Christmas brings a series of mixed emotions for me. As the years pass, I think Christmas has lost its luster for me.
I do have so wonderful memories of Christmas Past.
Back when I was 13 yrs old I received my first kiss from a 16 yr old. I gave him my heart that night while watching “It’s a Wonderful Life.” It was Christmas eve night. I remember it was something out of a movie, he was gentle and it was romantic. Kissing by the light of the television. He held my chin with his hand, guiding me towards his face. Because we lost contact, Christmas would depress me. I would always flashback to that moment when I fell in love with him. I needed closure. A few years back, I decided to enter his name in Facebook and voila! I found him. We did talk, I got the closure I needed and Christmas wasn’t so emotionally painful for me anymore.
Christmas doesn’t do anything for me when it comes to sex. Although I am on winter break until the second week in January. I tend to drink a lot more, go out to the bar a lot more and yes get into trouble a lot more. My impulsive and risky behavior is in maximum drive. Currently I am involved in a situation that has me afraid and excited. His name is Mr. Sam and I’m not sure what to do with him. I know that because of the Christmas holiday my involvement has escalated to a level that makes me very nervous.
I try to keep my mind occupied with things that won’t trigger any depression or outbursts. I avoid the work Christmas party, I avoid my family Christmas gatherings. My two oldest children do not call or visit to wish me Merry Christmas.
I guess that’s why I started doing my 12 Days of Sexmas photo challenge. It keeps me busy.
I think Christmas is when people are at their worse, rude and selfish. I believe that Christmas is for the young. Is my bitterness showing? In my household there are no exchange of presents with my hubby. He buys his own and I get money to buy mine. We used to do the gift exchange but it seemed like to much work. I didn’t want to do it anymore. Somewhere I lost my Christmas spirit. Not sure I even want it back.
I’m almost embarrassed to share this, like I should have some hot & steamy sex story but I got nothing.