Questions about Quitting [AtoZChallenge]

A two in one post. Q is for Quitting & Wicked Wednesday is about Questions.Q

In the past I have read a few articles about “starting a blog,” but what about when to quit blogging.

A blogger/writer should quit when OR why some bloggers quit.

  • They have lost their passion to write or blog.
  • Life events are more important than blogging.
  • When starting out bloggers do not realize how time-consuming blogging can be.
  • Not finding a blogging niche, not fitting into a specific blogging niche.
  • Getting discouraged because of no comments or getting too focused on blog stats.
  • Not finding a supportive, accepting or friendly blogging community.
  • Not being able to come up with blog topics.

Those were just a few that I had read throughout the blogosphere. Now here come the questions…

  • What would be the number one reason that you quit blogging?
  • Do you have an end goal in mind, that if you reach that goal you plan on quitting blogging?
  • Will you ever quit blogging about your main topics or your blogging niche? (Sex, Fashion, Food, Parenting, etc.)
  • If you quit blogging about your main niche/topics what do you think you will blog about or would you quit blogging entirely?
  • What motivates you NOT to quit blogging, even if your stats suck, no one comments and you really think about quitting? What keeps you going?
  • Is there anything about blogging that scares or intimidates you?
  • Is there any advice you would give to a new blogger about starting a blog in your current niche/topic?

Wicked Wednesday

As far as me quitting this blog. The answer is not anytime soon, however shit happens and I could have some life alternating event that would prevent me from continuing this blog. For now, you’re stuck with me.

 

Post Tramatic Stress Disorder [AtoZChallenge]

May 29, 2004 I was riding my Harley Davidson Sportster 1200 at dusk on an Illinois Phighway with my Liege & daughter in front of me on his Indian Chief motorcycle and about 6 motorcycles behind me. I see a deer to the right of me. I thought to myself “if I can just get past it then it will be ok.”

The lead guy cracked this pipes and that deer bolted towards me. T-boned me at 70 mph. I dragged that deer with me about 20 feet. If it wasn’t for the windshield I’m sure my tale would be different. I tried to down shift but the deer had kicked the keys broke off in the ignition. Bike is shaking hard. The deer still kicking gets caught up, spins around to the left side of me, hits me with the back side and momentum pushed me off-road down into the ditch. I kept traveling, overgrown grass slapping, cutting my cheeks as I pass. LIGHTS OUT.

After three months of being drugged, placement of a metal plate. I started having nightmares. Detailed flashbacks during the night, I became exhausted because I would refuse to go to sleep at night. I would wake up screaming, sweating. I went to my doctor after about a month of this. She informed me I was suffering from PTSD. I was given some medication. Which I stopped taking because I didn’t like the way the drugs made me feel.

May 2009 I was driving home from work in my Liege’s car. I had the green light going straight. A car turning to the right was supposed to yield to the green light. Meaning that after carefully looking for oncoming traffic they could legally turn on a green light without the green arrow. One car turned right in front of me, cutting my stopping distance short. Next thing I felt the sting of the inside drivers door pushing into my body. My body moving forward into the dashboard. The dashboard breaking into pieces at me, BAM. Airbag. Because I have a metal plate across my left collarbone I don’t use a seatbelt. The damage to my shoulder & chest would be far worse with the seatbelt. There was another car after the first one and that one plowed into me.

A trigger is the connection between the conscious mind and a buried painful memory.

 

That traumatic accident had triggered my PSTD. Before I had it mostly under control. However today when I ride my PSTD is active.

  • I have small anxiety attacks when approaching & passing through intersections.
  • Anytime the wind blows hard and I feel the motorcycle sway I get an anxiety attack.
  • I can no longer get the motorcycle speed higher than 60 mph before I freak out.
  • When cars get too close to me.

When my doctor first told me I had PSTD I thought PSTD goes away with time. But it never really goes away, it just goes to sleep until there is a trigger that sets it off. I still continue to ride my motorcycles suffering through those PSTD’s episodes. If I’m riding the bike and get an attack I keep telling myself “there’s nothing to fear but fear itself.” I repeat it over & over. I talk myself through it, I’ve only stopped once because I freaked out. I will not allow myself to be a prisoner of this illness if I don’t have to be.

It’s not that the person is refusing to let go of the past but the past is refusing to let go of the person.

 

 

 

Older [AtoZChallenge]

I’m getting older. This Thursday I will be celebrating a milestone in birthdays. Some women have difficulties with this, others embrace it. Right now I’m indifferent about the number & about getting older.O

Do you remember when you were young? Was life easier or harder for you? I couldn’t wait to get old enough to leave home or old enough to drink, just to be an adult. Sometimes I wish I could go back to being that irresponsible little kid.

There are perks to getting older.

  • Sometimes you can eat whatever you want when you want to. I like eating ice cream, sweets or leftover pizza for breakfast.
  • Senior discounts
  • I have an excuse when I forget things.
  • You can stay up as late as you want to.
  • Knowing more than when you were younger. Real wisdom to pass on to children & grandchildren.
  • You have wonderful memories.
  • You have more time to enjoy the little things.
  • You don’t care about what others people about you anymore.
  • You “paid your dues.”

Getting Older

It sucks getting older.

  • Your body aches a lot more than when you were younger.
  • You can’t eat anything and everything you want to.
  • Your mind says yes but your body says no.
  • Saggy skin…everywhere!
  • You have accumulated a life time of knowledge and your children still don’t listen to you.
  • You’ve accumulated a houseful of memories and your adult children tell you “Get rid of it!!!”
  • When you come home after work and immediately look for your pj’s to put on and pray no one stops by or you have to leave the house later that evening.

 

 

Mexican [AtoZChallenge]

“You’re Mexican aren’t you?”

“Where are ya’ll from? You don’t sound Mexican.”

“You don’t talk like Mexican.”

“Do you speak Mexican?”

Those are just a few questions that I have been asked in my lifetime. Just last week while in my local watering hole I was asked about my cousin. First the guy asked “you two are cousins, right?” As if he needed to verify this fact. He continues to ask me “How are you two related? She’s got a different last name.” I thought to myself “So what? Is that proof that we are not related or something?”

He went on “How did she get the last name of Taylor?” I think I rolled my eyes at him. I really wanted to punch him just for being stupid. The clincher was when he looked me in the face and said “If you’re Mexican how come she doesn’t look Mexican?”

For fuck sake. “Well, her mom married a WHITE dude with the last name of Taylor!!!” My cousin pops into the conversation and says “she’s 100% Mexican and I’m only half.”

Good grief. This is just one example of being Mexican.

M is for mexican[in the photo above starting at the left moving to the right; Dulce de Calabaza (Mexican Pumpkin Candy. It’s more like glazed soft pumpkin.

Next photo I grabbed from Huffington Post with sayings that are in Spanish that other nationalities say. I have yet to hear a Mexican say any of them.

At work there was a little old white guy who had to share that he drove by a auto shop that had this word painted on their sign and he wanted to know what it meant. (Pinche mufflers!)

Next photo is steak tacos with cilantro & onions.

All Mexican drink Tequila right?! Of course we do…not Jose either *gag* it’s PATRON Silver Baby! Try some Rum Chata with a splash of Pardon XO and that is some good shit. OR Rum Chata with a splash of Frangelico.

Middle photo is all about those Mexican candles that have a saint or Jesus on it and on the back side of the candle is a prayer to say in addition to your request. Mexicans tend to be suspicious and religious, world of counter dictations.

Tamales. Homemade. Time-consuming and always at Christmas. It’s basically marinated pork inside corn dough wrapped in a corn husk. It’s a tradition. And my childhood memories are filled with tamales at Christmas.

Olbeas con cajeta is my favorite Mexican candy. It’s goat milk caramel between two paper-thin wafers. The wafers always remind me of the catholic communion host wafers.

Another photos of Tamales ready to be eaten (by me!)

“Corn in a cup” used to be just an ear of corn on a stick, like at the carnivals. You can only  get this yummy treat from a street vender. When in Mexican any time I saw the Elote Man I begged my grandfather for money to get elote! Cause I love corn.  Only the Mexican version is boiled ears of corn where the kernels are plump with juice. There are different varieties to this item, but I’m used to mayonnaise, powered chili, butter, and cheese and lime. I eat mine without the mayo (yuk) and no cheese. and that’s what’s in the cup.

You can see the vendor preparing the corn.

“El Chapo” because Mexicans are all drug dealers (and lawn care workers). LOL.

More Tequila. See, we all drink Tequila (NOT!)]


 

mexican food

MWhen some people find out I speak Spanish they ask for translations. NO. You had an opportunity like I did to take Spanish in high school. No. I’m not translating. Pay me. I remember my father & mother would have to translate for the non-English speaking people who needed help. My dad would get calls in the middle of the night for translating. Finally they both said no, they were finished doing it. Then it came down to Union involvement and a few bucks of extra pay. I just lie and say NOPE I don’t speak Spanish. Then my boss hears me, I used Rosetta Stone! LOL. I’m a shit, I know. But I’ve experienced previous employers not wanting to pay me for my time but they have to pay a translator to come in to do it.  I figure it’s not worth my aggravation.

mexican alter

This is my alter (day of the dead) that is up all year long. With my grandfathers photo.

I was raised by my father, typical Mexican male. However, he taught me that life is cruel. Twice as difficult for me because I’m a woman and a minority. I was taught to speak English first and Spanish second. I was raised that even Mexicans are discriminative to their own. There is a difference between the migrant workers to the illegals and we didn’t socialize too much. I had to attend private school as did my parents. I did teach my children, who are half Mexican to speak Spanish and about the culture as much as I could. I have one major regret…is when I traveled to Mexico with my grandparents every summer from 1973-1982 then again in 1990-1993.  I regret not listening to my grandfather sharing the history of his life and the history of our culture. I just remember bits & pieces. Nowadays I often tease my mother and children with my Spanglish and Mexican humor. Now that I am older I miss the old traditions that I hated when I was younger.

Listen [AtoZChallenge]

Do you listen to yourself?

For those every day little decisions & ideas yes I do. For those detailed major life decisions no. I don’t always listen to myself. I run off and gather information and ask for others opinions.Listen

Sitting alone in a room quietly listening to myself? No. My mind will get bombarded with 1000 different thoughts. Sometimes one thought that will shoot off into another thought into another thought and so on. Then I think I fell over in sleep mode. LOL

When it comes to people, well … I try to listen to myself, but due to my emotion deregulation issues I find it difficult most times.

Try listening to yourself first. Take a few minutes and sit quietly somewhere without distractions. And just listen to yourself. A very simple form of medication. Breathe and listen to your inner voice.

Are you a passive or active listener?

I’m not a good listener. I’m a passive listener. I’m one of those people who doesn’t pay much attention to those who are not in my inner circle. I mean, sure I listen and I hear Charlie Brown’s teacher talking at me. I can admit my faults and this is a major one. I have tried (most of the time) to listen AND retain the information that I just heard.

If I just met you in a bar, I will nod and smile and agree with things you say like a good passive listener, but I won’t remember some of the things you told me the next day. Not because of the booze I drank, but because I figure I probably won’t ever see you again or that we will not form a lifelong relationship of any kind.

If you are in my inner circle and share with me things that are important in your life. Yes I will be listening. I’m still a passive listener not because I want to but because I interrupt and toss in my advice or personal experiences in to the conversation. I hate that about myself. I wish I could shut up and just listen and not offer any advice.

I used to tell my children and my Liege to touch me on my arm so that the behavior will register into my head that I’m to stop what I’m doing and listen to who ever is talking to me. Because when they would come to talk to me, I would be doing other stuff or in zombie mode and wouldn’t remember what they told me. Then they would say “Don’t you remember? I told you …. blahblahblah.” UGH … I hated that.

LThe following are some suggestions to help you with becoming a better listener.

  • Give your partner/talker your undivided attention. Put down or shut off your cell phone. Shut off any other distractions such as TV, radio. No multitasking of any kind.
  • Look at the person who is speaking to you. Face them, your body should be towards them so that they know that you are focused on what they are saying to you.
  • Do NOT interrupt, correct or pass judgment, especially when the talker is expressing negative feelings.
  • Try to put yourself in their place, in your own words repeat what they said to you so that they know that you heard them. Summarize what they said to you so that they know you understand what they said to you.
  • If your partner needs to talk to you about something important and the kids need attention, chores need to be finished, etc. Set a specific time when you both can talk without interruptions. Tell the kids that mom & dad are having quiet time in a comfortable room in the house and can’t be bothered for a specific amount of time.There are no set rules on any of these, it’s what works for you to become a better listener.

When my Liege and I first got together I would come home and emotionally vomit all over him. I had to get out my frustration, anger that I had experienced during the day. In the beginning he took it all personally. One day I came home ready to explode. He stops me and asks “Does this involve me? Did I do something to upset you?” I looked at him a bit confused as if to say “Why would you ask me that?” “NO. it has nothing to do with you!!! I just need to talk and vent.” A huge sigh of relief from him and he was ready to listen. I spewed unimportant stuff on him, it helped me with my emotional deregulation issues. It has become a routine for his listening and me talking. We set time before going to bed to discuss relationship stuff. That way we both know that whatever is being discussed is important because it’s about “us.”

One thing that we talk about is that we for any reason we switch roles from listener and talker that we are going to have lots of problems. I have tried to listen without interrupting or being distracted BUT I often fail miserably, haven’t given up trying (yet).

Illinois [AtoZChallenge]

 

ILEFT A view of the Hancock Building from Lake Michigan area beach. TOP RIGHT: A view of the Willis Tower.

Interstate Road Sign for I90 Chicago Loop.

The Hancock Building

Trump Tower

Route 66 Road Sign

Tank Top from “Boystown” in Chicago.

“The Bean” located in Millennium Park.

A view of Lake Michigan from the Skydeck of Willis Tower.

Intersection of Chicago Ave & Michigan Ave.

Chicago Illinois

  • I live in Northern Illinois. When online and asked for my location, I respond with Chicago. It’s easier than saying the name of the town and it gives the person a general idea of where I’m at. Sometimes I just tell folks I live in a Chicago suburb.
  • The “S” is silent and bugs me when people pronounce it.
  • For me a traffic jam is 5 cars trying to pass a tractor during spring & fall. This happens more when I’m driving to work in “corn country.”
  • Southern Illinois is like being in the south. A person can hear the difference in the accents between north and south. I feel like I’m in a true southern state.
  • I think the people not from Illinois view the state like this: Chicago is the northern half and corn fields is the southern half.
  • When I travel down to Texas to see the Manchild, the best part of the beginning of the road trip is driving through Illinois first. It takes around 5 1/2 hours to drive to St. Louis for us and it is the longest 5 1/2 hours of the trip. Same for when we drive back. I refuse to drive from St. Louis north towards home. UGH. Nothing to see, but corn or open fields.
  • I know its Spring time when the road construction starts, but anymore til never ends in the urban areas.
  • Some of the most dangerous neighborhoods are in Illinois. I’ve been to one of them.
  • I love that Illinois has 4 seasons. Spring. Summer, when it’s so godly hot & humid I pray for those 9 inches of snow that will come in a few months. Fall, which if you drive through Northern Illinois there is nothing more spectacular than seeing the leaves on the trees. The colors are orange, red, yellow and there is something about the smell of the leaves when you walk through any of the beautiful state parks. Winter, when we forget how to drive with the first snow fall, but quickly remember when we get 13 inches dumped on us all at once.
  • Illinois have wonderful apple orchards which serve the most delicious apple cinnamon donuts and other foods. Its great walking out to the orchards and picking your own apples.
  • The Chicago area is pretty famous for such people as John Wayne Gary who killed young boys and buried them under his home. Famous for Al Capone the famous gangster. Second City, associated with the TV series Saturday Night Live such comedians as John Candy and John Belushi. The famous highway known as Route 66.
  • There is a nuclear plant located in northern Illinois and on a clear day the clouds can be seen coming from the nuclear towers.
  • Illinois is a NO helmet required when riding a motorcycle. (Thank Heaven!)

PHOTO BELOW:

Starting at the left: A view of the Hancock Building from Lake Michigan area beach.

Top Right: A view of the Willis Tower.

Interstate Road Sign for I90 Chicago Loop.

The Hancock Building

Trump Tower

Route 66 Road Sign

Tank Top from “Boystown” in Chicago.

“The Bean” located in Millennium Park.

A view of Lake Michigan from the Skydeck of Willis Tower.

Intersection of Chicago Ave & Michigan Ave.

Chicago Illinois

Northern Illinois

ABOVE PHOTO:

UPPER LEFT PHOTO: Morning after the winter blizzard of 2014.

Traffic jam of tractors during harvest season.

Cardinal is Illinois’ state bird

“Tractor Day” at one of the local high schools in “corn country” when the seniors can drive their tractors to school prior to spring break.

Being stuck behind another tractor.

The Rock River during the fall.

Silos in corn country

It’s not unusual to see a turkey in the road or the side of the road

A thunderstorm fast approaching, tornadoes can occur at any time in this state. We’ve had them in February, thunderstorms during winter. Crazy weather.

Open highway between corn fields

Stuck behind yet another tractor

Those open highways become treacherous with blowing & drifting snow during the winter months.

Shoveling out after the snow storm of 2014.

 

 

 

 

Harness [AtoZChallenge/Product Review]

Thanks to Topcotoyz I was able to test out a complimentary TLC Eve’s Harness Strap-on Kit so that I can write my honest opinion about the product.TLC Eve's Harness Strap-on Kit

I have wanted a strap-on harness for a few years now. The kit came with one harness and two dildos of different sizes. One realistic flesh color 7 insertable inch dong with 1.5″ inch girth and the other is a purple translucent 6 insertable inch slimline dong with 1.1 inch girth. The harness is made of a material that resembles leather, but it is not leather. There are layers of fabric glued and stitched together. The harness was huge enough to accommodate up to 49 inches around the waist.

What I did not like about the TLC Eve’s Harness Strap-on Kit:

  • When I opened the harness kit I could immediately smell a hint of silicone. It almost smelled like paint. Taking out the two dongs for the plastic case, each one felt kind of sticky in my hands. I washed them and that it didn’t work. Still sticky when they dried out.
  • The harness was too huge around the waist. I had to make a hole in the harness so that it would fit more comfortable.
  • The slit type opening that is in the crotch area of the harness was not lined up with my body. I didn’t like the way it felt against my skin. I didn’t like the opening at all, it wasn’t comfortable for me.
  • The harness itself seemed cheaply assembled. You can look at the photos and see that there are layers of material that are glued together and cheaply stitched together. (See Photo)
  • The area that secures the dong into the O hole/ring has already torn apart after the second use. Not sure if it is because the dong might be heavy but when I tried to pull the Velcro tab open it to release the dong the tab tore. (see photo).
  • The dongs do attract hair, dirt, dust and general debris and even after suggested cleaning of anti-bacterial soap the dongs are sticky & may attract debris.
  • Price for this harness kit is $37.00. My personal opinion is that this is a bit pricy for the quality of the harness.
  • The harness doesn’t look like it should be washed. That means that it can only be wiped off. Not sure I like that. The inside of the harness is a soft smooth felt material. The outer side is a leather type material.

What I did like about the TLC Eve’s Harness Strap-on Kit:

  • This harness gave me the opportunity to experiment with strap-ons.
  • I did like the idea that there are TWO different size dongs. Especially when using a strap-on for the first time.
  • The harness was large enough for most people. Up to 49 inches which like I mentioned I had to punch a few extra holes for the harness to fit my properly.

I recommend this to my friends?

No. I would suggest to spend the extra money and get something more durable, long-lasting and possibly with non-toxic dongs. Out of all the sex toys I received complimentary for my review process this one is one that I am really disappointed in the quality.

I like being able to use this strap-on for photos.

[Disclaimer: I received the TLC Eve’s Harness Strap-on Kit  complimentary for testing purposes from Topcotoyz.com in exchange for my honest opinion of this product]

 

This review is included in my A to Z Challenge.

“H” is for Harness. H

Glasses [AtoZChallenge]

GI’ve worn eye glasses since I was in the 5th grade. Oh, how I hated it. It wasn’t cool to wear glasses. I don’t think it became cool until recently, within the last ten years. Maybe sooner, but I have only noticed since I’ve been online more.

I have found photography groups that are just for women who wear glasses. Kinky or not. I have found fetish groups that are for women who wear glasses and those who love them.

In the last few years my eyesight has gotten worse. It started about three years ago, when I would take off my glasses to look at my tiny phone. I would look at my phone at night in the dark. I started just taking them off, until I noticed I wasn’t able to see as clearly as before.

G is for glassesG is for glasses

Let me rewind before that. When I started high school, like most teenagers I wanted to reinvent myself. No Glasses!!! I begged my parents for contacts. Oh my god! I suffered through the “strange thing in my eye” until I became used to having the lens on my eye. I suffered through infections, sore eyes and eventually to the stage when I could no longer wear contact lenses. Due to my work environment of extreme temperature change on my face I developed “dry eye.”

According to Mayo Clinic the definition of dry eye is…

Signs and symptoms, which usually affect both eyes, may include:

  • A stinging, burning or scratchy sensation in your eyes
  • Stringy mucus in or around your eyes
  • Sensitivity to light
  • Eye redness
  • A sensation of having something in your eyes
  • Difficulty wearing contact lenses
  • Difficulty with nighttime driving
  • Watery eyes, which is the body’s response to the irritation of dry eyes
  • Blurred vision or eye fatigue

After several tries with different contact lenses I finally accepted my fate. I wasn’t happy. All those inconvenient issues I hated to deal with came back. Like bright sunlight, winter sunlight reflecting off the snow. Walking in to a warm building directing from outside and the glasses fogging up. Rain drops on the lenses. The reflection of the lenses when taking photos. I hate wearing glasses.

Sure I could get the surgery to repair my vision, but honesty the surgery is not high on the “we have extra money to spend” list.

Fast forward to a few years ago, when I went to get my eyes checked. I was told that I need bifocals. Wha?????? Bifocals? You mean I’m old?! Poor vision runs in my family. My parents wear glasses and both of my boys need to wear glasses. Bifocals!!! Well, this sucks. I got my first pair of bifocals with out the lines. Yes, it took me a few hours to get used to them. BUT then I found that I started looking through the bottom part of my glasses. Screwed up my vision, back to the doctor for another script and another pair of bifocals. But that time, my dry eye had gotten worse. Straining my eyesight once again to read and see things close up.

My daughter picked out my most recent pair of frames. She has a gift for that kind of thing. The styles of frames today are really the same as when I was a kid. There is a slight difference with some frames. I think same frames will still have the stigma or notoriety, like the nerdy black frames. The Ray Bans that the Blues Brothers wore in their movie. The cat eye frames that were popular back in the 50’s are now “stylish.” My kids don’t want me wearing any frames like I did back in the 80’s. You, know those HUGE Sally Jessy Raphael frames. LOL. Those frames are still out there, although I don’t see anyone wearing them, give it a few more years and those frames will be popular again.

I don’t mind wearing my glasses now that I’m older. I enjoy playing with them for sexy photos, but take them off depending on the type of photos I’m taking. I enjoy being and taking those sexy teacher or librarian photos, sexy nerdy student photos or just being as sexy as possible while wearing them.

I hate to say it, but it’s time I make another appointment with my eye doctor because once again for a third time I’m having problems seeing things close up as well as far away. I need to have it completed prior to my birthday this year, because my driver’s license needs to be renewed and requires…a vision test!!! If I don’t pass the driver’s vision test my license will be suspended and I could lose my job. Worst part the last time I was getting my eyes checked the word trifocals were mentioned. Sucks getting older.

G is for glasses

 

 

1 2 3 8