I heard my phone vibrate, since I was already awake I figured I would look at it.

The text was from Charlie

“don’t know me still??!!

I know you! wassup?

mhmmm. wtf u been doing? not talking to me i know that much. but anything else interesting?

I figured you were busy.

(I lied) nothing interesting, just been sick the last few weeks. wassup with you besides drama?!

lol IDGAF everyone’s always in my biz but they always twist it up.

that’s the truth. what I hate is folks telling me about your shit. like one of your exes telling me you gave her your new number.

aha. she never used it. thing is that folks always add on to the story they tell about me.

true again. the stories are never boring for sure.

oh no?! why would they be that? hafta make juicy.

tacos tomorrow?!

it’s what we used to do, back in the day. then onto drinks, partying all long and running & gunning.

mmm tacos. not sure. I have other commitments (which I do, every night).

ahhh well just saying. well let me know when u can get away then…love to hang out with you again.”

Here is where I begin to see some of the motivation behind his contact.  The holidays soon approach, I was the one who can most relate to his loneliness and despair during the holiday season. I also know that he must be without a current victim. Someone who he calls, sucks up to to get what he needs & wants. Whatever that might be at the time. Otherwise he wouldn’t be texting me.

“it would be fun hanging with you too. but don’t think i would be able to anytime soon. we are so dysfunctional.

well, duh!!! well i’m sure u can work it out. U ALWAYS do!!!

true. but I’m trying to be responsbile. aren’t you working?

yup. i’m here. tired, bored and hungry.

Anything else new with you, that i don’t know about?

all about US!!! DUH

yes it is. there is always motivation behind all of our selfish actions. blog for mental health

This is where I let him know that I am aware of his selfishly motivated need to reach out to me. He wants or needs something from me, but what that is I am not sure of yet.

naaa. nothing really new. just working on that old case from C. (the crazy cunt, i call her). I hired a new lawyer.

oh. that case isn’t closed yet?! damn almost a year now.

nope. ain’t closed yet. they wanna gimme 1-3 and i ain’t going to the joint because of some crazy bitch.

(He sends me a photo of himself & a new girl in costume from this past Halloween).

oh your new girl? how cute.

nah just a friend.

i aint your momma or wife aint gotta lie

FRIEND! she already told me i’m too flirty with everyone so she could never be with me

you can wear her down, if you wanted too. if you go to jail, i’ll write you! lol

lol better come SEE me! yeah and u know babe, THAT’s too much work for me to try & wear them wear down

I ain’t driving more than 50 miles! lol there is always another one standing in line behind her.

EXACTLY!

ppl like us always have our next victim ready, move on to the next after bleeding the first dry.

This is my way of letting him know I still remember what he’s all about. How he acts, how he thinks.

lol ain’t gotta put it all like that honey. but it’s true.

it’s what we do and who we are.

I used to think like this, at times I still do. It just really depends on the person. Anymore, it’s just a matter of time before they leave my life. There are few actual friends that I have remaining in my life, for whatever the reason. I’ve been told on numerous occasions that I’m mean, heartless and at times manipulative. I will remain loyal to those friends who are in my life. I will do what I can, when I can. I will always be there for them when I can. It’s those others who for some reason, don’t click with me are the ones that don’t remain in my life.

ah well, guess it is what it is. just know i’m done with that love shit! never worked for me! see you should come out here to the parking lot…dark… secluded and i miss your lips!!!

And here we are! the admission of never longer looking for love and waiting me to visit him. His offering of a hint of what he thinks I crave & desire from him.


This is an old post that I found buried in my drafts folder. This was last year around this time. We started falling apart after this time period. As long toxic and dysfunctional relationships we couldn’t seem to let go of each other until we had no choice in the matter. Sadly, I keep thinking I can replace him with someone. How twisted is that?! Like most recovering junkies I’m trying to find another fix, but there isn’t one. This is all part of the insanity, torn in two.

I have written the end to this chapter of Charlie.

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