The end of 2017 is just a few days away and its time to reflect on the progress that I may or may not have made.
That when it comes to relationships other than my marriage I still have difficulty trusting the person. I can slip into my old self when it comes to other relationships. My borderline issues become uncontrollable, I can’t see it happening until it is too late. There were plenty of times that Mr. Sam & I almost called it quits because of both of our issues.
I need to accept me. That those feelings, emotions and thoughts are not always a bad thing.
I learned that one of my triggers is boredom. Boredom?! Really? WTF? Also back to therapy a few months back to get a handle on the seasonal affective symptoms that arise during the winter months. I learned in therapy that I suffer from some anxiety. To everyone else who are close to me looked at me as if I should have known this fact long ago. However, I didn’t. I thought anxiety is something that other people experience, not me. I learned that I need to become mindful of my triggers.
I learned that loving two men is very time-consuming. Trying to balance out daily life, my men, work and everything else in-between can be exhausting.
Creativity is the opposite of boredom!
What did I do that was new?
I started a new hobby. It started when I was cleaning out old miscellaneous junk in our house. My Beloved would ask me “can you use this for something?” I would look at whatever he handed to me and come up with something I could make with it. I started looking into mixed media art. Basically I’m just transforming my odds & ends and making something else using it. I have so many odds & ends, not just craft stuff but other household stuff.
I wanted to use some stuff to create a shrine, shadow box, alter type of thing. I wasn’t sure what I was doing, but there are no rules in art. I started with making something for Mr. Sam for Christmas. Something that is just for him, I started making a memory box for my friend who took me to New Orleans with her to a concert. I made copies of all the photos I took of her and her family from that vacation. I’m putting those inside the box once I’m finished with it. I need to figure out a few things before I give it to her. Next I’m making one for my Beloved. I have a photo of his mother and him I will be putting inside of it.
Next new thing was I pegged Mr. Sam. It was my first (and his) pegging experience. I have yet to write about it, but I will say that it was beautiful. Awkward. Communication is the most important part of this sex act. I was afraid, insecure and nervous about doing this. I enjoy pegging him every chance I can. We have had some really good times together. Also some really crazy, emotional and intense moments.
Where did I fail?
I failed at my blogging. I let myself down and totally dropped the ball. There were probably weeks that went by that I didn’t post anything.
I failed at keeping up with my blog, waiting until the last-minute to try to get something done. Reviews were always pushed to the deadline and there are at least 8 of them that I still need to finish. I have almost 30 drafts that I started and not finished because I came to a road block.
Not sure that I would call it failing, but somewhere this year I lost my blogging mojo. Lost my ability to create some good photos that I could be proud of. My Beloved said “looks like you’re losing interest in your blog.” It wasn’t that so much as it was allowing other less important things get in my way and distract me. I allowed my drinking friends to distract to go to the bar and party until dawn when I should have done something constructive here on this blog. I think I failed by not learning how to balance out the two men, work, daily life and this blog and friends.
I failed at watching my weight. Don’t know what happened, but it got way out of control on me.
Significant events of this year.
- My Beloved retired from his job of 43 years. He has had several physical ailments that was causes him more pain than he could tolerate and it is all due to working the same job for over 40 years. Next year his disability status will become effective.
- I pegged my lover for the first time. It was a first for both of us. It is an experience I’ll never forgot and have made love to Mr Sam a few more times since then.
- I received my first payment for a writing a sponsored post.
- I received several items to review, more than the previous year.
- I am on Top 100 Sex Blog 2017 list (#69)
- My mother-in-law came to visit for the month of June, arriving mid-May and leaving fourth of July weekend. That was pretty much my entire summer vacation.
- I got paid for my first photo gig.
- I fisted someone for the first time.
- I ate a man’s ass like it was my last meal.
- My Beloved gave me my newest Harley Davidson for my birthday.
- I quit working with 29 hubs on Instagram and what a relief it was to do it.
I’m sure there are other events that I can’t remember and that I should remember.
What will I do differently next year?
- I will make a bigger effort to comment on blogs that I follow. I always worry about how my comments will be taken, so sometimes I don’t leave a comment.
- I will try to be more diligent when it comes to writing and publishing posts for this blog.
- I am going to try to keep up with my journaling. Not in to the bullet journaling, seems like that would take to make time to draw all those doodles and designs.
- I would like to be mindful of my moods, try to eat better for my health and pay better attention to my physical health.
- Be more considerate to my family & friends, listen more.
- I will try to reach out to people more. I’m not one to talk first or call, but I will always answer. I need to start being the first to reach out to my friends.
- I am not going to worry about judgement from others or worry about trying to fit in and write for myself.
In 2018 I will continue to write about my issues with Borderline Personality Disorder along with the other issues I have. Even thought “Blog for Mental Health” meme is no longer I will continue to write.
I will continue to write about sex, to be as positive as I can be. I want to share my sexual adventures & experiences.
I will be continuing to take sexy photos, participating in weekly & monthly blogging memes. I will also continue to support the sex blogging community.