Since the last time I wrote about Mr Sam a lot has developed. The following week he did text me and carried on as if nothing had ever happened.
I was indignant that he felt he could just go away with no reason or excuses for leaving me alone that Friday at the bar. He said that he wanted space, away from everybody and everything after I informed him of the rumor about him.
We met mid-week at the bar for cocktails. We continued to text during the evenings. We discussed our friendship. He made his desires known. I was too afraid to put my cards on the table. He is just so kind, sensitive and it still troubles me that there is something about him I can’t put my finger on. Maybe that’s what holds me to this friendship. Yet there is still a part of his personality that makes me nervous. The statements he makes, texting him during the evening makes me ask if he doesn’t drink more than I suspect. After some lengthy discussions I decided to give him another chance.
Deep inside my being I know that I am trying to find a replacement for Charlie. I know that is an impossibility that I must come to terms with. Recently I was told that Charlie is terminal. I have yet to confirm this.
I showed up at the bar first, sat down & talked to acquaintances. There were a few female acquaintances that get together in the early evening for cocktails and camaraderie. He came in a few hours afterward and sat down next to me. I introduced him to the group of acquaintances, he can hold his own during our conversation. He is witty, pleasant and easy-going. He was later referred to as “a long-haired leaping gnome” because he has that look. One of my acquaintances asked me to go with her into the lady’s room in which she went on to yell at me.
“STOP flirting with Mr. Sam!! He’s really fascinating, I sort of like him and I’m struggling to get a read on him, but he seems fascinated with YOU!!!”
“I donno what you’re talking about.”
I guess maybe we’re not doing a good job at managing to keep the physical attraction under cover. I observed more people looking at us closely. FUCK! It’s entertaining to flirt and I’m enjoying good old fashion passion & lust that I’ve experienced.
Before the night was over, one of the PHG chicks walked in the bar and milled around us. She finally sat down at the table with us, only paying attention to Mr. Sam & I attempt to appear casual. I don’t believe we performed successfully. She left while we hung around for some of the opportunity to leave together. Unfortunately we didn’t have the freedom to chat because I left before he could. He felt sorry for one of my drunken friends who carried on about her ex-boyfriend. He remained behind to watch her. I gave up. I had way too much to drink that evening. My judgement was cloudy. I’m so glad that on this evening nothing happened.