She works hard for the Money

I always wanted to be a bartender, but the work that goes with that just didn’t appeal to me. I will admit to doing some of it when I was younger for a day or too … strictly for the cash.

My dive bar has a reputation for having a difficult time keeping regular bartenders. Some go and never come back while others go and return months later. I have seen a few come back and work only to be fired again or to quit after a few days.

There is one cute little bartender that has returned, she’s cute, perky and full of that sparkle of life. I like her, she’s a good bartender verses the older guy who stands there like a bump on a log. When you’re working for tips, you need to be “on it.” I don’t see this new guy lasting long, too many patrons will start to complain more and more that they wait to long for their poison.

If you are served by a good attentive bartender, please remember to give them a good tip. They’re working hard for their money.

 

money, a to z challenge, sassycat3000, tips

Why isn’t One Man Enough?

If you are a regular reader of mine, you already know about Mr. Sam.

Last week Mr. Sam hit a rough patch in our friendship. The next day I unloaded most of my emotional wreckage onto my Beloved. He sat there listening to me babble on about Mr. Sam. I think my Beloved thought that the newness of Mr Sam would wear off. However, it has not. Although Mr Sam tends to get under my skin, so does my Beloved so that’s not a big deal. My Beloved knows I get bored with life, friends, family and activities.sassycat3000, latina, sexblogger, relationships, lovers, affairs, wayward

Boredom is my main trigger that gets me into major trouble when I don’t keep a close eye on it. I can get into a lot of trouble when I’m bored. Is that the same as being bored with one man? I believe we were never met to be monogamous. Does that mean we get bored with one partner? I have become bored with my Beloved? Maybe. Routine. Is that boredom. Is it that I am a different person now that I was when I first married him? I think I am a little different, not much. I think that the woman I am now was hiding all those years ago.

My beloved & I have gotten into a comfortable marital rut. You know, routines, patterns and competency. And what is my trigger? Right, boredom. Routines and patterns cause boredom. Through out our marriage I have always had another man in the background. I refer that guy to “the drunk I need in my life.” Because 9 times out of 10 the guy who is in the background is some addict, mainly alcoholics. They provide the chaos and drama I need to keep me going.

Looking back to the early 2000’s when my life hit the skids, when I had my mid-life crisis. It was then I used the internet to escape from reality. I met a few men, through social sites I was on. These men don’t haunt me like they used too. The ones that are fresh in my memory are my 805muse, he was around for almost 7 years. A daily dose of my drunken muse, until he reconnected with sobriety and his cult the JW’s. Not sure about the time frame, but then enters Charlie. Charlie comes back into my life, having his drunk ass in my life was wonderful UNTIL his toxicity contaminated me after years of being clean. I enjoyed having Charlie in my life. However we both knew it was time to end it. So we did just that.

In October 2016 I met Mr. Sam. He has consumed a lot of my time since our meeting. I have neglected so much work, chores and other things. We text during the day when I’m at home. We text in the last evenings before I go to bed. Mr. Sam is always there. There was a few weekends ago when I kicked him to the curb for something I pushed him to do. After a night of thinking I might have lost him, I cried to my Beloved about losing my background guy.  I’m not sure what my Beloved was expecting with this new man in the background at all. I like having Mr Sam in my life, I know he’s always there for me when I need him. He listens, we laugh a lot, we party together and we can understand each other on a different level than my Beloved and I. I really do love Mr Sam, in my own crazy way, more so than the others. I really would hate to give him up. I can’t see what life would be like without him, yet I know deep in my heart – nothing lasts forever.

The morning I cried to my Beloved about Mr Sam, I asked him “why can you be enough? Why isn’t one man enough for me? What’s wrong with me, I feel the need to have two men or sometimes more in my life at all times?” I felt horrible about saying that to him, had he said I would have died. He sat there and listened, comforting me as I cried about the possibility of losing the other man in my life. What sick & twisted shit is this?

Mr Sam looked at me at said “You just want to combine me & your Beloved into one man, into your perfect man.” I laughed and smiled and asked “is that possible?” LOL. Deep in my heart I know this will not end how I envisioned it, but will probably end in more tears and shattered hearts than happily ever after. I wish I knew why one man is not enough for me.

This was Wicked Wednesday’s Prompt #248 

My Monthly Beauty Box Subscription Addiction

I love getting stuff in the mail. Can anyone tell me that they don’t like getting packages in the mail? Bills don’t count.

A few months back, like in October I wanted to get some new mascara. I had wanted to try some new makeup products but never seem to be able to afford some of the products. I also wanted to be able to write some reviews on some new products.

Then I was scrolling through my old websites and found one site I had forgotten all about. I logged on and looked around, signed up to receive a few beauty boxes a month. The price varies on the company box. I also signed up during the holidays when the deals were pretty good. I didn’t have to pay full prices on some of the monthly boxes.

I signed up for the Wal-Mart Box. Target Beauty Box. Allure Box and Ipsy Glam Bag. I had to stop because it could get expensive especially when the boxes are $10 each. The Wal-Mart box is $5 and is sent out every three months and the others are monthly.

I received the Wal-Mart Beauty Box first back in October of 2016. The first Wal-Mart box was mostly all lotions, which was really ok because winter was coming and so was the dry skin. Then I moved onto the Ipsy Glam Bag and the Target Beauty Box in November. And now around every mid-month I receive a new Ipsy Bag and a new Allure Beauty Box. The Target Beauty box must be ordered monthly, which is ok. You get to see ahead time what’s inside so you don’t have to order it if it’s not something you want or need.

I had planned on starting to review the boxes, but you have how I’ve been lately. A mess, unorganized and undisciplined when it comes to my writing and blogging. I really need to be cock slapped.

I like the Allure Beauty Boxes the best. Their “samples” are at the higher end, if you know what I mean. For March I received the following items…march allure beauty box, sassycat3000, latina blogger, subscription addiction, monthly samples,

  • Akar Skin Ruby Tint Lip Butter – There is a code on the box for 20% off my first purchase. 100% natural & organic. Not bad for the lips, I will use it up.
  • Derma E Vitamin C Concentrated Serum – I will always use an anti-aging serum every chance I get. I like this product.
  • John Frieda Luxurious Volume 7 day Volume in-shower treatment – Haven’t used this yet, but I’m pretty sure I wont be disappointed.
  • Londontown Lakur Enhanced Colour -“Cheerio” is the color I received a sheer pinkish color.
  • Londontown Kur Nourishing Cuticle Oil – This is great stuff. I love it. Winter is always hard on my hands, so this came at a great time now that spring is here.
  • Secret Invisible Solid Cool Waterlily Deodorant. A sample, which is ok. I like trying new stuff.

There wasn’t anything in the Allure Box that I didn’t like. Each month you get a new bag to use, some are cute and some aren’t. Mostly they’re intended for you to use as a compact makeup bag. I use them for all sorts of other things.

 In the Ipsy Bag, my favorite product is…

march ipsy glam bag, sassycat3000, latina blogger, beauty box, subscription addiction, monthly, samples

  • Tarteist™ quick dry matte lip paint – Vibin(wine) color. The color lasts long, matte. I’m really getting into these matte lip paints.

Target’s Beauty Box for March I received the following…

  • Missha Time Revolution First Treatment Essence
  • Soapbox Bamboo Shampoo & Conditioner target beauty box, sassycat300, latina blogger, beauty porducts, subscription addiction
  • Jergens Natural Glow Wet Skin Moisturizer – This is my favorite product out of the box. In the winter my skin gets so dry that I would use baby oil before drying off with a towel then adding the lotion before getting dressed. But this lotion is GREAT! I rub it in before drying off and I don’t have to add anymore moisturizing products to my skin after that. I loved it so much that I went out and purchased a large bottle.
  • Dove Volume & Fullness Dry Shampoo
  • Neutrogena Hydro Boost Lip Shine – This is ok. A bit waxy, sticky on the lips. Makes me rub my lips together a lot.
  • Skinfix Foaming Oil Cleaner – I like this facial cleaner as well. A very small dab of cleaner goes a long way.

My favorite box is the Allure Beauty Box.

You get more bang for your buck as well as a variety of products. There is a booklet that comes inside that tells you all about your products. It’s a draw between the Target & Ipsy Bag and lastly the Wal-Mart Beauty Box. The Wal-Mart box is only $5 and really is a great deal for some samples. If I could afford it (monthly) I would subscribe to FabFitFun Box but that’s $49.99. Can’t afford it yet! I just might have to add the Birchbox though because that one is only $10 a month.

 

Good to the Last Drop [SS302]

After Mr. Sam and I arrived back from the store. We went upstairs to his room to hide away from the world for the day. I enjoyed getting him worked up, watching him watch me. I couldn’t control my desire to feel him in my mouth, to taste him.

penis, sexblogger, latina, sinfulsunday,

I normally finish to the last drop but Mr. Sam has been without for a very long time. I couldn’t keep up with the overflow. I will be writing the story that leads up to this photo. I’m sure you wanna hear all about it.

The story is titled “My Mouth Couldn’t Handle the Overflow”

Having Drinks with Mr. Sam

Sunday night is quieter from the other days, except during football season. But, due to the weather this was a dead Sunday at the dive bar. Mr. Sam must have walked in seconds before I did, he was still taking off his coat. There wasn’t a good place at the bar, so we walked over to the corner booth. It’s a round booth in the corner, tucked away from onlookers.
“Sitting here isn’t going to be obvious, is it?” He said.
“I don’t care. We aren’t doing anything wrong.” I replied.
“Yet…you forgot to say yet.”
I laughed after he said that. We sat there for a few minutes before Astro walked over to turn on the overhead lights and the bar lights. We both looked at each other and smiled.
He walked back to his side of the bar. A few minutes later “Bubbles” walked up to us … “How are you guys doing? Hey, I can’t believe how stupid Charlie is and what he did.”
I didn’t want to be in the dark, but I didn’t understand what she was talking about. I sat there and nodded my head. “Don’t worry no one associates you with him anymore.”
Now that made me kind of nervous, considering what other shit I have heard and been told on the street. “Well, thank heaven for that. We haven’t been together in years. We hung out together these passed through years. You know, Charlie his charming personality, it’s difficult to stay mad at him.”
“I know right. He really is sweet. But a total fuck-up.”
I laughed. We talked about some of our mutual bar friends and life. She got up after she finished her drink with us, walking back to sit at the bar.

henryshardsoda, drinking, alcohol, beer, photo a day, 365

Day 15 of 365

Mr. Sam & I were talking about general stuff, there was never any touching each other. We have tried to keep the status of our relationship a secret, but after last Friday I think it’s a bust. I haven’t even written about that night yet! oh lord.
We stayed until about 10pm. Catching a nice little buzz, we left and headed to his place.

“Are you gonna be brave enough to come inside or you gonna just drop me off?” I’m deciding on the two options I had, “Yes, I’ll go inside with you.”
I knew he lives with his parents who are both suffering from several health issues. I felt like a teenager again being snuck into the house. He held my hand as we walked up the stairs. Opened the door with his name on it, which I laughed. His parents were asleep, and it was so quiet in the house. I stood there as he closed the door behind him. “Do you want water or coffee?”
“Water…I need water.” I answered.
I sat on the end of his bed drinking my bottled water. He sat next to me, we didn’t speak a word. He started to gently caress my arm back and forth. I felt relaxed. He leaned in to kiss me and I kissed him back. We laid back on the bed, moving up on the bed. My boots are hanging off the edge of the bed because I wasn’t taking them off. He rolled over on top of me. We’re still kissing, I feel him grind his hard cock on me over our jeans. Can this really be happening? Are we dry humping? Yes. we are. Inside I’m laughing but on the outside we are kissing hard & deep. He rolls over on to his back and I curl up next to him. He holds me tight, caressing my back. I drift off on his chest. I wake up to the sound of myself snoring. He laughed. “I wasn’t falling asleep because I know you hafta leave soon.”
“Another 30 minutes.”
We talked about the rest of the week and he showed me some of his art work. Time was up and he walked me out.

Read what happens next in “Hiding Away” 

Mental Health and Recycling [podcast]

Below are some of the highlights to this podcast!

Talking about mental health, going to back to therapy to get some help or a redirect on my mental illness. I thought it would be a great idea, for a redirect or a refresher course on my issues. But instead it turned out to be worse than I thought. I felt depressed and just plain icky after leaving my session. Not sure how much more I am willing to invest in proceeding any further with all of this.

Recycling. My idea may not be a popular one, but I do think that some that it could work. However, is it too late to even start seriously thinking about recycling on this planet?

If you have any suggestions for topics …leave a comment.

And as always,

Thanks for listening…..Laterness People!

Getting a Bit out of Control

Since I’ve become acquainted with Mr. Sam I have been at the bar more and more. It’s an excuse for me to be out, to drink and to visit with him. Charlie created specific appearance for me to have while at the bar, he accomplished this without me being aware of what he was doing. Recently I have crawled outside the box he designed for me.
Now I have a choice. I can stay inside that box he designed for me or I can be the apparent semi-slutty wild chick I’ve behaved like.
I’m leaning more towards the second because I’ve already been behaving that way. So much so I think I have been labeled now. Labeled by Charlie’s crew, its like they understand the cat is away and the kitty is left all alone. They forget I’m married. FUCK I forget I’m married. When I’m home now, he is loving, understanding and gives me that tender love he thinks I want or need to keep me from straying. He says “I love you” a lot more. He praises me a lot more, but not in a way that makes it obvious to me. Because he does it more when I’ve returned from the bar.
My BPD symptoms have been thrust into over drive regarding Mr. Sam. I noticed that he has several Facebook profiles. Why? Why does one need that many? He only has a few family members on each one. There’s always been something about him I couldn’t quite place my finger on, but when he told me his secret, I felt that some relief. But starting last night, I can’t help with think …

WHAT THE FUCK am I doing!!!!????
Since I met you I’ve been crazy
Since I’ve been with you I’ve been lost
You make everything see hazy
Love comes with such a cost
Have I lost my mind?……..Follow Me Down by The Pretty Reckless.

This song played out in my head today. I feel crazy when I’m with Mr. Sam.
There is so much about him I don’t know. Yet I’m not afraid yet I feel no trust. It’s not like there are people who can vouch for him here. He doesn’t know anyone here.
What man says “we have a connection” with in a few months or even weeks of knowing each other. Yes, I feel it, like we have been acquaintances at the bar.
Asking me how I feel about him, telling me he will wait for me and that he is happy with having me in my current circumstances. Talking about love as if is was that simple.
Is it that simple?

Someone tell me..is it? Or I am simply mad?

READ ABOUT MR. SAM FROM THE BEGINNING
Being a person with Borderline, I truly don’t know what love is. I know the concept of loyalty, a version of love I was sold to believe by Walk Disney. I’m too emotionally unstable now. Thoughts swirling around in my head, trying to process what I felt about Mr. Sam. Is what I’m feeling love or lust? Or is it the symptoms of my illness I act impulsively, acting out in risky behaviors. Like unsafe sex, stranger sex and sex that feels so good you get addicted to it.

borderline meltdown, sassycat3000, mental illness, emotional, latina blogger
Over the past few weeks, Mr. Sam has come out to see me while I’m out. We always end up in my car, talking and then making out. No sex. Lots of kissing and lots of talking. I can’t believe I’m even sharing this here, but…but I think this may be important for my future story sharing and my sex life. Because I think Mr. Sam is stirring things up in me that have been stagnant. Not saying that life with my Beloved isn’t fulfilling, but sometimes its dull & boring for me. I’m sure it is for him, but we are like most couples in the sense we accept that we have different likes & needs in this area. This is another story for another time.
Mr. Sam seems like that type of man who loves hard, who also has an issue with letting someone go when they wanna leave. Which I think could be dangerous for me and my life. But there is still something about him that draws me in. He’s a dark and broken soul. But part of him scares me, especially when he wants a solid yes or no answer that I have feelings for him. The fact he can be happy with this arrangement. What kind of man does that? Weird thing is he hasn’t pushed the sex issue at all, he jokes about it. It’s mostly sexual innuendo. There is no pressure for me to have sex with him.
I think he has deep seeded issues that I am trying to see. Why? Why the fuck do I care? And this leads up to being at the bar where Charlie & I used to hang out at. Meeting Mr. Sam there has brought a lot of attention to me. The guys treat me differently, trying to feel me up, making sexual comments to me.  But its only when they have been drinking but never a serious threat towards me. That’s the other thing that pulled me down, those rumors that I’ve heard about me. That I am “seeing” Mr. Sam on the side, having an affair. Ok, sure I admit kissing him and being attracted to him, but I’m still on the fence about fucking him or even carrying on with him. I’m not saying no to the idea but not yes either. Just riding with it for now.
But the rumors are by the PHG because a few of them have seen us together during the week. We were being antisocial to the others. Only because of the lies that were told by one of them about Mr. Sam. I’m not sure about all the shit either. FUCK. All this fucking shit pulled me down a well of darkness. Crying all day. I couldn’t stop at the end of the day, then I couldn’t sleep either. I haven’t been like this in months. I feel so lost that I scheduled an appointment with my counselor for this week. I haven’t had a session with her since my first informal diagnosis.  That should say something about this meltdown I had yesterday. That I’m reaching out for a direction in which I should go,  for an answer to why the fuck I’m doing this. Part of me thinks I’m trying to replace Charlie, to fill the chaos and drama with my own instead of his.  Make sense?

Examples of BPD symptoms in the above are….

  •  Impulsive and Risky Behavior: such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship.
  • Emotions: Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days. (Anger is the current mood I’m feeling stemming from the rejection).
  • Feeling like others are out to get you. Paranoid Thoughts.
  • Believing that You should not feel this way. Self-invalidating thoughts.
  • Unstable Relationships. A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn’t care enough or is cruel.

 

Meet Mr Sam

I was at the bar when I noticed a tall silver-haired man walk by. I said to my friends that he wasn’t bad-looking. They both agreed. I jokingly mentioned how I would love to play around with him once or twice. So T1 walks over to him and introduces himself, next thing he introducing himself to me.

WTF?! Note to self: Don’t say anything like that in front of T1 again!

Then T2 walks over to him and they are having a nice little chat. Later on at some point they became Facebook friends. Whaaaa? Ok. I thought maybe “Sam Elliot” isn’t attracted to women, since he seems to be really chatting it up with T1 & T2.

I put him out of my head, I needed to focus on my upcoming trip and other things. A few weeks later, I had walked into the watering hole after I returned from New Orleans. There was Sam sitting there by himself. I decided to put on a bit of a show since I just got back and I was talking to Charlie’s best friends.

I noticed him watching me out of the corner of his eye. So, I leaned over to him and acknowledged him. I kind of played dumb. “It’s Sam, right?”henrys hard soda, alcohol, the bar

“Yes, You’re Cat. Friends with the PHC.”

“In the flesh!” I said with a giggle.

I gave him a few minutes more of my time. We made small talk, about email addresses and he was interested in me taking pictures of his art work. I kind of just blew him off, because I don’t take anything anyone says in a bar seriously if I don’t know them that well. I then continued my conversation with Charlies friends and we ended up walking out together.

That ended my brief meeting with Sam. The next time I seen him was with a group of mutual friends. It was a dinner, we really didn’t speak all that much. He did try to talk to me more than before, I noticed there was what seemed to be a competition between him and another one of the friends. Each one sat on each side of me. I felt elated.  One thing I did notice is that Sam never offers to buy me a drink. All the other guys that I hang with, even Charlie’s crew offer to buy me at least one drink. But this guy doesn’t.

We started talking about music, oldies and he asks me “what’s the best concert you ever attended?” I smiled because I’m normally the one who asks questions like that, to get a conversation going. The best moment was when I gave him my first test. “Tell me a story.” I said to him. He asked “No restrictions?”

“Nope.”

He went on with his story. I don’t remember what he shared with me, because I was shocked & thrilled that he actually was creative enough to come up with a story. He asked me a few other questions. We talked most of the night, until we heard “LAST CALL!!”

All the drunks stumbled out of the bar into the parking lot. I kept walking, waving and yelling “See you guys next week!”

Read More about Mr. Sam

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