No One Rides for Free

He thinks that he can lure me with the promise of gifts. I’m bought & paid for. I have only one owner-my Beloved. Mr. 43 has done something that I do not forgive when it comes to friendship or attempted seduction.

He had texted me off & on during this summer. Just general conversation, nothing of any substance, nothing that will keep me entertained by him. He offers nothing of himself. That’s his first strike. His second was hurting my feelings. I will take half the blame for that incident. I was PMS’ing and my BPD kicked in to overdrive. Now this is his third strike.

Be a good Gma and smile, have a good time. I’m going to Kohl’s, Barnes & Nobles and some damn jewelry store in the mall this afternoon and you know I’ll have fun.

oh I’m jealous. What are you gonna buy me?

How about some nice earrings?

OK! I’m not picky

You got it

A few days later our conversation picked up again.

I’ll be at the mall again around noon, if you’re interested.


mmmmm back at you.

We never continued with any plans to meet.

Sorry I missed you yesterday. I was later than I thought. Do you want me to deliver your gift or mail it?

I suppose we can have lunch next week sometime and you can give it to me then.

Sounds like a plan.


The following week didn’t work at all for either one of us. But this morning he text me early. We made arrangements to meet for lunch. My beloved knew about it. He asked “I thought you had decided against it.” I replied with “I want my earrings.” I packed up my grandson for the luncheon. Mr. 43 showed up. He started out with questions about my behavior at work after my #1 fan had left to return to England. Mr. 43 states “you changed, what happened between you & C?” I had a puzzled look on my face, because I had no idea what he was talking about. I know when I want information out of people I used certain tactics. One is asking a bogus question like that. As if he was digging for dirty, like maybe I would confess that my fan & I planned on running away together or that we had wild sex or something bizarre & crazy like that. He kept asking “something must have happened to cause you to become withdrawn & so reserved.” Why didn’t he think that I just might have wanted to be left alone?! He went on about the last day at work. “You just got up and left the bar. AND you left early! That’s not like you to leave early for the bar. You never do.”

Well, if you must know. I got bored. I can’t sit at a table from 2:30 to late in the evening. It’s two different crowds of people. He didn’t seem to understand that about me. He thinks because I like to drink on a Friday night and stay out late after work that this is now my M.O. It’s not. Where are my earrings? Where is my gift? Wasn’t that the entire fucking propose of coming out in the fucking hot humid weather? This is what I’m thinking in the back of our conversation. He’s still digging, talk about work, we all get new vehicles. Oh Boy! I get a brand new vehicle.

I never once asked about the earrings. I won’t. I did remind him of one of our first conversations about his admitting to wanting to have sex with me. It’s been my experience that when it comes to those men who come into my life. I always ask them “What do you want from me?” I need the guidelines, the rules to the game so I know how to play.

Come one, let’s be honest. Most men comes into my life for mostly one reason. I get annoyed when they try to hide it, So, they want something. Every human needs and wants. Just tell me, stop wasting my precious time. It’s gonna be a yes or no answer. Hit me with your best. Mr. 43 couldn’t gimme any rules or expectations of our friendship. Strike one. I’m an adult child with A.D.D. who has had an overdose of sugar then becomes over tired and doesn’t want to nap for fear of missing something resulting in a tantrum of some kind. Which he has been the subject of in the past. He says to me “most of it just rolled off me.” BULLSHIT mother fucker, It’s becoming infected, he’s still attempting to bed me. He told me “you’re so emotional, your swings are just a flip of the switch.” I laughed. He asked how does my beloved cope, handle and deal with it. I said “do not attempt to compare yourself to him nor try to understand him or us.”

He walked us to my car. “I probably won’t see you until we go back to work. You can’t be alone with me and this doesn’t seem to bother you.”

“Why should it? Are you expecting something?”

“No. No. I’m not.”

“Besides, you had your chance. Game is over. You’re out.”

“NO. I don’t give up that easily. I won’t give up that easily. I want you. No one else.”

Gas, Grass or AssThis game is over for me. I’m angry, annoyed and irritated with Mr. 43. How dare you lure me to lunch with the promise of a gift. Shame on me for even thinking that he would have gone out of his way. Shame on me for having expectations that he was telling the truth. He’s a poor representation of a predator with no skills. If he wanted to get in my panties, where are the earrings? Why tell me that your bought me earrings and not deliver? UGH. I’m not free. Every one has a price. My price isn’t earrings, but he said he bought me some. Where are they? I will never mention it to him. Leaving this week will be a great distraction from the irritation I allowed myself to feel.

The other thing about this situation is that he has no initiative. I’ve had men in my life, one in particular comes to mind. He planned “us” out. He got an apartment for duo purposes,  our encounters were one. He would leave work early, he was always scoping out places for us to meet up and have sex. Parks, bathrooms, out-of-the-way places, sometimes in his dad’s place. He was creative, that’s what I’m getting at. Mr 43 is so disappointing in that way, there’s nothing there to offer. That’s why I’m pulling the plug on this friendship.

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