One Leaves, One Returns

Returning back to work this week, I haven’t spoken with 43 since our “Crumbs” incident. He only says “Good Morning” to me now. He doesn’t look at my shoes or look at what I’m wearing. Well, from what I can see, he isn’t being so obvious about looking at me. It’s getting a bit easier not talking to him or not socializing with him. I just can’t see the point in going into work early like I used to, just to visit & goof around with him. Why did he have to ruin it? Yes, Harry was right.

Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.

Sally: So you’re saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?

Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail ’em too.

Sally: What if they don’t want to have sex with you?

Harry: Doesn’t matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

Read more about 43.

Yup. I agree with Harry. The sex thing is already out there. The friendship is doomed. Now, it’s awkward and sad. I enjoyed the camaraderie with 43 and C and myself. We were like three little peas in a pod. Now it’s ruined. Maybe not ruined however I don’t know how to fix it. Without giving him the wrong impression. If I am nice to him, will he get the idea that I would want to have sex with him? I can’t take that chance, because I don’t wanna have sex with him. For an older man I expected so much more.

There was a time when I would have used 43 for for a while. However “Hidden” is back in my life. This means that if I have specific needs I know that Hidden can fulfill them for me. I fooled myself thinking that he would have put me out of his mind. Those last few months when he disappeared helped with the detachment. I hadn’t heard from him since the time I dropped off his stuff. Yeah, I went there. Dropped his stuff off, went inside, sat on the sofa. We made small talk, trying to pick up where we left off. I felt uncomfortable & it felt forced. I stayed about 20 minutes until I couldn’t stand it anymore. He knew something was wrong when I kept looking at my phone, checking the time. That was two weeks ago. Then last night I get a text around 10:00 pm.

Lemme know if you want your scarf back?

Oh! I left it there?!   OMG! I had been looking for my scarf. Had no idea I left it there. How did I do that? OMG. What if he thinks I did it on purpose? Good grief!

When you want it? I can be around Friday or Saturday. I am working late during the week.

Whatever is easiest for you

what time

throw a time at me

Well on Saturday I have a party to attend to after 1 o’clock. Any time before that here at my place.

I can swing by before ya head out

Ok around 10:30 or 11:00 Saturday?

works for me

Maybe think about staying a while? Think about us. The way we used to be. Miss being inside you.

WHAT?! WHAT?! is he kidding me?! NO. NO. He’s not. If I’m in a weak spot in my life. I might be a danger to myself. However, today I’m not feeling very sexy, attractive or any thing remotely close to those feelings. So the answer is no. Go Away. I’m ugly today. He sends another text.

If you want I can get some condoms. I will get them if that makes you feel better. What ever you want. I’ll do it. Just think about getting back to the way we used to be.

I ‘ll see you Saturday morning. I can’t stay long. We can talk then. 

I can’t believe I am thinking about doing what’s floating around in my overstimulated mind. I know I can’t but it feels so good just to think about it.

 

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