My Mouth Couldn’t Handle the Overflow [MM125]

Continuing from “Having Drinks with Mr. Sam” ….

Mr. Sam & I got comfortable in his room. He turned on his TV. I laid on the bed. We watched tv for a bit. Talking about the cool tv shows that each of us has watched. He lies on the bed opposite direction of me. I’m touching his leg and he is laying there looking at me. There are no words, just the background noise of the TV. I’m just touching him, caressing him and we are enjoying each other’s company. I crawled up to his lips and kissed him. We kissed for a while, but not for long. I pulled up his shirt so I could feel his skin.

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I stared deep into his eyes, smiled at him. I unbuckled his belt and unzipped his jeans. He watched me, helping me push down his jeans, he pulls off his thermal shirt. I run my fingers over his chest. Kissing his tummy, moving down to his semihard cock. I took his cock in my hand, stroking it gently but nothing too serious, nothing that would get him super excited. I held his cock in one hand and rubbed the head with my other hand, circular motions. I heard a few sounds of enjoyment from his lips. He laid his head back and shut his eyes. Then he would glance up at me and watch me again. Stroking more. What I  enjoyed was massaging his balls. I deliberately move my fingers over his pubic hair, his response was a turn on. He sighed and took a deep gasp, his head back with his eyes shut. When I paused he glanced at me.

I gave him that look. I took his cock into my mouth. He has a nice-looking cock. He’s cock is standard size, I like the way it looks and how it feels in my mouth. His cock isn’t too thick but thank goodness it isn’t too thin either. He’s very natural with his wild, long dark pubic hair. He watches me take all his cock into my mouth. I feel the bottom of his cock and I breathe in his scent. My hands are caressing his body, fingers moving through his pubic hair and the other hand caressing his balls. My mouth moves up & down his rod, my tongue swirls around the tip with a light force and I listen to him moan once again. Deep. Deeper. His cock hits the back of my throat. I didn’t struggle to accommodate him in nor did his cock make my eyes (this time). I was taking him in slowly, Playing with him, teasing him, watching his response with every move. There was a sexblogger, latina, sex stories, oral sex, blowjobmoment when I was sucking on him, licking his cock with my tongue. I glanced at him and he watched at me. It’s not something I regularly do when giving a lover a blowjob. It’s something that makes me feel like I am connecting with the man and that’s not always a good idea. But Mr. Sam is tender, sensitive and has demons that torment him more than mine ever do.

I saw him settle back into his pillow, his arm over his forehead. He’s breathing hard, his body is tight. My hands reach up his chest. I suck faster. I listen to him moan, this excites me on to hear him. I reposition myself to the middle of his legs. One hand on his now erect cock, kneeling I suck on him quicker. Harder. He’s moving his pelvis up & down to fuck my mouth. His movement is matching mine, I felt his hands on the sides of my head as I’m sucking him. He wanted to hold on to my head as he fucked my mouth with his hard cock. But his hands don’t stay on my head. He quickly let’s go of my head. I felt his body tighten even more as he stretches out. The deep breathing and moaning is increasing. I take his cock down to the bottom and swallow expecting that he is about to come. I watch his back arch slightly and I feel the surge of his hot creamy milk hit the back of my throat. I’m drinking and consuming his hot milk, suddenly I can no longer keep up with the volume of cream that is filling up my mouth. He tastes sharp, bitter and salty. I felt his cock softened, his body was relaxed. I let his cock slip gently from my mouth. It was still dripping a little of cum and that’s when I took the picture.

Afterwards I joked with Mr. Sam “I couldn’t keep up with the overflow. That’s never happened before.”

With a chuckle in his voice he jokes “Overflow. That’s another new nickname for you.”

Good to the last drop” is the next post about Mr. Sam

Good to the Last Drop [SS302]

After Mr. Sam and I arrived back from the store. We went upstairs to his room to hide away from the world for the day. I enjoyed getting him worked up, watching him watch me. I couldn’t control my desire to feel him in my mouth, to taste him.

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I normally finish to the last drop but Mr. Sam has been without for a very long time. I couldn’t keep up with the overflow. I will be writing the story that leads up to this photo. I’m sure you wanna hear all about it.

The story is titled “My Mouth Couldn’t Handle the Overflow”

Day 16 of 365 – Hiding Away

Monday was Martin Luther King’s Birthday so I didn’t have to work. I told Mr. Sam I was free most of the day. He did his morning chores, called me after he was finished.

Sassycat3000, computer, sexblogger, photo a day, I picked him up to head to the grocery store to get some items for us.

It was a perfect day to hide away from the world. Damp, icy and rainy and cloudy. His mother met us at the door and his father was sitting in his chair. I walked past them and headed up the stairs.

2017@sassycat3000.net, sexblogger, Latina, photo a day, prisma I watched Mr.Sam set up his computer so that I could look at his art work and start working on photographing all of them.

Having Drinks with Mr. Sam

Sunday night is quieter from the other days, except during football season. But, due to the weather this was a dead Sunday at the dive bar. Mr. Sam must have walked in seconds before I did, he was still taking off his coat. There wasn’t a good place at the bar, so we walked over to the corner booth. It’s a round booth in the corner, tucked away from onlookers.
“Sitting here isn’t going to be obvious, is it?” He said.
“I don’t care. We aren’t doing anything wrong.” I replied.
“Yet…you forgot to say yet.”
I laughed after he said that. We sat there for a few minutes before Astro walked over to turn on the overhead lights and the bar lights. We both looked at each other and smiled.
He walked back to his side of the bar. A few minutes later “Bubbles” walked up to us … “How are you guys doing? Hey, I can’t believe how stupid Charlie is and what he did.”
I didn’t want to be in the dark, but I didn’t understand what she was talking about. I sat there and nodded my head. “Don’t worry no one associates you with him anymore.”
Now that made me kind of nervous, considering what other shit I have heard and been told on the street. “Well, thank heaven for that. We haven’t been together in years. We hung out together these passed through years. You know, Charlie his charming personality, it’s difficult to stay mad at him.”
“I know right. He really is sweet. But a total fuck-up.”
I laughed. We talked about some of our mutual bar friends and life. She got up after she finished her drink with us, walking back to sit at the bar.

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Day 15 of 365

Mr. Sam & I were talking about general stuff, there was never any touching each other. We have tried to keep the status of our relationship a secret, but after last Friday I think it’s a bust. I haven’t even written about that night yet! oh lord.
We stayed until about 10pm. Catching a nice little buzz, we left and headed to his place.

“Are you gonna be brave enough to come inside or you gonna just drop me off?” I’m deciding on the two options I had, “Yes, I’ll go inside with you.”
I knew he lives with his parents who are both suffering from several health issues. I felt like a teenager again being snuck into the house. He held my hand as we walked up the stairs. Opened the door with his name on it, which I laughed. His parents were asleep, and it was so quiet in the house. I stood there as he closed the door behind him. “Do you want water or coffee?”
“Water…I need water.” I answered.
I sat on the end of his bed drinking my bottled water. He sat next to me, we didn’t speak a word. He started to gently caress my arm back and forth. I felt relaxed. He leaned in to kiss me and I kissed him back. We laid back on the bed, moving up on the bed. My boots are hanging off the edge of the bed because I wasn’t taking them off. He rolled over on top of me. We’re still kissing, I feel him grind his hard cock on me over our jeans. Can this really be happening? Are we dry humping? Yes. we are. Inside I’m laughing but on the outside we are kissing hard & deep. He rolls over on to his back and I curl up next to him. He holds me tight, caressing my back. I drift off on his chest. I wake up to the sound of myself snoring. He laughed. “I wasn’t falling asleep because I know you hafta leave soon.”
“Another 30 minutes.”
We talked about the rest of the week and he showed me some of his art work. Time was up and he walked me out.

Read what happens next in “Hiding Away” 

The Mental Torment of A Lustful Wife

Spending the NYE with Mr. Sam and it was all fun until he asked,

“Can I see you tomorrow for a little?”

I replied with “are you seriously asking to see me tomorrow?”

“Yes is that ok?”

“No I don’t normally leave my house on Sunday.”

“Ok.”

“Thanks for understanding.” 

He replied “I said ok not that I understand.”

And with that statement I felt fearful. Fearful for how this could end in the future. For one of those men who will do anything and I mean anything to keep me from leaving. Whether it’s through emotional manipulation or physical violence.  He sounded like he may be joking but the truth often comes out in jest.copyright2016@sassycat3000.net, Borderline, BPD, moody, unstable relationships, empty.

I also thought that how I do things so that people will like me, not to leave me and accept me. But the rational part of my brain tells me different. The mental torment in my mind is overwhelming. I also think that it’s so unfair for me to put this all on my Beloved. Because he is the one who will end up “fixing” my fuck up. Borderline people don’t mean to hurt their loved ones its just something that happens due in most part to their impulsive behavior. When the borderline is accepting to feed their ego, things get out of control fast.

I want the sex from Mr. Sam, but not at the cost of my home security. But I still want the sex. To feel the heat from his body, to feel each forceful thrust, to smell him, taste him. I wanna feel all those chemicals released in my brain, to feel high from the sex.

But pain and disloyalty I would cause my Beloved would break my heart. He doesn’t deserve this treatment from me, he’s done everything to please me, to accept me and mostly to love me.

READ MORE ABOUT Mr. SAM HERE

I just have to figure out how to get out of this mess I created for myself. Discreetly, gracefully. And mostly I don’t want to hurt Mr. Sam. He’s a fragile, kind and thoughtful person. He does have a good heart. Maybe misguided, misunderstood he’s still a human being with feelings.

He is hard to get a read on, most men I can figure out rather quickly not Mr. Sam. Perhaps that’s why I cant let him go. The need to find out what makes him tick is strong. Ugh. WTF! Someone just kick me in the head.

 

Examples of BPD symptoms in the above are….

  • The inability to say NO. Borderlines are afraid to say no out of fear of rejection, judgment.
  • Relationships: A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
  • Attachment fears.
  • Addiction to chaos and drama.
  • Lying and deceitfulness, mixed messages, self-contradicting.
  • Self-sabotage.

 

[I pledge my commitment to the Blog for Mental Health 2017 (2014 Project). I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others. By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health. I use this to promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma].

Getting a Bit out of Control

Since I’ve become acquainted with Mr. Sam I have been at the bar more and more. It’s an excuse for me to be out, to drink and to visit with him. Charlie created specific appearance for me to have while at the bar, he accomplished this without me being aware of what he was doing. Recently I have crawled outside the box he designed for me.
Now I have a choice. I can stay inside that box he designed for me or I can be the apparent semi-slutty wild chick I’ve behaved like.
I’m leaning more towards the second because I’ve already been behaving that way. So much so I think I have been labeled now. Labeled by Charlie’s crew, its like they understand the cat is away and the kitty is left all alone. They forget I’m married. FUCK I forget I’m married. When I’m home now, he is loving, understanding and gives me that tender love he thinks I want or need to keep me from straying. He says “I love you” a lot more. He praises me a lot more, but not in a way that makes it obvious to me. Because he does it more when I’ve returned from the bar.
My BPD symptoms have been thrust into over drive regarding Mr. Sam. I noticed that he has several Facebook profiles. Why? Why does one need that many? He only has a few family members on each one. There’s always been something about him I couldn’t quite place my finger on, but when he told me his secret, I felt that some relief. But starting last night, I can’t help with think …

WHAT THE FUCK am I doing!!!!????
Since I met you I’ve been crazy
Since I’ve been with you I’ve been lost
You make everything see hazy
Love comes with such a cost
Have I lost my mind?……..Follow Me Down by The Pretty Reckless.

This song played out in my head today. I feel crazy when I’m with Mr. Sam.
There is so much about him I don’t know. Yet I’m not afraid yet I feel no trust. It’s not like there are people who can vouch for him here. He doesn’t know anyone here.
What man says “we have a connection” with in a few months or even weeks of knowing each other. Yes, I feel it, like we have been acquaintances at the bar.
Asking me how I feel about him, telling me he will wait for me and that he is happy with having me in my current circumstances. Talking about love as if is was that simple.
Is it that simple?

Someone tell me..is it? Or I am simply mad?

READ ABOUT MR. SAM FROM THE BEGINNING
Being a person with Borderline, I truly don’t know what love is. I know the concept of loyalty, a version of love I was sold to believe by Walk Disney. I’m too emotionally unstable now. Thoughts swirling around in my head, trying to process what I felt about Mr. Sam. Is what I’m feeling love or lust? Or is it the symptoms of my illness I act impulsively, acting out in risky behaviors. Like unsafe sex, stranger sex and sex that feels so good you get addicted to it.

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Over the past few weeks, Mr. Sam has come out to see me while I’m out. We always end up in my car, talking and then making out. No sex. Lots of kissing and lots of talking. I can’t believe I’m even sharing this here, but…but I think this may be important for my future story sharing and my sex life. Because I think Mr. Sam is stirring things up in me that have been stagnant. Not saying that life with my Beloved isn’t fulfilling, but sometimes its dull & boring for me. I’m sure it is for him, but we are like most couples in the sense we accept that we have different likes & needs in this area. This is another story for another time.
Mr. Sam seems like that type of man who loves hard, who also has an issue with letting someone go when they wanna leave. Which I think could be dangerous for me and my life. But there is still something about him that draws me in. He’s a dark and broken soul. But part of him scares me, especially when he wants a solid yes or no answer that I have feelings for him. The fact he can be happy with this arrangement. What kind of man does that? Weird thing is he hasn’t pushed the sex issue at all, he jokes about it. It’s mostly sexual innuendo. There is no pressure for me to have sex with him.
I think he has deep seeded issues that I am trying to see. Why? Why the fuck do I care? And this leads up to being at the bar where Charlie & I used to hang out at. Meeting Mr. Sam there has brought a lot of attention to me. The guys treat me differently, trying to feel me up, making sexual comments to me.  But its only when they have been drinking but never a serious threat towards me. That’s the other thing that pulled me down, those rumors that I’ve heard about me. That I am “seeing” Mr. Sam on the side, having an affair. Ok, sure I admit kissing him and being attracted to him, but I’m still on the fence about fucking him or even carrying on with him. I’m not saying no to the idea but not yes either. Just riding with it for now.
But the rumors are by the PHG because a few of them have seen us together during the week. We were being antisocial to the others. Only because of the lies that were told by one of them about Mr. Sam. I’m not sure about all the shit either. FUCK. All this fucking shit pulled me down a well of darkness. Crying all day. I couldn’t stop at the end of the day, then I couldn’t sleep either. I haven’t been like this in months. I feel so lost that I scheduled an appointment with my counselor for this week. I haven’t had a session with her since my first informal diagnosis.  That should say something about this meltdown I had yesterday. That I’m reaching out for a direction in which I should go,  for an answer to why the fuck I’m doing this. Part of me thinks I’m trying to replace Charlie, to fill the chaos and drama with my own instead of his.  Make sense?

Examples of BPD symptoms in the above are….

  •  Impulsive and Risky Behavior: such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship.
  • Emotions: Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days. (Anger is the current mood I’m feeling stemming from the rejection).
  • Feeling like others are out to get you. Paranoid Thoughts.
  • Believing that You should not feel this way. Self-invalidating thoughts.
  • Unstable Relationships. A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn’t care enough or is cruel.

 

There’s Always a Motive with Charlie

I figured since I made it past Halloween that he was gone from my life. Most sociopaths leave after they have used up all the resources of their current victim. However, we have a strange bond I have yet to put my finger on. Being involved with a sociopath is a difficult and strenuous game. I would not recommend playing this game at all. It’s too easy to lose direction, your goal and most important your sanity. I have been sick for about 4 weeks now. Coughing most of the night, not sleeping well. I heard my phone vibrate, since I was already awake I figured I would look at it.

The text was from Charlie

“don’t know me still??!!

I know you! wassup?

mhmmm. wtf u been doing? not talking to me i know that much. but anything else interesting?

I figured you were busy.

(I lied) nothing interesting, just been sick the last few weeks. wassup with you besides drama?!

lol IDGAF everyone’s always in my biz but they always twist it up.

that’s the truth. what I hate is folks telling me about your shit. like one of your exes telling me you gave her your new number.

aha. she never used it. thing is that folks always add on to the story they tell about me.

true again. the stories are never boring for sure.

oh no?! why would they be that? hafta make juicy.

tacos tomorrow?!

it’s what we used to do, back in the day. then onto drinks, partying all long and running & gunning.

mmm tacos. not sure. I have other commitments (which I do, every night).

ahhh well just saying. well let me know when u can get away then…love to hang out with you again.”

Here is where I begin to see some of the motivation behind his contact.  The holidays soon approach, I was the one who can most relate to his loneliness and despair during the holiday season. I also know that he must be without a current victim. Someone who he calls, sucks up to to get what he needs & wants. Whatever that might be at the time. Otherwise he wouldn’t be texting me.

“it would be fun hanging with you too. but don’t think i would be able to anytime soon. we are so dysfunctional.

well, duh!!! well i’m sure u can work it out. U ALWAYS do!!!

true. but I’m trying to be responsbile. aren’t you working?

yup. i’m here. tired, bored and hungry.

Anything else new with you, that i don’t know about?

all about US!!! DUH

yes it is. there is always motivation behind all of our selfish actions. blog for mental health

This is where I let him know that I am aware of his selfishly motivated need to reach out to me. He wants or needs something from me, but what that is I am not sure of yet.

naaa. nothing really new. just working on that old case from C. (the crazy cunt, i call her). I hired a new lawyer.

oh. that case isn’t closed yet?! damn almost a year now.

nope. ain’t closed yet. they wanna gimme 1-3 and i ain’t going to the joint because of some crazy bitch.

(He sends me a photo of himself & a new girl in costume from this past Halloween).

oh your new girl? how cute.

nah just a friend.

i aint your momma or wife aint gotta lie

FRIEND! she already told me i’m too flirty with everyone so she could never be with me

you can wear her down, if you wanted too. if you go to jail, i’ll write you! lol

lol better come SEE me! yeah and u know babe, THAT’s too much work for me to try & wear them wear down

I ain’t driving more than 50 miles! lol there is always another one standing in line behind her.

EXACTLY!

ppl like us always have our next victim ready, move on to the next after bleeding the first dry.

This is my way of letting him know I still remember what he’s all about. How he acts, how he thinks.

lol ain’t gotta put it all like that honey. but it’s true.

it’s what we do and who we are.

I used to think like this, at times I still do. It just really depends on the person. Anymore, it’s just a matter of time before they leave my life. There are few actual friends that I have remaining in my life, for whatever the reason. I’ve been told on numerous occasions that I’m mean, heartless and at times manipulative. I will remain loyal to those friends who are in my life. I will do what I can, when I can. I will always be there for them when I can. It’s those others who for some reason, don’t click with me are the ones that don’t remain in my life.

ah well, guess it is what it is. just know i’m done with that love shit! never worked for me! see you should come out here to the parking lot…dark… secluded and i miss your lips!!!

And here we are! the admission of never longer looking for love and waiting me to visit him. His offering of a hint of what he thinks I crave & desire from him.


This is an old post that I found buried in my drafts folder. This was last year around this time. We started falling apart after this time period. As long toxic and dysfunctional relationships we couldn’t seem to let go of each other until we had no choice in the matter. Sadly, I keep thinking I can replace him with someone. How twisted is that?! Like most recovering junkies I’m trying to find another fix, but there isn’t one. This is all part of the insanity, torn in two.

I have written the end to this chapter of Charlie.

So ends the Chapter of Charlie

It was a Thursday evening when I walked into the water hole. He was sitting in the corner where he always does. I walked over to him, hugged him and kissed him on the cheek.
“What’s up babe, what brings you out?”
“Nothing. Just needed to get out for some air.”
Since our relationship had been on a gradual decline we don’t have much to say to each other. I sat next to him, we sat there together silently. I watched him anxiously look at his phone every few seconds. “Hey, let’s go to Bud’s Bar.” He had mentioned trying to hang out at a new place since we have burnt out our old place. “Sure, why not?” We walked out and headed over to Bud’s Bar. I knew the bouncer there. We would joke with others that we were related, it was a result from an inside joke. I figured that Auggie wasn’t working because it was a weekday evening.

Charlie & I walk in, there is Auggie sitting next to a beautiful blonde woman. I smiled and laughed, walking to him, giving a big hug. I introduced him to Charlie as my brother. Charlie went off in a stern voice “He’s NOT your brother, you’re an only child. We’ve known each other since we were kids and we NEVER mentioned a brother.” “Oh, for fuck sake.” I was kind of embarrassed by his behavior. Normally I don’t get that way with him, but this time he was different. Very stressed.

I drink alone

“We need to talk.” I knew I needed to get a few things cleared up with him. I needed the closure from him. Our relationship was no longer what either one of us wanted. We weren’t happy with each other anymore. The gossip, the acquaintances and the bullshit had taken its toll on our remaining connection as friends. We both knew we wouldn’t have sex again. We knew I was too afraid of catching something from him. Sex was taken off the table, but the friendship remained and now was in jeopardy too.

“Why did you leave me?”

“I didn’t leave you! I have all this shit to take care of. Babe you know I’ve been stressing on this court bullshit.”

“You left me, without a word. You stopped talking to me.”

“You told me that if I started up with CC again, you wanted no part of me, so if you call what I did leaving then I guess I did. But that is all on you. You wanted it that way.”

“OMG! You’re gonna try to blame your absence on me? Fuck you. Just let me go, I need to hear it from your lips. Tell me we are finished. Done. Over and I no longer need to be concerned with you.”

“You released from all obligations. We are done.” We both sat there silently, processing what just happened between us. I felt relief and sadness. I knew this could be the last time I see him. CC almost succeeded in killing him once, she might complete the job next time. His phone rings, he answers “Ok, Ok. Yes I’m here.” He looks at him “CC is on her way here, thought you should know. You can stay if you want to, but I can’t sit with you. You know she’ll flip out.”

“Oh yes and we can’t have that now can we? I’m glad she will take wonderful care of you.”

We stood there. Looking into each other’s eyes, I think we both knew it would be the last time for a long time, if ever. We didn’t hug each other. Just stood there. It’s like we both couldn’t do it. For whatever the reason we didn’t.

About two weeks afterwards, I was at the water hole when I was approached by damn near everyone there asking about his court date. I didn’t want to talk about it, but I knew he was there. All alone with his thoughts, demons to haunt him during the night. Months have gone by since then, a few barflies ask me about Charlie but I always respond the same way “I know nothing.” Last weekend I talked to some friends of ours, he told me that Charlie told him he had cancer. I stood there numb. There has been no confirmation of this piece of information I have. I heard he lost everything he owned. He was fired from his job, he was sleeping in a spare bedroom of friends, until they tired of him bringing different girls over their house. All the girls they mentioned I already knew of. I wasn’t upset, thrilled to death we didn’t have sex in the past few years he was back in my life.

I have been hunting for a replacement for Charlie, but that’s silly. However, being someone who have the tendencies to be addicted to drama, booze and other substances I want someone who I can watch so I do not have to get too close to the flame of destruction. I told myself that I will only go there a few more weeks. Then after the holidays I will lie low for a while, maybe reappear in February 2017. Put my energy where it belongs, here on this blog and in my home.

I will end the Charlie chapter here. If you want to read more about Charlie, there are several posts about him that are floating around my site.

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