We went to the little dive bar on the far side of town. The side of town most people of that town would venture to go after dark. I am always up for some excitement. Truthfully I don’t remember the route I took to get there because I was catching a good buzz. I think by this time I had downed about 6 drinks in a 2 hour time span.
“Ever notice all the cars here in the parking lot? But when ya walk inside there isn’t that many people sitting at the bar. Who do most of these cars belong to?” He asked. He opens the door for me, I walk inside and immediately scan the room. Looking for anyone that catches my attention. I always scan the room, to look for potential threats, one-night stands or any familiars. I saw none. He walked over to the side that we had sat the last time. There were two women sitting a few chairs down. They were average looking. One brunette of average size. The other blonde of a bigger frame, sloppily dressed. He watches them, he made no attempt to hide it. I respect that in a man. Look if you’re gonna look. I said “No, I don’t think so.” He laughed “No not the blonde but if I was desperate I would hit up on the brunette.” I smiled “I would accept that one, but not the other one.” He looked me in the eye, lifted his bottle to take a sip. A song came on the jukebox, which we both started singing too. Do I remember what is was? Nope. But I do remember the feeling I had when I was with him, looking into his eyes and singing. Sure, I was buzzed, he provided a way for my energy to be extinguished. I could live a life that was dangerous, but I knew deep down that I have a safety net. His safety net had already been burnt along with most of his bridges. As we looked around, he pointed out the sign. Hamm’s Beer Draft only 75 cents. Beer for cheap! I hate beer. UGH. BUT for an alcoholic like him, he’ll drink it. Me?! I tried it. Gross. We reminisced about when we were kids, drinking illegally. Drinking anything cheap for the fast buzz. The best part about being here at that time was it karaoke night. One quality I admire about him is that he will do things without asking without warning and that’s what is so exciting about him. We had watched a few other patrons attempt to sing. OMG! How embarrassing to actually get up there to sing “The Battle of New Orleans.” But the man who sang it was enjoying himself. Next thing I know I was up there with him. “I picked out a song for us to sing. I bet you didn’t know I could sing, huh?” “AH. NO!” The DJ called his name up to the singing area. I had no plans of singing – until I heard the song. I heard “Tequila” by The Champs start to play. There is only ONE word! LOL. I stopped in my tracks when I heard the DJ say what an adorable pair “Chestnut and his wife make dancing together.” Did she just refer me to his wife?! Holy Fuck!!! I know I was drunk by this time. I remember laughing a lot, but parts of missing. The number of drinks is over 10 by this time of the evening. I hadn’t eaten nor did I remember to drink any water this time. Shortly after our singing debut we left in search of something new.
Off to the pool hall we went. On the drive there is when he blew out the rear bass speaker in my car. He turned the volume wayyyyy up, like he had done countless times in his house when I was there trying to pass out. I am not happy knowing that my speaker in my good car is blown and no longer works properly. Grrrrrr. When we arrived at the pool hall, I was having trouble keeping up with his walking stride. He looks back “You alright? Still with me?” “Yeah. I’m here.” Before we entered the pool hall I spotted a dude that he doesn’t like. Funny there are a lot of men that he doesn’t get along with or have had been in fights with. I pointed out “Hey there’s Ed. He just got into that car with some really young chick! And the windows are all steamed up!!” He turns around hunches over and pounds on the trunk of the car. I was half way to the door of the pool hall, he comes sprinting up next to me, laughing. “We’re awful people.” I tell him.
“No babe, we’re a team. Good or bad. We really are the same person.” We walked inside the pool hall. There was only one person inside playing the slot machine. The bartender was the one who I think is very mean. She shouldn’t be a bartender. I understand that she gets tired of all the bullshit from drunk people however, that’s the job. She has a mean impatient personality. We ordered our drinks. “It’s dead in here!” I whisper to him. “That’s because she’s working here, no one likes her. They won’t stay if she’s working. She’s not fun. Finish your drink and let’s go.” He demanded. I guzzled my drink and we were out the door. We walked to the bar next door. It was super quiet there too. “What the fuck?! What’s going on in town that no one is out on a Saturday night?!” He laughs. A few working men come over to him & acknowledge his presence. I can understand why some women want to be on his arm. He is that guy who gets respect, but is also a bit crazy. The guy that you never know what to expect. It’s always an exciting ride to be by his side. I wish it could be more than what it is, but that’s impossible for both of us. We both know that too much time together will end in destruction. One of guys that came over had been one to add suspicion to our relationship by asking questions to another bartender. I made the mistake of telling him that. “Watch this…Hey Bob…What is this I hear that you are asking questions about us?” Bob starts to stutter, “Oh no man…Nothing like that. It just seemed, ya know. That you guys are like more than tight friends, after I met her husband. She seemed to be indifferent to him. And you were right there with her.” My friend drinks his beer, has his back turned away from Bob. As if to say “fuck off and you’re full of shit, quit ass kissing me.” Bob looks at me and apologizes to me. However, I realize I fucked that up. I was told that in confidence and I broke it. Shit. Damn my big mouth. Time to go. He had played the slot machine a few times. I played the jukebox and it was really dead and it was only 10pm.
We ended up back where we started. Back in the ‘hood, back with family. There I realized I was kind of fucked up. He walked in first, I followed and immediately scanned to our spot there sat his ex girlfriend was there with her friends. Strange, but not too long ago his ex & I were partying together when he stopped talking to me for a few months. He walked up to her & hugged her. He turned around after that and let me greet her as he walked to the other side of the bar to some seats. I hugged her and gave some brief insecure greeting. I don’t know why our friendship apart. I blame myself for something I did. I always say something or do something that is unacceptable. She had two other friends with her at the bar. “Thank you for not leaving me.” somberly I mumbled to him. “Awww look babe’s jealous that she’s out with her other friends and not you.” I reacted in a punch to his shoulder without thinking. He laughed loudly at me. “Do you feel better now? Punch me all you want to, because you’re not hurting me. Awwww Kitty Cat’s upset.” He started poking at me again. I punched him more. I remember I wouldn’t look in her direction nor in Pop’s direction. I hung on his shoulder in shame. “Babe, I ain’t leaving you. We came together and we are leaving together. PERIOD.“
“I know, but sometimes I know you crave attention just like I do. But I’m not sure I can handle it if you went with her. Or even went home with her!“
“Hey! I told you what happened the last time we were together. I didn’t have to, but I did. I have NO desire to have her in my bed.” As we finished up that part of our conversation she comes walking up to us. Standing in the middle of us she just asking questions. “So what are you guys out doing?” He doesn’t turn in her direction but remains facing forward, crosses his arms and says nothing. I pipe up “Where’s your man at tonight?” She turns to me “he’s in Wisconsin for the weekend. The kids are at my sister’s and I have an empty house.” She looks at him and tries to whisper in his direction “wanna stop by later?” He acts put out, as if to say “go away.” He only says to her “No, no I don’t. I’m out with Cat tonight.” I breathed a huge sigh of relief. My fear of abandonment was super high until that moment. She laughed off his rejection and looked at me “What’s going with you? What are you doing with him? Where’s your man? How are things with you two? I thought you stopped going out because of your marriage. Now I see you out here.” I don’t know why but I pointed at Chestnut and said “it’s all his fault if I end up getting a divorce.” She says “OMG! why didn’t you call me? I’m your friend. I will be there to help you, even if it’s just to listen.” I felt fake. I am the type of person that will never call someone with my problems. I never call. If I do call it’s because I know that person will not reject me or leave me hanging with my raw skin of emotions exposed. I don’t remember what else was said, because I had any where from 14 -16 drinks within an 11 hour time frame. If the math is correct my BAC was over .20 and the legal limit is .08.
I was getting hungry, but it was already late in the evening. I was feeling the effects of the alcohol dehydrating my body. Too Late. A part of me knew this was gonna hurt in the morning, but I had already decided when the evening started I didn’t want to take care of him. I wanted to be the drunk one, to see if he would, could care about me. Talk about fucked up thinking. He didn’t fail me. He fixes me some food. HA! Pops doesn’t have anything. But another ex girlfriend who is now the bartender at Pop’s place had placed a basket of freshly popped popcorn in front of me. She did it with a smile on her face. As if to silently say “sober up.” He put some lime & salt on it. He also got a bag of pork rinds for me. After a serious conversation we had after she left us alone, we decided to leave and call it a night. “Gimme the keys!” He demands “WHY!?” I ask. “Cause you’re not sober enough to drive honey. I already fucked my world up, I would feel like shit if something happened to you. Remember I do love you, maybe not the way I should, but I still have some feelings left in me.”
I refused to hand over my keys. We both notice 4 squad cars just past the intersection. “Turn! Don’t go straight. Don’t take the gamble.” So I turn. I was on auto-pilot. I pulled into his driveway. “Come on babe, come inside and call the old man and tell him that you are sleeping here tonight. There is the sofa and besides I now have a roommate. Nothing will happen I promise. Come on! Shut the car off.” WHO the FUCK is he to tell me what to do! I can handle myself. I smiled at him. We shared a moment of silence as we looked at each other in the eye. He leaned into to kiss me. “I knew you wouldn’t stay. Text me when ya get home. PLEASE!” My phone had died hours ago. I did get a text from his ex suggesting that I go to her house to sleep it off because she was worried about me. I never answered her.
He leaned in to kiss me goodnight. We kissed a few times. He got out of the car. I watched him walk up the steps and turn around to wave bye. I felt that would be the last time I would see him for a while.
The next morning my phone buzzed with texts that I had missed while sleeping off my bender.
Him: “Thanks for the good times!Thanks for the good times!!!
Me: Back at ya. Just finished tossing my cookies. UGH!
Him: LOL More good times!
Him: Yup! eating sum soup wishing it was menudo right now. Yup. Eating some soup wishing it was menudo right now!
Me: That’s funny cause I’m eating soup too. Throat is raw from tossing. just kill me!
Him: LIGHTWEIGHT!!! lol was gonna ask if you wanted to go for some bloody mary’s with Julie.LMFAO. J/K
Me: I ain’t a lightweight I mixed all those drinks. Rum, Vodka, Beer! I don’t drink beer. Besides your X will be down there to whine about you AGAIN!
Him: haha. I know! ur an animal! prolly the Hamm’s LMAO. Yeah the X has been blowing up my roommate’s phone.
Me: That is so disrespectful to your roommate!
Him: yeah but look who it is tho!
Me: look at who keeps sticking his dick in it!!!
Him: NOPE! Not anymore. WATCH!
Me: Whatever. You’re a punk
Him: NOPE…told you I’M DONE! I mean it you’ll see
Him: well get better and we will haft do it again real soon!
Me: Yup. Thanks for the good times!
Him: There will be many more!!!