Time has flown by. It’s been years since I heard from him. There’s been no one that has matched his passion for depravity. All those sex-crazed adventures in the woods, on the motorcycle, in the car and the one time in the bathroom. I do miss those hardcore hot sex hookups we had.
I sit here thinking of how he tasted on my lips. How his body felt against mine, his body heat. The way he pressed against me while we kissed. Looking back to all those times at his apartment. I would wear maxi skirts, short skirts with no panties underneath with my boots just for him. Remembering the times when his cum would run down my leg as I left the apartment. Remembering his scent on me long after we had parted. Remembering everything about him.
I miss the text messages from him. I wonder if he misses it too. I kind of figure that if I do he surely has to. I wonder if he misses any of it? I wanted so much from him, not just as a sex partner but as a friend or someone in my life. I wanted the spankings, the hair pulling, the aggressiveness but only from him.
Looking back at this addictive relationship, I wish I had treasured it more. I wish he had let me in sooner than later. I wouldn’t have been so mean, so cold to him. I thought I was matching his personality. Later I found out that was not the case, he really had some caring feelings towards me. But all that has past in the days of my youth gone wild.
I didn’t love him. I could never love him, merely addicted to his attention & sexual adventures. He always pushed me, my boundaries. Push past the fear and embrace that fear. Half the time, I wanted to fucking punch him in the throat. Sex with him was mind-blowing, over the edge orgasmic. Intense. Fresh & new. Then, there were other times when it was awful, towards the end it was getting bad. One-sided. The adventures had been played out. We were lacking in trust towards each other. We were feeding on each other’s weakness. One always trying to emotionally devour the other. Wait, that was just me. He wanted things to remain the same as before, but he was the one who changed the rules.
Looking back to the times with him, We were so young, so daring and extremely adventurous. How I miss feeling that way now. I never thought it would end. Did I settle for security? For safe? Maybe. Am I looking back with regret? Never. It is a treasured memory I can look back on, a learning experience in relationships.
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