The Tie that Binds [SS314]

Mr. Sam, like Charlie is not a vanilla partner. Mr. Sam and I have been together for 7 months now, we are getting used to each other. We talk about almost everything, I tend to still get embarrassed about some things.

We recently discussed the idea of mutual masturbation, sex toys and other kinky ideas. He asked me to bring my bag of sex toys over, so I did. We went through all of my toys that were enjoyable for me to use. I had won a contest with some bondage rope included as an extra prize.

He had seen the neon green rope and immediately the Sailor in him started thinking of ways to use it on me. I have never been tied up before by any one. I have some deep seeded trust issues about being restrained. But Mr. Sam is different, even though I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop, a part of me trusts him.

He had mentioned some photo ideas before we got started, but once he started tying the rope, we forgot all about taking any photos. Until after playtime was over, I had to stop because I had pulled on the ropes too hard. Mr. Sam had used one long piece of rope with several loose knots in it for my ankles and wrists. I had pulled on the rope causing it to tighten around my ankles. I had left my socks on, pulled them off to look for any marks because the rope seemed really tight.

This is what I saw when I took off my sock.

 

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I will try to write a story about my first rope experience.

Meanwhile check out some other Sinful Sunday posts.

sinful sunday

 

I Love to Leave Bite Marks [SS313]

I have always loved flesh between my teeth.

His smooth creamy skin (or sometimes anyone’s for that matter) calls to me in such a way that I can’t resist or stop myself.

Especially, when I’m on top of a lover, seeing their midriff exposed and if I am working my way down their body to satisfy both our needs for oral gratification I tend to bite. I was kissing him, nibbling on his nipples. I bit one too hard and he cried out, but the sadist side of me became more excited. I started biting his stomach, but accidentally bit the spot where he had a surgical procedure done. I felt bad, because I know the skin can be more sensitive in those areas, so I moved on.

I worked my way over to his ribs, where the flesh can easily be bitten and pulled. I started biting as I normally do, but he started to tease me about something unimportant. I began to bite harder, pulling at his skin, twisting it between my teeth, pushing my tongue against the tender section of flesh between my teeth. My mind drifted into dark fantasy thoughts of tearing the flesh from his body, tasting his blood on my lips. I became even more aroused. If Mr. Sam had moaned in pleasure or even cried out, those sounds would have pushed me in an orgasm. When my hips move, when the need to relieve the “itch” between my legs becomes so intense that I would have mounted his cock or sat on his face. But Mr. Sam never cried out in pain, he never pulled away from my mouth like most people would. He didn’t tell me to stop, at once. He laid there perfectly still, which concerned me yet I didn’t care about the reason. If this is trust then I admire and adore him even more.

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sinful sunday

Why isn’t One Man Enough?

If you are a regular reader of mine, you already know about Mr. Sam.

Last week Mr. Sam hit a rough patch in our friendship. The next day I unloaded most of my emotional wreckage onto my Beloved. He sat there listening to me babble on about Mr. Sam. I think my Beloved thought that the newness of Mr Sam would wear off. However, it has not. Although Mr Sam tends to get under my skin, so does my Beloved so that’s not a big deal. My Beloved knows I get bored with life, friends, family and activities.sassycat3000, latina, sexblogger, relationships, lovers, affairs, wayward

Boredom is my main trigger that gets me into major trouble when I don’t keep a close eye on it. I can get into a lot of trouble when I’m bored. Is that the same as being bored with one man? I believe we were never met to be monogamous. Does that mean we get bored with one partner? I have become bored with my Beloved? Maybe. Routine. Is that boredom. Is it that I am a different person now that I was when I first married him? I think I am a little different, not much. I think that the woman I am now was hiding all those years ago.

My beloved & I have gotten into a comfortable marital rut. You know, routines, patterns and competency. And what is my trigger? Right, boredom. Routines and patterns cause boredom. Through out our marriage I have always had another man in the background. I refer that guy to “the drunk I need in my life.” Because 9 times out of 10 the guy who is in the background is some addict, mainly alcoholics. They provide the chaos and drama I need to keep me going.

Looking back to the early 2000’s when my life hit the skids, when I had my mid-life crisis. It was then I used the internet to escape from reality. I met a few men, through social sites I was on. These men don’t haunt me like they used too. The ones that are fresh in my memory are my 805muse, he was around for almost 7 years. A daily dose of my drunken muse, until he reconnected with sobriety and his cult the JW’s. Not sure about the time frame, but then enters Charlie. Charlie comes back into my life, having his drunk ass in my life was wonderful UNTIL his toxicity contaminated me after years of being clean. I enjoyed having Charlie in my life. However we both knew it was time to end it. So we did just that.

In October 2016 I met Mr. Sam. He has consumed a lot of my time since our meeting. I have neglected so much work, chores and other things. We text during the day when I’m at home. We text in the last evenings before I go to bed. Mr. Sam is always there. There was a few weekends ago when I kicked him to the curb for something I pushed him to do. After a night of thinking I might have lost him, I cried to my Beloved about losing my background guy.  I’m not sure what my Beloved was expecting with this new man in the background at all. I like having Mr Sam in my life, I know he’s always there for me when I need him. He listens, we laugh a lot, we party together and we can understand each other on a different level than my Beloved and I. I really do love Mr Sam, in my own crazy way, more so than the others. I really would hate to give him up. I can’t see what life would be like without him, yet I know deep in my heart – nothing lasts forever.

The morning I cried to my Beloved about Mr Sam, I asked him “why can you be enough? Why isn’t one man enough for me? What’s wrong with me, I feel the need to have two men or sometimes more in my life at all times?” I felt horrible about saying that to him, had he said I would have died. He sat there and listened, comforting me as I cried about the possibility of losing the other man in my life. What sick & twisted shit is this?

Mr Sam looked at me at said “You just want to combine me & your Beloved into one man, into your perfect man.” I laughed and smiled and asked “is that possible?” LOL. Deep in my heart I know this will not end how I envisioned it, but will probably end in more tears and shattered hearts than happily ever after. I wish I knew why one man is not enough for me.

This was Wicked Wednesday’s Prompt #248 

My Mouth Couldn’t Handle the Overflow [MM125]

Continuing from “Having Drinks with Mr. Sam” ….

Mr. Sam & I got comfortable in his room. He turned on his TV. I laid on the bed. We watched tv for a bit. Talking about the cool tv shows that each of us has watched. He lies on the bed opposite direction of me. I’m touching his leg and he is laying there looking at me. There are no words, just the background noise of the TV. I’m just touching him, caressing him and we are enjoying each other’s company. I crawled up to his lips and kissed him. We kissed for a while, but not for long. I pulled up his shirt so I could feel his skin.

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I stared deep into his eyes, smiled at him. I unbuckled his belt and unzipped his jeans. He watched me, helping me push down his jeans, he pulls off his thermal shirt. I run my fingers over his chest. Kissing his tummy, moving down to his semihard cock. I took his cock in my hand, stroking it gently but nothing too serious, nothing that would get him super excited. I held his cock in one hand and rubbed the head with my other hand, circular motions. I heard a few sounds of enjoyment from his lips. He laid his head back and shut his eyes. Then he would glance up at me and watch me again. Stroking more. What I  enjoyed was massaging his balls. I deliberately move my fingers over his pubic hair, his response was a turn on. He sighed and took a deep gasp, his head back with his eyes shut. When I paused he glanced at me.

I gave him that look. I took his cock into my mouth. He has a nice-looking cock. He’s cock is standard size, I like the way it looks and how it feels in my mouth. His cock isn’t too thick but thank goodness it isn’t too thin either. He’s very natural with his wild, long dark pubic hair. He watches me take all his cock into my mouth. I feel the bottom of his cock and I breathe in his scent. My hands are caressing his body, fingers moving through his pubic hair and the other hand caressing his balls. My mouth moves up & down his rod, my tongue swirls around the tip with a light force and I listen to him moan once again. Deep. Deeper. His cock hits the back of my throat. I didn’t struggle to accommodate him in nor did his cock make my eyes (this time). I was taking him in slowly, Playing with him, teasing him, watching his response with every move. There was a sexblogger, latina, sex stories, oral sex, blowjobmoment when I was sucking on him, licking his cock with my tongue. I glanced at him and he watched at me. It’s not something I regularly do when giving a lover a blowjob. It’s something that makes me feel like I am connecting with the man and that’s not always a good idea. But Mr. Sam is tender, sensitive and has demons that torment him more than mine ever do.

I saw him settle back into his pillow, his arm over his forehead. He’s breathing hard, his body is tight. My hands reach up his chest. I suck faster. I listen to him moan, this excites me on to hear him. I reposition myself to the middle of his legs. One hand on his now erect cock, kneeling I suck on him quicker. Harder. He’s moving his pelvis up & down to fuck my mouth. His movement is matching mine, I felt his hands on the sides of my head as I’m sucking him. He wanted to hold on to my head as he fucked my mouth with his hard cock. But his hands don’t stay on my head. He quickly let’s go of my head. I felt his body tighten even more as he stretches out. The deep breathing and moaning is increasing. I take his cock down to the bottom and swallow expecting that he is about to come. I watch his back arch slightly and I feel the surge of his hot creamy milk hit the back of my throat. I’m drinking and consuming his hot milk, suddenly I can no longer keep up with the volume of cream that is filling up my mouth. He tastes sharp, bitter and salty. I felt his cock softened, his body was relaxed. I let his cock slip gently from my mouth. It was still dripping a little of cum and that’s when I took the picture.

Afterwards I joked with Mr. Sam “I couldn’t keep up with the overflow. That’s never happened before.”

With a chuckle in his voice he jokes “Overflow. That’s another new nickname for you.”

Good to the last drop” is the next post about Mr. Sam

Good to the Last Drop [SS302]

After Mr. Sam and I arrived back from the store. We went upstairs to his room to hide away from the world for the day. I enjoyed getting him worked up, watching him watch me. I couldn’t control my desire to feel him in my mouth, to taste him.

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I normally finish to the last drop but Mr. Sam has been without for a very long time. I couldn’t keep up with the overflow. I will be writing the story that leads up to this photo. I’m sure you wanna hear all about it.

The story is titled “My Mouth Couldn’t Handle the Overflow”

Day 16 of 365 – Hiding Away

Monday was Martin Luther King’s Birthday so I didn’t have to work. I told Mr. Sam I was free most of the day. He did his morning chores, called me after he was finished.

Sassycat3000, computer, sexblogger, photo a day, I picked him up to head to the grocery store to get some items for us.

It was a perfect day to hide away from the world. Damp, icy and rainy and cloudy. His mother met us at the door and his father was sitting in his chair. I walked past them and headed up the stairs.

2017@sassycat3000.net, sexblogger, Latina, photo a day, prisma I watched Mr.Sam set up his computer so that I could look at his art work and start working on photographing all of them.

Having Drinks with Mr. Sam

Sunday night is quieter from the other days, except during football season. But, due to the weather this was a dead Sunday at the dive bar. Mr. Sam must have walked in seconds before I did, he was still taking off his coat. There wasn’t a good place at the bar, so we walked over to the corner booth. It’s a round booth in the corner, tucked away from onlookers.
“Sitting here isn’t going to be obvious, is it?” He said.
“I don’t care. We aren’t doing anything wrong.” I replied.
“Yet…you forgot to say yet.”
I laughed after he said that. We sat there for a few minutes before Astro walked over to turn on the overhead lights and the bar lights. We both looked at each other and smiled.
He walked back to his side of the bar. A few minutes later “Bubbles” walked up to us … “How are you guys doing? Hey, I can’t believe how stupid Charlie is and what he did.”
I didn’t want to be in the dark, but I didn’t understand what she was talking about. I sat there and nodded my head. “Don’t worry no one associates you with him anymore.”
Now that made me kind of nervous, considering what other shit I have heard and been told on the street. “Well, thank heaven for that. We haven’t been together in years. We hung out together these passed through years. You know, Charlie his charming personality, it’s difficult to stay mad at him.”
“I know right. He really is sweet. But a total fuck-up.”
I laughed. We talked about some of our mutual bar friends and life. She got up after she finished her drink with us, walking back to sit at the bar.

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Day 15 of 365

Mr. Sam & I were talking about general stuff, there was never any touching each other. We have tried to keep the status of our relationship a secret, but after last Friday I think it’s a bust. I haven’t even written about that night yet! oh lord.
We stayed until about 10pm. Catching a nice little buzz, we left and headed to his place.

“Are you gonna be brave enough to come inside or you gonna just drop me off?” I’m deciding on the two options I had, “Yes, I’ll go inside with you.”
I knew he lives with his parents who are both suffering from several health issues. I felt like a teenager again being snuck into the house. He held my hand as we walked up the stairs. Opened the door with his name on it, which I laughed. His parents were asleep, and it was so quiet in the house. I stood there as he closed the door behind him. “Do you want water or coffee?”
“Water…I need water.” I answered.
I sat on the end of his bed drinking my bottled water. He sat next to me, we didn’t speak a word. He started to gently caress my arm back and forth. I felt relaxed. He leaned in to kiss me and I kissed him back. We laid back on the bed, moving up on the bed. My boots are hanging off the edge of the bed because I wasn’t taking them off. He rolled over on top of me. We’re still kissing, I feel him grind his hard cock on me over our jeans. Can this really be happening? Are we dry humping? Yes. we are. Inside I’m laughing but on the outside we are kissing hard & deep. He rolls over on to his back and I curl up next to him. He holds me tight, caressing my back. I drift off on his chest. I wake up to the sound of myself snoring. He laughed. “I wasn’t falling asleep because I know you hafta leave soon.”
“Another 30 minutes.”
We talked about the rest of the week and he showed me some of his art work. Time was up and he walked me out.

Read what happens next in “Hiding Away” 

The Mental Torment of A Lustful Wife

Spending the NYE with Mr. Sam and it was all fun until he asked,

“Can I see you tomorrow for a little?”

I replied with “are you seriously asking to see me tomorrow?”

“Yes is that ok?”

“No I don’t normally leave my house on Sunday.”

“Ok.”

“Thanks for understanding.” 

He replied “I said ok not that I understand.”

And with that statement I felt fearful. Fearful for how this could end in the future. For one of those men who will do anything and I mean anything to keep me from leaving. Whether it’s through emotional manipulation or physical violence.  He sounded like he may be joking but the truth often comes out in jest.copyright2016@sassycat3000.net, Borderline, BPD, moody, unstable relationships, empty.

I also thought that how I do things so that people will like me, not to leave me and accept me. But the rational part of my brain tells me different. The mental torment in my mind is overwhelming. I also think that it’s so unfair for me to put this all on my Beloved. Because he is the one who will end up “fixing” my fuck up. Borderline people don’t mean to hurt their loved ones its just something that happens due in most part to their impulsive behavior. When the borderline is accepting to feed their ego, things get out of control fast.

I want the sex from Mr. Sam, but not at the cost of my home security. But I still want the sex. To feel the heat from his body, to feel each forceful thrust, to smell him, taste him. I wanna feel all those chemicals released in my brain, to feel high from the sex.

But pain and disloyalty I would cause my Beloved would break my heart. He doesn’t deserve this treatment from me, he’s done everything to please me, to accept me and mostly to love me.

READ MORE ABOUT Mr. SAM HERE

I just have to figure out how to get out of this mess I created for myself. Discreetly, gracefully. And mostly I don’t want to hurt Mr. Sam. He’s a fragile, kind and thoughtful person. He does have a good heart. Maybe misguided, misunderstood he’s still a human being with feelings.

He is hard to get a read on, most men I can figure out rather quickly not Mr. Sam. Perhaps that’s why I cant let him go. The need to find out what makes him tick is strong. Ugh. WTF! Someone just kick me in the head.

 

Examples of BPD symptoms in the above are….

  • The inability to say NO. Borderlines are afraid to say no out of fear of rejection, judgment.
  • Relationships: A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
  • Attachment fears.
  • Addiction to chaos and drama.
  • Lying and deceitfulness, mixed messages, self-contradicting.
  • Self-sabotage.

 

[I pledge my commitment to the Blog for Mental Health 2017 (2014 Project). I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others. By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health. I use this to promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma].

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