A while back I was a a supermarket with my Manchild picking up something, when I seen a man walking towards the checkout and I was in front. He smiled big “Cat! Cat! OMG! you’re looking as beautiful as ever.” My Manchild stopped to look at him, by that time I was already hugging him. It felt good. I looking into his eyes I wondered why I dumped him. Yes. I dumped him, for one thing he was my bartender (broken rule). He was in the mist of a divorce (broken rule #2). We dated for a few months, he was an awesome kisser. We didn’t have sex, he was the one, when I say “the one” I mean ONE! That I didn’t have sex with. My Manchild still makes fun of me, “Mom, all the men you liked look the same, with their faded jeans, white tennis, Miller Lite jacket, hair that is just a mess & short of being a mullet!“
I was going trying something new. No sex with my dates. I had been going through a lot of men back in the 80’s – 90’s. Something wasn’t working with those men & myself. I couldn’t seem to get them to stay. So, when “John” came along, I decided to try not having sex with him and see where that leads. We had some heavy petting, lots of kissing. However, but, but, back to Rule #1
Broken Rule. Never date your bartender. It’s never to be done. unless you have the power not to be jealous, which most women do not possess. I thought I could handle it at the time. I was in my 20’s. What did I know?! Nothing! I got jealous. More so after we stopped seeing each other and he was still the bartender.
Broken Rule. Leave the separated and/or married men alone. Yes, I’ve dated my fair share of married and separated men. I have been the mistress more times than I care to admit. Sure there are wonderful benefits to being the other woman. BUT, very rarely does the wayward husband marry his mistress (if that’s what you’re looking for). When the man is separated he needs that transitional woman. I was that for “John.” I told him “Get your divorce and call me.” But he never did.
Our last date was New Year’s Eve, 1995. I ordered the fish platter. He knew what was gonna happen next. He looked at me “You’re breaking up with me?” I smirked “How did you know?” He replied “You ordered the fish.” My daddy taught me that if you are not gonna have any relations (sex) with your date, order the cheapest item on the menu.
I look back, wondering if those two reasons were the only reason why I stopped dating him. I think really hard about why I was attracted to him, what did we have in common. Nothing comes to mind. I know he enjoyed drinking, partying, fishing and a few other things. I remember one of our dates, I think I mentioned him in a TMI post. He was singer in a band once upon a time. He sang “Pretty Woman” to me on a date, when we went out to see his old band perform. I also remember getting jealous then too, because there were a lot of those chicks there. The ones who are the groupie type, even for the local town bands. ugh.
Rewind up to the top again, I had always wanted to know why? Why he never called me after he got the divorce. I wanted to close that door with him. I felt like I never had the closure. I also wonder what I did or didn’t do with that relationship. At the time, I was with my Manchild, who can be very intimating to other men. I couldn’t talk him privately. I wanted to get his number so that I could text him & met up for drinks. After, that missed opportunity I kept thinking about him. His face fulled my head, trying to answer questions that are left unanswered.
The other day I was trying to make a sandwich. Fuck! Why doesn’t anyone tell me when we are in need of something?! I went to a store a few miles from home, to get some bread. As I started to leave, I looked at a man in a bright yellow shirt & shorts & work boots. Yeah, I have a thing for a dirty looking hard-working man. I looked, but wasn’t sure if it was him.
“John” he looked around, it was him. He walked towards me, we hugged. This time I hugged him tight. We made small talk for a bit, I mentioned getting together for drinks he agreed. He gave me his business card, I tossed into my purse loosely. Only looking it briefly to check the number. He works at the same place that my “transition” guy worked. So, we agreed I would call him in a few days and we would get together. I got home, unloaded groceries, ate my sandwich, watched some TV. I went into the bedroom where I tossed my purse onto the bed, turning it upside to get everything out of it. I frantically search for the card. It’s GONE!
I looked everywhere for it. Then I thought about it, why was I gonna call him? Getting drinks? Seriously? I looked at this situation as the universe gives and the universe takes away. Looking deep inside myself & asking why I really wanted to meet him for drinks. It truly blows my mind how I lost that card. From the store to the car to the house. Fate? Destiny? A higher power at work? Who knows, for today, I’m ok with this.