Today I have been busy cleaning out my office file cabinet for my move into a smaller room in the house. I have saved so much paper work. And for what? It’s an emotional thing when I have to look through these papers and decide what to toss out and what to keep.
Papers like my grandparents death certificates, their power of attorney papers, the last Christmas card my grandfather gave me. Newspaper articles about my younger days of being a single mother getting off welfare. Then there is all my lawsuit files. Yes, upon a time this little kitty had a great job. I sold my soul to Satan for the money. It was always about the money. Yet, it never seemed to be enough money. I used to think when the kids got older that we would be able to travel and have expensive toys and furniture. Nice furniture! Alas, it would not come to pass.
I fell down an emotional & mental pit. It was back in the winter of 2007. I went down that rabbit hole of anything to numb the pain. That job required me to take randoms due to IDOT regulations. I was on vacation for a week and the first day back I got a random. I knew it would be there might be a possibility that it could be positive. The worse part was confessing to my beloved. The result was negative, however my beloved suggested I use the Employee Assistance Program (EAP) for counseling. I recommend that if your company offers this program that you never use it. They so they are confidential but as I found out they are not. Find a private counseling center. I was told that I had to be assessed because I drive for a living and Illinois has strict rules on those sorts of things. I was immediately told I had to go into some sort of rehab assessment. I attended for two nights. I learned about grapes being made into wine. I was badgered about why I was there and how stupid I was for trusting the system to help me. Then during a group session I was escorted out of the building told that I had no insurance coverage.
I went to work the next day to find out about why I have no coverage. I found out that since I was an employee who married another employee I have no spousal coverage for certain items. This was one of them. Ok, next step. My employer & the EAP said I was required to attend some sort of rehab assessment program. On a negative drop. Wait? I went in voluntarily to counseling, yet I am being told I must attend some sort of rehab on a negative drop. Yes, I have all the paperwork to support this so far. I quickly contacted my union president, she informed me that she had everything under control. However, she didn’t. She lied. She refused to take my phones calls. She never filed a grievance on my behalf. This “Christian” woman lied to me, lied about me and others believed her. I wrote several letters to the head chapter of the union. I asked them to investigate this and I received a letter stating the they spoke with the president and she told them I denied her access to my file. Lies! My Beloved wrote a letter complaining about this behavior, another letter was received stating they saw no wrong doing.
This union has had its issue before. The previous president was indicted for embezzlement. She even got to keep her job, work off all the money she had stolen with no jail time. When I started working there it was a good union, represented with some really good older male drivers. Those old guys knew what it meant to be in a union. They knew what was important, but when I left there no one had any idea of what right & wrong is. Stealing money, lying about fellow union members, sleeping with the boss to get perks. Stuff that is in the movies, I thought that it only happened in the movies. Sad to admit, those union stories are real. There are so many other stories I could tell you about this company. The union stories! Everything from padding the ballot box to, padding the books. It’s crazy. What’s scarier than any horror movie is that general membership just goes along with everything. They no longer stand up for each other, for any injustice within that union. It’s all very sad to me. People know about what’s going on, the drivers are too afraid to say anything. The company is one of those “good ‘ol boys” kind of place, however those “good ol boys” liked to hire “yes” people.
I was the type of employee that would take in a tape recorder into the meetings with my supervisors & union rep. One time my supervisor said “no you can not have that recorder in here.” I said “well then no meeting.” He grabbed onto both ends of the table with his hands began shaking the table and screaming at me. I left the room walked across the street to the police dept and reported him for attempting to intimidate me with physical aggression. I was labeled as a trouble maker. I learned the first disciplinary meeting that the company fudged the paperwork. They wrote stuff that was false. I began recording the meetings to safe guard myself.
So, now we have a company forcing me to attend rehab on a negative drop with no earlier legal or behavior issues. And second we have a union that failed to properly represent me. And yes I have the letters between the president & myself about this issue.
I attended the rehab program at $8 a session for a few weeks. This is where the “poor people” go for rehab, those that are in legal trouble, DUI’s, drug charges, domestic offenders. It’s the place the judge sends you because you have hit bottom. Some hardcore guys in there, women who hasn’t seen their kids because they are strung out trying to get clean. Here I work a full-time job, own a house, cars, motorcycles and raising my kids. My legal record was clean. Nothing but a seat-belt violation. I watched “The Secret” movie, you know after the book. I cut out photos of magazines and glued them to construction paper. I don’t even remember what the purpose was. I meant with my counselor there, she asked me “what are you doing here?” In that voice of disbelief & confusion. She basically did the assessment and said something like you can stay and finish the program but I see no need for that. She spoke with my Beloved, said I had a wonderful support system. She was the one who said “a marriage like yours does not work for every one.” That’s the one thing I learned in the time I spent there.
Upon finishing that program, my employer wanted to know the details about why I went to rehab. What the outcome was. If I was safe to drive. Which, if any, substances I was addicted to. Is that legal? All on a negative drop and voluntarily counseling? Does anyone else see this wrong or is it just me being bitter? I haven’t felt like this in a while. Just re-reading all the documents brought it all up. I debated whether I should share this or not. I am always afraid of being judged then I thought “fuck it.” I did nothing wrong.
People often wonder why I stopped believing in God. Why I stopped being a Christian. This is why. God doesn’t exist in my life or in my world. A person can explain what ever they want to me about why this happened to me. However, my heart is hard and I no longer want to hear about God. Unions are another subject that I think is crap. I refuse to work for another union company. I have always worked for union companies. It was the way I was bought up. My grandfather fought to have a union, working for the Dept of Labor once upon a time. This union is so corrupt, it has been rumored that the federal government is looking into the actions of the current president. The same dirty president who failed to do her job for me and the sheeple that work there continue to walk blindly around. I was told once that it was a setup to get me out of there because I talked too much. That I was uncontrollable, that I wrote everything down in my notebooks, took photos. That I could really cause them a headache if I wanted. I have no proof just what someone overheard while in the driver’s room, then told me what they overheard. Wouldn’t surprise me, the company has done it before.
Now, I sit here. Getting ready to toss out all it. Saying goodbye to an entire year that was wasted on this. If you’re wondering why I didn’t continue. It was because we were out of money. The company knew it would happen sooner than later. The plan was to go through the American with Disabilities Act first and through the Dept of Security. But since I have no documented legal or mental problems that had been recorded somewhere, that case was tossed out. We planned on suing, a hybrid case of suing a federal agency & a large union. It would have killed us financially. We tossed in the towel, thus I hate God. Am I bitter? At a God that I was forced to believe existed, yes I am. I hate the fact that once a parent brainwashs a child with that idea of a God and hard work and honestly pays off. It is almost impossible to cleanse the mind of it all. I prayed to God every day during my trial & tribulation that I was going through. I had faith that God would protect me, vindicate me, that justice would prevail. I know that God would protect me, because I knew that I was doing everything the company wanted. Except for one thing. The company wanted to know what I was “addicted” to. I wasn’t addicted to any thing. I wasn’t dependent, my counselor highlighted it for them. God would protect me for any wrong doing, but my victory never came. My God had forsaken me? Doomed me to watch my beloved suffer, to have to work two jobs. To watch my children lose their savings because we had to eat and pay bills. Where were all those Christians that we knew, to help us? They sure wanted our tithes to the church! I’m suppose to worship this God?! No thank you. I’m done believing.
It was a long story, now you know why I hate God & unions.