Why is that some people need closure? Why is it that some people can’t just move on and let go of past hurts? Is it healthy to keep a hold of all that negative energy?
I learned that you need to forgive a person for wrongs that have been done to me. It is healthy for the mind & body….
Understanding True Forgiveness
True forgiveness is something that only your body can do. Surprised by that? Here’s the deal. Anger and resentments are held in the body as well as the mind, and your mind can decide to forgive long before your body is ready. Literally, your body has a mind of its own. Here are some things to understand about forgiveness:
-Forgiveness is not just a decision that you can make in your mind
-Forgiveness requires an emotional and physical release to be complete
-Your body is capable of holding onto anger long after your mind thinks it has forgiven
-Forgiveness does not absolve the wrongdoer—you don’t have that kind of power
-Withholding forgiveness does not hold the wrongdoer accountable—everyone is accountable whether you forgive or not
-Forgiving doesn’t mean you have decided that what the wrongdoer did is okay
-You don’t have to wait for the wrongdoer to change for you to forgive
-You won’t be able to forgive until you have fully examined the depth and extent of your wounds
-You won’t be able to forgive until you have acknowledged the full depths of your anger
-Forgiveness is for you
-Forgiveness is good for your health
-Forgiveness allows you to be more loving and joyful
You will know that you have forgiven when your body is relaxed and your breathing is deep and easy—while you visualize the wrongdoer and say, “I accept you for who you are, with all of your best and worst. I no longer need you to change. I forgive you for myself, so that I can be free. I forgive you so that I can let go of resentments and feel love and joy in my heart, mind and body.”
Your body will tell you if the forgiveness is complete. (www.selfgrowth.com)
What I don’t understand, why some people just can’t leave something alone? I didn’t know I was had TOXIC friends. I guess a person doesnt realize it until those TOXIC people are out of the individuals life.
Life is a series of hellos and good-byes. It is about attaching, connecting, and often separating and then detaching, disconnecting and letting go. In toxic relationships all-too-often one or both participants are not skilled when it comes to limits, boundaries, or letting go. Toxic people get addicted and have issues of neediness that cause them to avoid letting go when a healthier person would run the other way from the sheer emotional pain and suffering alone.
Not all connections are healthy ones. Many people get involved in what are known as toxic unhealthy relationships or even friendships. You can identify a toxic unhealthy relational dynamic when you feel that you are losing yourself to the control, wants, temper, or abuse of another, or if you are the one becoming abusive yourself for whatever reason.
Toxic unhealthy relationships often play out the unresolved wounds of our childhoods.
In a toxic unhealthy interaction or dynamic what occurs is not a reciprocal respectful connection but is rather an enmeshed and/or entangled connection that is driven by the quest (consciously or subconsciously) to resolve old wounds. It is co-dependent not inter-dependent.
Toxic unhealthy relating is fuelled by disrespect, power struggles and attempts to control the person one claims to love from a foundation of feeling emotionally out of control oneself.
Most people may at one point or another in their lives experience this type of relationship or dynamic with a family member or friend. These entanglements can be compelling. They are extremely painful. They are often rooted in codependency.
Toxic relationships can be emotionally and/or physically dangerous or even deadly. The abuse and control exerted in these relationships must not be minimized or denied. It needs to be faced and dealt with. They are not easy to disengage or detach from. Each person in such a toxic unhealthy relational dynamic of any kind is getting something out of it. What is usually being derived from this “dance” is not in anyone’s best interest and it will, in fact, block your growth not help you to learn more.
What helps us learn more, in life, about ourselves, is when we find ourselves having made a relational mistake that we accept that and transform that mistake into a growth opportunity. The growth and learning however, cannot be gleaned, understood, or realized until we are ready, willing, and able to let go. Toxic relationships are everything that defies the word relationship. They are not about love – they are about relationship addiction – being addicted to chaos, drama and/or the other person. They are not desirable. They are painful. They are compelling in that given certain unresolved emotional issues from childhood, adults frankly get addicted to toxic relational schema.
Unstepping this toxic unhealthy relational reality is very painful. It often involves leaving a lost person to their own lack of understanding and lostness lest you be lostwith them and to them.
Toxic bonds, toxic trauma bonds, create a foundation for “love” that is not healthy love. It plays out more like hate. In a toxic relationship or bond the key element is actually betrayal. Betrayal of self and betrayal of the other person you are in relationship to or with.
If you find yourself too focused on someone else or not feeling that you are okay unless someone else in your life (partner or friend or family member) is okay than you are enmeshed and over-relating to someone – over-identifying with someone – and this is the abandoning of yourself – that is why it hurts so much.
You cannot rescue anyone but yourself. There are many ways to get lost in what many define as “love”. Love isn’t supposed to hurt, however. Real love is absolutely not about betrayal, disrespect, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and/or women abuse – physical violence. Toxic relationships are so prolific and sadly common these days that many people tend to “normalize” what is actually pathological.
In toxic relationships it is often when one or both people are avoiding their own emotional pain they over-focus on the other person often seeing them through a judgmental and critical pervasively negative perspective.
Too many people stay stuck in these destructive relationships due to an inability to cope with and a fear of lonelines. If you can relate to this please know that it is better in the long run and much more healthy in the long run to face the pain and challenge of loneliness than it is to remain in a toxic abusive relationship.
When we are ready to grow, to face our own pain, to do our own healing work and resolve our own unfinished business we will be ready to let go of this type of relational situation.
It is then that we will begin to spread our wings and fly toward the personal empowerment and freedom that our souls quest after and that each one of knows we truly deserve.