My 805Muse is trying to get back into my life. After the last email conversation we had, he waits a few weeks (his normal routine) to answer me.
On May 8th: “had to peek thought so so busy…thoughts of your last email but with no comment cuz I’d really rather catch you when we can chat here, yes?“
I suggested he get a texting app. He then replied with “OR…maybe I should consider a shopping spree like shoes or heels? Ship you sumpin fun or sumpin hot or sumpin untamable? :)”
I didn’t answer him. My #1 fan was here visiting, so I didn’t want to start a conversation with him.
On May 29th, while on my way to O’Hare Airport I check my email and find a few different emails from him. He didn’t send one lengthy email, but several small one thought or one sentence emails. So annoying. Read more about my 805muse.
“I know. Shoes? The tat shop for another little one! a cool bar for a drink and pool and fun talk…maybe not in this order.”
“if you were here, i’d suit myself and you too. AND you’d like it! shoes not required…”
“would you like our time on tape? your own copy? something to hide or look at later? think about while you are on your vibrating bike? wind in face and mouth ready for a cold beer and a smile? 😀 I would make sure you got fed.”
“out the door for errands. peeks tomorrow and and update for our minds. nice to see your face and hear from you. the shoe thing has me shopping in my head for you. if you were here? we’d shop together…man.”
Those were each a separate emails. I never answered them, until this morning. I sent him a brief audio clip, instead of a typed email. He quickly responded with “a reply from der car…FUN!!! do you reach down between your legs while driving? lol who does “squeeze my lemon” anyway? Phil Collins? (i see you giggling)“
I sent him another quick audio after work. Telling him about heading out to the bar for a end of year work party. Within seconds I get another email.”YUM! a watering hole. *sigh* i’d so be buying thw ater and having you at my side while we did fish, brothers & water OR beers & whiskey. GULP. Led Zep sings derlemon song… and when you’re done? When work is out? Play me Please… sit with me by the pool!!!! how fun is THAT? :D”
The game that we play is that we express our sentiment or emotions through music, lyrics. I knew at some point he would send me the link to the song or the mp3. Next email was the link with the statement “Can’t quit you!”
I looked up the lyrics. I know that my muse prefers Blues/Rock genre of music. One of the things I respected about him, was that he knew his music. He & I always had that, holding us together. Add in that we communicate our feelings through the music. I had never met anyone that did that, besides myself.
I should have quit you, long time ago. [X2]
I wouldn’t be here, my children, down on this killin’ floor. I should have listened, baby, to my second mind [X2]
Everytime I go away and leave you, darling, you send me the blues way down the line. Said, people worry I can’t keep you satisfied.
Let me tell you baby, you ain’t nothin but a two-bit, no-good jive. Went to sleep last night, worked as hard as I can,
Bring home my money, you take my money, give it to another man.
I should have quit you, baby, such a long time ago.
I wouldn’t be here with all my troubles, down on this killing floor.
Squeeze me baby, till the juice runs down my leg. [X2]
The way you squeeze my lemon, I’m gonna fall right out of bed.
I’m gonna leave my children down on this killing floor. – “The Lemon Song” by Led Zeppelin
The bold lettering are the lyrics that he is sharing with me. He “can’t quit me” even after a year away from me. It will be six years in July. How can two people have an internet relationship for that long? He continued sending me another video link to a Led Zeppelin tribute band of all females. They were pretty good.
Then his final email came. “shine on you crazy diamond… 🙂 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fk0V_GGa2XM we’d have a blast at a concert together. You think? :D”
I am pretty positive that after reading his emails that he is possibly off the wagon. Something in my gut tells me that he is drinking a bit, along with the idea that he is telling me this stuff in hopes that his sentiments will be accepted. I think he thinks this is what I want from him. Maybe once upon a time, however not anymore. I want the stuff that he can’t give me. His emotion, a peek into his soul & spirit of who he truly is. I want inside of him. It’s a waste of time for us, he has gotten stuck. I’m walking too far ahead. This type of conversation from him no longer entices me. I’m not sure if I will answer him any time soon. Why should I?