Letting My Darkness Win
Today is just one of those days. I feel nothing. Should I feel something? I look in the mirror & see a monster, a freak…something that should never see the sunlight. So for now I’ll hate myself & play in my darkness.
I’ve slacked off on my blogging. I’ve slacked off on all my chores. I come up with all sorts of excuses as to why shit is not done.
My weight has spiraled out of control. “STOP bitching!”
I tell myself…”get up off your fat lazy ass and do something about it!”
Yeah in my head I can see myself doing the exercises, I see that beautiful body I want. Self defeat overcomes me before I even start.
Where the fuck am I going with this? Completely lost direction-again!
I finished my classes. Have another job. Where?!?! Working at a Halloween store. It’s actual work! Omfg! All that standing, walking. My back can’t take this shit. I’m sure there are other people out there that feel & suffer a lot more than I do. I have no right to complain. Do I? Not sure, what or how to feel.
My darkness is like those comfortable old pair of jeans.