Letting My Darkness Win

Today is just one of those days. I feel nothing. Should I feel something? I look in the mirror & see a monster, a freak…something that should never see the sunlight. So for now I’ll hate myself & play in my darkness.

I’ve slacked off on my blogging. I’ve slacked off on all my chores. I come up with all sorts of excuses as to why shit is not done.

My weight has spiraled out of control. “STOP bitching!”

I tell myself…”get up off your fat lazy ass and do something about it!”

Yeah in my head I can see myself doing the exercises, I see that beautiful body I want. Self defeat overcomes me before I even start.

Where the fuck am I going with this? Completely lost direction-again!

I finished my classes. Have another job. Where?!?! Working at a Halloween store. It’s actual work! Omfg! All that standing, walking. My back can’t take this shit. I’m sure there are other people out there that feel & suffer a lot more than I do. I have no right to complain. Do I? Not sure, what or how to feel.

My darkness is like those comfortable old pair of jeans.

5 comments

  • Yes it is hard to find the motivation sometimes . . . and seems to get harder every year doesn’t it!!!
    I try and just pull myself together and go for it, and then eventually things seem to fall into place.

    I’m hoping it will for you too !!!

    Xxx – K
    Modesty Ablaze recently posted…Modestly Yawning #Boobday FridayMy Profile

  • Hang in there, lovely lady❤️ Just a momentary low. A small blip that will make way for sunshine and happy times. ?☀️?? We know. We’ve been there before and so have you. After nightfall comes morning sunshine and happy bird twitter. And…we still love you!❤️❤️

  • Not liking that look… or more correctly the mood, its not sexy, and I think you are incredibly sexy. You have the right to complain and soon will get tired of hearing yourself and then it will be time to come out of the funk you are in. That’s how it usually works for me. I like Sassy Cat in the light and looking sexy.
    Elliott Henry recently posted…Head GameMy Profile

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