The Tie that Binds [SS314]

Mr. Sam, like Charlie is not a vanilla partner. Mr. Sam and I have been together for 7 months now, we are getting used to each other. We talk about almost everything, I tend to still get embarrassed about some things.

We recently discussed the idea of mutual masturbation, sex toys and other kinky ideas. He asked me to bring my bag of sex toys over, so I did. We went through all of my toys that were enjoyable for me to use. I had won a contest with some bondage rope included as an extra prize.

He had seen the neon green rope and immediately the Sailor in him started thinking of ways to use it on me. I have never been tied up before by any one. I have some deep seeded trust issues about being restrained. But Mr. Sam is different, even though I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop, a part of me trusts him.

He had mentioned some photo ideas before we got started, but once he started tying the rope, we forgot all about taking any photos. Until after playtime was over, I had to stop because I had pulled on the ropes too hard. Mr. Sam had used one long piece of rope with several loose knots in it for my ankles and wrists. I had pulled on the rope causing it to tighten around my ankles. I had left my socks on, pulled them off to look for any marks because the rope seemed really tight.

This is what I saw when I took off my sock.

 

neon green bondage rope, sinful sunday, skin indentation, latina sexblogger,

I will try to write a story about my first rope experience.

Meanwhile check out some other Sinful Sunday posts.

sinful sunday

 

I Love to Leave Bite Marks [SS313]

I have always loved flesh between my teeth.

His smooth creamy skin (or sometimes anyone’s for that matter) calls to me in such a way that I can’t resist or stop myself.

Especially, when I’m on top of a lover, seeing their midriff exposed and if I am working my way down their body to satisfy both our needs for oral gratification I tend to bite. I was kissing him, nibbling on his nipples. I bit one too hard and he cried out, but the sadist side of me became more excited. I started biting his stomach, but accidentally bit the spot where he had a surgical procedure done. I felt bad, because I know the skin can be more sensitive in those areas, so I moved on.

I worked my way over to his ribs, where the flesh can easily be bitten and pulled. I started biting as I normally do, but he started to tease me about something unimportant. I began to bite harder, pulling at his skin, twisting it between my teeth, pushing my tongue against the tender section of flesh between my teeth. My mind drifted into dark fantasy thoughts of tearing the flesh from his body, tasting his blood on my lips. I became even more aroused. If Mr. Sam had moaned in pleasure or even cried out, those sounds would have pushed me in an orgasm. When my hips move, when the need to relieve the “itch” between my legs becomes so intense that I would have mounted his cock or sat on his face. But Mr. Sam never cried out in pain, he never pulled away from my mouth like most people would. He didn’t tell me to stop, at once. He laid there perfectly still, which concerned me yet I didn’t care about the reason. If this is trust then I admire and adore him even more.

bite marks, sassycat3000, latina sexblogger, sinful sunday, skin,

sinful sunday

My Mouth Couldn’t Handle the Overflow [MM125]

Continuing from “Having Drinks with Mr. Sam” ….

Mr. Sam & I got comfortable in his room. He turned on his TV. I laid on the bed. We watched tv for a bit. Talking about the cool tv shows that each of us has watched. He lies on the bed opposite direction of me. I’m touching his leg and he is laying there looking at me. There are no words, just the background noise of the TV. I’m just touching him, caressing him and we are enjoying each other’s company. I crawled up to his lips and kissed him. We kissed for a while, but not for long. I pulled up his shirt so I could feel his skin.

sex story, sexblogger, latina, sassycat3000,

I stared deep into his eyes, smiled at him. I unbuckled his belt and unzipped his jeans. He watched me, helping me push down his jeans, he pulls off his thermal shirt. I run my fingers over his chest. Kissing his tummy, moving down to his semihard cock. I took his cock in my hand, stroking it gently but nothing too serious, nothing that would get him super excited. I held his cock in one hand and rubbed the head with my other hand, circular motions. I heard a few sounds of enjoyment from his lips. He laid his head back and shut his eyes. Then he would glance up at me and watch me again. Stroking more. What I  enjoyed was massaging his balls. I deliberately move my fingers over his pubic hair, his response was a turn on. He sighed and took a deep gasp, his head back with his eyes shut. When I paused he glanced at me.

I gave him that look. I took his cock into my mouth. He has a nice-looking cock. He’s cock is standard size, I like the way it looks and how it feels in my mouth. His cock isn’t too thick but thank goodness it isn’t too thin either. He’s very natural with his wild, long dark pubic hair. He watches me take all his cock into my mouth. I feel the bottom of his cock and I breathe in his scent. My hands are caressing his body, fingers moving through his pubic hair and the other hand caressing his balls. My mouth moves up & down his rod, my tongue swirls around the tip with a light force and I listen to him moan once again. Deep. Deeper. His cock hits the back of my throat. I didn’t struggle to accommodate him in nor did his cock make my eyes (this time). I was taking him in slowly, Playing with him, teasing him, watching his response with every move. There was a sexblogger, latina, sex stories, oral sex, blowjobmoment when I was sucking on him, licking his cock with my tongue. I glanced at him and he watched at me. It’s not something I regularly do when giving a lover a blowjob. It’s something that makes me feel like I am connecting with the man and that’s not always a good idea. But Mr. Sam is tender, sensitive and has demons that torment him more than mine ever do.

I saw him settle back into his pillow, his arm over his forehead. He’s breathing hard, his body is tight. My hands reach up his chest. I suck faster. I listen to him moan, this excites me on to hear him. I reposition myself to the middle of his legs. One hand on his now erect cock, kneeling I suck on him quicker. Harder. He’s moving his pelvis up & down to fuck my mouth. His movement is matching mine, I felt his hands on the sides of my head as I’m sucking him. He wanted to hold on to my head as he fucked my mouth with his hard cock. But his hands don’t stay on my head. He quickly let’s go of my head. I felt his body tighten even more as he stretches out. The deep breathing and moaning is increasing. I take his cock down to the bottom and swallow expecting that he is about to come. I watch his back arch slightly and I feel the surge of his hot creamy milk hit the back of my throat. I’m drinking and consuming his hot milk, suddenly I can no longer keep up with the volume of cream that is filling up my mouth. He tastes sharp, bitter and salty. I felt his cock softened, his body was relaxed. I let his cock slip gently from my mouth. It was still dripping a little of cum and that’s when I took the picture.

Afterwards I joked with Mr. Sam “I couldn’t keep up with the overflow. That’s never happened before.”

With a chuckle in his voice he jokes “Overflow. That’s another new nickname for you.”

Good to the last drop” is the next post about Mr. Sam

Good to the Last Drop [SS302]

After Mr. Sam and I arrived back from the store. We went upstairs to his room to hide away from the world for the day. I enjoyed getting him worked up, watching him watch me. I couldn’t control my desire to feel him in my mouth, to taste him.

penis, sexblogger, latina, sinfulsunday,

I normally finish to the last drop but Mr. Sam has been without for a very long time. I couldn’t keep up with the overflow. I will be writing the story that leads up to this photo. I’m sure you wanna hear all about it.

The story is titled “My Mouth Couldn’t Handle the Overflow”

Day 16 of 365 – Hiding Away

Monday was Martin Luther King’s Birthday so I didn’t have to work. I told Mr. Sam I was free most of the day. He did his morning chores, called me after he was finished.

Sassycat3000, computer, sexblogger, photo a day, I picked him up to head to the grocery store to get some items for us.

It was a perfect day to hide away from the world. Damp, icy and rainy and cloudy. His mother met us at the door and his father was sitting in his chair. I walked past them and headed up the stairs.

2017@sassycat3000.net, sexblogger, Latina, photo a day, prisma I watched Mr.Sam set up his computer so that I could look at his art work and start working on photographing all of them.

Having Drinks with Mr. Sam

Sunday night is quieter from the other days, except during football season. But, due to the weather this was a dead Sunday at the dive bar. Mr. Sam must have walked in seconds before I did, he was still taking off his coat. There wasn’t a good place at the bar, so we walked over to the corner booth. It’s a round booth in the corner, tucked away from onlookers.
“Sitting here isn’t going to be obvious, is it?” He said.
“I don’t care. We aren’t doing anything wrong.” I replied.
“Yet…you forgot to say yet.”
I laughed after he said that. We sat there for a few minutes before Astro walked over to turn on the overhead lights and the bar lights. We both looked at each other and smiled.
He walked back to his side of the bar. A few minutes later “Bubbles” walked up to us … “How are you guys doing? Hey, I can’t believe how stupid Charlie is and what he did.”
I didn’t want to be in the dark, but I didn’t understand what she was talking about. I sat there and nodded my head. “Don’t worry no one associates you with him anymore.”
Now that made me kind of nervous, considering what other shit I have heard and been told on the street. “Well, thank heaven for that. We haven’t been together in years. We hung out together these passed through years. You know, Charlie his charming personality, it’s difficult to stay mad at him.”
“I know right. He really is sweet. But a total fuck-up.”
I laughed. We talked about some of our mutual bar friends and life. She got up after she finished her drink with us, walking back to sit at the bar.

henryshardsoda, drinking, alcohol, beer, photo a day, 365

Day 15 of 365

Mr. Sam & I were talking about general stuff, there was never any touching each other. We have tried to keep the status of our relationship a secret, but after last Friday I think it’s a bust. I haven’t even written about that night yet! oh lord.
We stayed until about 10pm. Catching a nice little buzz, we left and headed to his place.

“Are you gonna be brave enough to come inside or you gonna just drop me off?” I’m deciding on the two options I had, “Yes, I’ll go inside with you.”
I knew he lives with his parents who are both suffering from several health issues. I felt like a teenager again being snuck into the house. He held my hand as we walked up the stairs. Opened the door with his name on it, which I laughed. His parents were asleep, and it was so quiet in the house. I stood there as he closed the door behind him. “Do you want water or coffee?”
“Water…I need water.” I answered.
I sat on the end of his bed drinking my bottled water. He sat next to me, we didn’t speak a word. He started to gently caress my arm back and forth. I felt relaxed. He leaned in to kiss me and I kissed him back. We laid back on the bed, moving up on the bed. My boots are hanging off the edge of the bed because I wasn’t taking them off. He rolled over on top of me. We’re still kissing, I feel him grind his hard cock on me over our jeans. Can this really be happening? Are we dry humping? Yes. we are. Inside I’m laughing but on the outside we are kissing hard & deep. He rolls over on to his back and I curl up next to him. He holds me tight, caressing my back. I drift off on his chest. I wake up to the sound of myself snoring. He laughed. “I wasn’t falling asleep because I know you hafta leave soon.”
“Another 30 minutes.”
We talked about the rest of the week and he showed me some of his art work. Time was up and he walked me out.

Read what happens next in “Hiding Away” 

The Mental Torment of A Lustful Wife

Spending the NYE with Mr. Sam and it was all fun until he asked,

“Can I see you tomorrow for a little?”

I replied with “are you seriously asking to see me tomorrow?”

“Yes is that ok?”

“No I don’t normally leave my house on Sunday.”

“Ok.”

“Thanks for understanding.” 

He replied “I said ok not that I understand.”

And with that statement I felt fearful. Fearful for how this could end in the future. For one of those men who will do anything and I mean anything to keep me from leaving. Whether it’s through emotional manipulation or physical violence.  He sounded like he may be joking but the truth often comes out in jest.copyright2016@sassycat3000.net, Borderline, BPD, moody, unstable relationships, empty.

I also thought that how I do things so that people will like me, not to leave me and accept me. But the rational part of my brain tells me different. The mental torment in my mind is overwhelming. I also think that it’s so unfair for me to put this all on my Beloved. Because he is the one who will end up “fixing” my fuck up. Borderline people don’t mean to hurt their loved ones its just something that happens due in most part to their impulsive behavior. When the borderline is accepting to feed their ego, things get out of control fast.

I want the sex from Mr. Sam, but not at the cost of my home security. But I still want the sex. To feel the heat from his body, to feel each forceful thrust, to smell him, taste him. I wanna feel all those chemicals released in my brain, to feel high from the sex.

But pain and disloyalty I would cause my Beloved would break my heart. He doesn’t deserve this treatment from me, he’s done everything to please me, to accept me and mostly to love me.

READ MORE ABOUT Mr. SAM HERE

I just have to figure out how to get out of this mess I created for myself. Discreetly, gracefully. And mostly I don’t want to hurt Mr. Sam. He’s a fragile, kind and thoughtful person. He does have a good heart. Maybe misguided, misunderstood he’s still a human being with feelings.

He is hard to get a read on, most men I can figure out rather quickly not Mr. Sam. Perhaps that’s why I cant let him go. The need to find out what makes him tick is strong. Ugh. WTF! Someone just kick me in the head.

 

Examples of BPD symptoms in the above are….

  • The inability to say NO. Borderlines are afraid to say no out of fear of rejection, judgment.
  • Relationships: A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
  • Attachment fears.
  • Addiction to chaos and drama.
  • Lying and deceitfulness, mixed messages, self-contradicting.
  • Self-sabotage.

 

[I pledge my commitment to the Blog for Mental Health 2017 (2014 Project). I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others. By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health. I use this to promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma].

Getting a Bit out of Control

Since I’ve become acquainted with Mr. Sam I have been at the bar more and more. It’s an excuse for me to be out, to drink and to visit with him. Charlie created specific appearance for me to have while at the bar, he accomplished this without me being aware of what he was doing. Recently I have crawled outside the box he designed for me.
Now I have a choice. I can stay inside that box he designed for me or I can be the apparent semi-slutty wild chick I’ve behaved like.
I’m leaning more towards the second because I’ve already been behaving that way. So much so I think I have been labeled now. Labeled by Charlie’s crew, its like they understand the cat is away and the kitty is left all alone. They forget I’m married. FUCK I forget I’m married. When I’m home now, he is loving, understanding and gives me that tender love he thinks I want or need to keep me from straying. He says “I love you” a lot more. He praises me a lot more, but not in a way that makes it obvious to me. Because he does it more when I’ve returned from the bar.
My BPD symptoms have been thrust into over drive regarding Mr. Sam. I noticed that he has several Facebook profiles. Why? Why does one need that many? He only has a few family members on each one. There’s always been something about him I couldn’t quite place my finger on, but when he told me his secret, I felt that some relief. But starting last night, I can’t help with think …

WHAT THE FUCK am I doing!!!!????
Since I met you I’ve been crazy
Since I’ve been with you I’ve been lost
You make everything see hazy
Love comes with such a cost
Have I lost my mind?……..Follow Me Down by The Pretty Reckless.

This song played out in my head today. I feel crazy when I’m with Mr. Sam.
There is so much about him I don’t know. Yet I’m not afraid yet I feel no trust. It’s not like there are people who can vouch for him here. He doesn’t know anyone here.
What man says “we have a connection” with in a few months or even weeks of knowing each other. Yes, I feel it, like we have been acquaintances at the bar.
Asking me how I feel about him, telling me he will wait for me and that he is happy with having me in my current circumstances. Talking about love as if is was that simple.
Is it that simple?

Someone tell me..is it? Or I am simply mad?

READ ABOUT MR. SAM FROM THE BEGINNING
Being a person with Borderline, I truly don’t know what love is. I know the concept of loyalty, a version of love I was sold to believe by Walk Disney. I’m too emotionally unstable now. Thoughts swirling around in my head, trying to process what I felt about Mr. Sam. Is what I’m feeling love or lust? Or is it the symptoms of my illness I act impulsively, acting out in risky behaviors. Like unsafe sex, stranger sex and sex that feels so good you get addicted to it.

borderline meltdown, sassycat3000, mental illness, emotional, latina blogger
Over the past few weeks, Mr. Sam has come out to see me while I’m out. We always end up in my car, talking and then making out. No sex. Lots of kissing and lots of talking. I can’t believe I’m even sharing this here, but…but I think this may be important for my future story sharing and my sex life. Because I think Mr. Sam is stirring things up in me that have been stagnant. Not saying that life with my Beloved isn’t fulfilling, but sometimes its dull & boring for me. I’m sure it is for him, but we are like most couples in the sense we accept that we have different likes & needs in this area. This is another story for another time.
Mr. Sam seems like that type of man who loves hard, who also has an issue with letting someone go when they wanna leave. Which I think could be dangerous for me and my life. But there is still something about him that draws me in. He’s a dark and broken soul. But part of him scares me, especially when he wants a solid yes or no answer that I have feelings for him. The fact he can be happy with this arrangement. What kind of man does that? Weird thing is he hasn’t pushed the sex issue at all, he jokes about it. It’s mostly sexual innuendo. There is no pressure for me to have sex with him.
I think he has deep seeded issues that I am trying to see. Why? Why the fuck do I care? And this leads up to being at the bar where Charlie & I used to hang out at. Meeting Mr. Sam there has brought a lot of attention to me. The guys treat me differently, trying to feel me up, making sexual comments to me.  But its only when they have been drinking but never a serious threat towards me. That’s the other thing that pulled me down, those rumors that I’ve heard about me. That I am “seeing” Mr. Sam on the side, having an affair. Ok, sure I admit kissing him and being attracted to him, but I’m still on the fence about fucking him or even carrying on with him. I’m not saying no to the idea but not yes either. Just riding with it for now.
But the rumors are by the PHG because a few of them have seen us together during the week. We were being antisocial to the others. Only because of the lies that were told by one of them about Mr. Sam. I’m not sure about all the shit either. FUCK. All this fucking shit pulled me down a well of darkness. Crying all day. I couldn’t stop at the end of the day, then I couldn’t sleep either. I haven’t been like this in months. I feel so lost that I scheduled an appointment with my counselor for this week. I haven’t had a session with her since my first informal diagnosis.  That should say something about this meltdown I had yesterday. That I’m reaching out for a direction in which I should go,  for an answer to why the fuck I’m doing this. Part of me thinks I’m trying to replace Charlie, to fill the chaos and drama with my own instead of his.  Make sense?

Examples of BPD symptoms in the above are….

  •  Impulsive and Risky Behavior: such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship.
  • Emotions: Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days. (Anger is the current mood I’m feeling stemming from the rejection).
  • Feeling like others are out to get you. Paranoid Thoughts.
  • Believing that You should not feel this way. Self-invalidating thoughts.
  • Unstable Relationships. A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn’t care enough or is cruel.

 

1 2