Why isn’t One Man Enough?

If you are a regular reader of mine, you already know about Mr. Sam.

Last week Mr. Sam hit a rough patch in our friendship. The next day I unloaded most of my emotional wreckage onto my Beloved. He sat there listening to me babble on about Mr. Sam. I think my Beloved thought that the newness of Mr Sam would wear off. However, it has not. Although Mr Sam tends to get under my skin, so does my Beloved so that’s not a big deal. My Beloved knows I get bored with life, friends, family and activities.sassycat3000, latina, sexblogger, relationships, lovers, affairs, wayward

Boredom is my main trigger that gets me into major trouble when I don’t keep a close eye on it. I can get into a lot of trouble when I’m bored. Is that the same as being bored with one man? I believe we were never met to be monogamous. Does that mean we get bored with one partner? I have become bored with my Beloved? Maybe. Routine. Is that boredom. Is it that I am a different person now that I was when I first married him? I think I am a little different, not much. I think that the woman I am now was hiding all those years ago.

My beloved & I have gotten into a comfortable marital rut. You know, routines, patterns and competency. And what is my trigger? Right, boredom. Routines and patterns cause boredom. Through out our marriage I have always had another man in the background. I refer that guy to “the drunk I need in my life.” Because 9 times out of 10 the guy who is in the background is some addict, mainly alcoholics. They provide the chaos and drama I need to keep me going.

Looking back to the early 2000’s when my life hit the skids, when I had my mid-life crisis. It was then I used the internet to escape from reality. I met a few men, through social sites I was on. These men don’t haunt me like they used too. The ones that are fresh in my memory are my 805muse, he was around for almost 7 years. A daily dose of my drunken muse, until he reconnected with sobriety and his cult the JW’s. Not sure about the time frame, but then enters Charlie. Charlie comes back into my life, having his drunk ass in my life was wonderful UNTIL his toxicity contaminated me after years of being clean. I enjoyed having Charlie in my life. However we both knew it was time to end it. So we did just that.

In October 2016 I met Mr. Sam. He has consumed a lot of my time since our meeting. I have neglected so much work, chores and other things. We text during the day when I’m at home. We text in the last evenings before I go to bed. Mr. Sam is always there. There was a few weekends ago when I kicked him to the curb for something I pushed him to do. After a night of thinking I might have lost him, I cried to my Beloved about losing my background guy.  I’m not sure what my Beloved was expecting with this new man in the background at all. I like having Mr Sam in my life, I know he’s always there for me when I need him. He listens, we laugh a lot, we party together and we can understand each other on a different level than my Beloved and I. I really do love Mr Sam, in my own crazy way, more so than the others. I really would hate to give him up. I can’t see what life would be like without him, yet I know deep in my heart – nothing lasts forever.

The morning I cried to my Beloved about Mr Sam, I asked him “why can you be enough? Why isn’t one man enough for me? What’s wrong with me, I feel the need to have two men or sometimes more in my life at all times?” I felt horrible about saying that to him, had he said I would have died. He sat there and listened, comforting me as I cried about the possibility of losing the other man in my life. What sick & twisted shit is this?

Mr Sam looked at me at said “You just want to combine me & your Beloved into one man, into your perfect man.” I laughed and smiled and asked “is that possible?” LOL. Deep in my heart I know this will not end how I envisioned it, but will probably end in more tears and shattered hearts than happily ever after. I wish I knew why one man is not enough for me.

This was Wicked Wednesday’s Prompt #248 

I can’t get away from them. 

It was on Fat Tuesday, I was at my home turf bar I’ll refer to as “The Railway Station.” I had decided I was giving up my home bar for the 40 days of Lent even though I’m no longer a practicing Catholic. However I miss the social drinking and visiting with friends well they’re not really friends they’re my drinking buddies. But I do have one or two girlfriends that I do like to drink with. My close friend always goes out on Tuesday’s so I decided to go to her bar and have a drink. I found that it’s not the same feeling that I need, want or looking for nothing like what I get from the Railway Station. Maybe it’s because I know everybody there but then I didn’t know people at my friends bar. The drinks are more expensive, the music is different, the people are different. I was thinking I’m not really having any fun here. I guess because I like watching people and  I didn’t find any interesting enough to watch and I was missing Mr. Sam because Mr. Sam and I do have fun together. 

During the evening a few of the patrons from the Railway Station walked in to the bar I tried avoiding them but one of the old guys came and talked to me filled me in on all the gossip that I have been missing out on for the last two weeks. He talked about going out on a date with one of the bar girls and acquaintance of mine. He asked if she told me about the date, I said no I hadn’t heard from her in two weeks since Fat Tuesday. I told Mr. Sam at a different time that it bothered me that some of these people say we’re friends but you know deep down inside you’re not friends you’re just drinking buddies.  Folks who meet in a bar and share the love of alcohol. 

Do I miss drinking? Sometimes I miss the feeling that the alcohol gives me. Other times I don’t think about it all. Most of the time I like sitting and watching the people drink their alcohol.

I finally left when one of the bartenders from the Railway Station walked in. He’s always been a bit of a dick to me. I’m not sure why, but I dislike his bartender manners. He can make a delicious coconut mule, lemon drop shot and other shots. I totally ignored him like he does me on Facebook. It was 9pm and I was yawning, had nursed my drink for the last two hours. I was totally bored. I left. Home by 10:30pm. Wishing I was still in the in-crowd, wishing I could be drinking where I felt comfortable. I can’t wait until Easter gets here.

Dates, Mates & Relationships [TMITuesday]

1. Which of these are you most often guilty of in a relationship:
a. jealousy…..this is really bad when I’m drunk. I’m jealous over men that I have no right to be, because they are not mine. I get a tab jealous of my few female friends however, not as much as with my men.
b. not apologizing…..I never used to say “sorry.” My beloved worked on me for years, I do apologize when its my fault or if I hurt you.
c. not keeping your word
d. guilt trips…not so much anymore, but I can still manipulate a situation for my benefit.

2. Which of the following behaviors would annoy you most in a partner.
a. fishing for compliments by verbalizing self-doubt…I do this more than he does, but he still does it just doesn’t bother me.
b. passive-aggressive behavior…this would get on nerves after a while.
c. usually forgets important dates i.e., birthday, anniversary…don’t really care all that much. Because I discussed that ahead of time. The only real important date is my birthday! My card and or gift must be on the dining room table before I start my day. Or it must be handed to me before my birthday, not the evening of shit.
d. making you feel guilty when spending time with friends

3. Consider you are looking for a mate, rank these traits in order of importance, with 1 being most important, and 7 being least important.
_5_ Kindness
_1__ Honesty
_6_ Ambitious
_3__ Confidence
_2__ Reliable
_7__ Assertive
_4__ Sense of Humor

4. Score! You exchanged numbers with a hottie. Now you: (pick one)
a. Wait for a week, see if that person calls you first.
b. Call the next day if not sooner.
c. Call and text incessantly. Let them know they’ve made an impression.
d. You’d never call. What if you get rejected?

5. How did you handle your last relationship break up?
a. You’ve never been in a relationship before. The timing’s never been right.
b. You went out and got drunk every night, until you forgot everything.
c. You went out on a massive amount of date, even with people you knew you had no interest, making sure to date a new face every night.
d. You felt bad and cried, but bounced back in a couple of days….months and months..I think that’s a year. LOL

Bonus: Would you take a holiday all by yourself, at the ‘spur of the moment’? Why or Why not? Where would you go? Probably not. I’m too scared to go too far from home…alone. I could travel to someone’s place by myself…but not just go somewhere, anywhere alone or spur of the moment.

 

Monday Morning Masturbating [MM131]

It’s a gray drizzly day in Northern Illinois. However, I made it through Monday with a smile on my face after receiving & reading these text along with these photos.

Good morning, Cat….. Thought of your new bra and wanted to show you the effect. I love seeing your breasts swelled in the cups. I like the color and the delicate decoration displaying such beautiful cleavage. It almost looks like your hand is between your thighs, I’d like to think you fingering your clit while taking your photo. Would love to see more of this brassiere, with you in it, of course.

….I woke up thinking of these pics….. I looked at them briefly before going to bed. You are desirable and I got hard thinking of you and as I squeezed my balls and stroked my cock I decided to show you….. the feeling of lust was still there, so I thought of sucking your nipples as I stroked my cock and felt myself cumming so I grabbed my phone.

masturbation monday, latina, sassycat3000, sexblogger, wank, cleavage

As I look at this new photo I may have to masturbate again….You are incredibly sexy, Cat….

I was busy with family things today. However, I arrived home an hour before I had to drive out-of-town for the second half of my work day. I’m sure you can imagine what I was doing before I had to leave for work.

I hope you enjoyed Masturbation Monday as much as we did!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

What are My Strengths? [BFMH]

So what are my character strengths? It’s always difficult to answer these type of questions. I got help with this and took a very intense questionnaire to get the following results. Starting with my top strength, the following are my top 5.

  1.  Humor & Playfulness – Like to laugh and tease, bringing smiles to those that are important. I try to see the lighter side of the situation.  Not sure if this is correct because I don’t always look at the lighter side of intense situations not when it involves me. However, yes, for those in my inner circle I will try to make them laugh because it’s a way for me to cope with the situation and to cope with the fact that my loved one suffering whether emotional, physical or spiritual, etc.
  2.  Judgement, Critical Thinking and Open-Mindedness – Thinking things through and examining it from all sides are important aspects of who I am. I don’t jump to conclusions and I rely on solid evidence to make my decisions. Yes, this is true. I need the facts, just the facts to make my decision about an important situation. I need as much information as I can get and process. However, when I hear the word “judgement”, I think of judging others. Most of my close friends tell me I judge harshly. I try not too, but if someone is making a decision and I have already told them it’s bad, then I judge. Rolling my eyes at them, go help them if they try to share their shit with me after the damage has been done.
  3.  Capability to Love and Be Loved – I value close relations with others, those in which sharing & caring are reciprocated. The people I feel closest to are those people who feel closest to me. True. I ask myself a lot what is love because there are times I feel numb. I doubt that the feelings I have felt for others is love, friendship. However, I will not tolerate a one-sided relationship of any kind. I will end it if I feel I am giving of myself (too much) and getting nothing in return. I may not contact my close friend daily  but when they reach out, I am always there for them.sassycat3000, latina, mental health, emotional, moody, black and white brunette, depressed
  4.  Social Intelligence – I am aware of the motives & the feelings of other people. I know what to do to fit into different social settings and I know what to do to put others at ease. Yeah, this is true. However, I can go deep into this topic. First thing that came to me, is that I want to fit in and belong to a group. When I don’t get that right away I find it challenging to make it a goal to fit in. Once I get into the group, I tend break from that mold they want their members to fit into and get pushed back out of the group. But by then I no longer am interested in being part of that group. Two; I always say “there is a motive for every human action.” I want to know what’s pushing them to do what they do. Most of the time I can feel what my close friends are feeling, I try to turn the tables so they can then see it from the other side. However, most of the time I can’t do this for myself. I need someone to turn the table for me.
  5.  Honest, Authenticity and Genuineness – I am an honest person. Not only by speaking, but by living an authentic & genuine life. I am down to earth and without pretense. I am a “real” person. I would disagree with this one. I am honest with it benefits me. I can be brutally honest to where I unintentionally hurt the other persons feelings.  I do not live a truthful, authentic life. I did once upon a time, now I’m lying to myself and others.

Spending time behind Bars….

Well….what the fuck?!

Where have you been hiding?

More like who have you been hiding under?

Most of ya’ll should know that Mr. Sam is keep me occupied from my boredom. OH there’s that word. I recently learned in my brief return to therapy or counseling which ever term you prefer to use, that the word boredom is one of my triggers.

I have not learned any solutions – yet. Still working on my homework & research for that.

My Beloved knows how quickly I get bored. How easily I can be distracted as well. Mostly he knows how important it is to be able to just feel the wind on my face & through my hair. Thoughts, ideas and other stuff fill my head. Listening for some answers from the universe. There is only one way I know how to do this. Riding a motorcycle. But the two that he’s bought for me in the past few years just don’t feel as comfortable as I would like my bike to feel.

latina. sexblogger, northern illinois, wind therapy, 2005 Harley dyna super glide

Suffering from PTSD from my motorcycle accident I tend to be skittish on my bike. It has to fit good for me now to ease the flashbacks. He located a 2005 Harley Davidson Dyna Super Glide and purchased it for me.

It’s perfect. Well, almost. The seat does spread me, causing me to walk as if I had been fucked every which way. Other than that its great. So Friday when I was supposed to meet up with Mr. Sam I went for a ride, by myself. Did I mention I had been (and still am) sick with a cough due to post nasal drip?

I’m riding every chance I get. Still a bit afraid of the traffic and the flashbacks but I push myself forward. I’m seeking answers for the questions that I really don’t want answers too.

latina, sexblogger, wind therapy, mental health awareness,

PS….Thanks to Damon @5150silverback for the riding goggles!!! GO FOLLOW him…he’s an awesome efriend & twitter mate!!!

My Mouth Couldn’t Handle the Overflow [MM125]

Continuing from “Having Drinks with Mr. Sam” ….

Mr. Sam & I got comfortable in his room. He turned on his TV. I laid on the bed. We watched tv for a bit. Talking about the cool tv shows that each of us has watched. He lies on the bed opposite direction of me. I’m touching his leg and he is laying there looking at me. There are no words, just the background noise of the TV. I’m just touching him, caressing him and we are enjoying each other’s company. I crawled up to his lips and kissed him. We kissed for a while, but not for long. I pulled up his shirt so I could feel his skin.

sex story, sexblogger, latina, sassycat3000,

I stared deep into his eyes, smiled at him. I unbuckled his belt and unzipped his jeans. He watched me, helping me push down his jeans, he pulls off his thermal shirt. I run my fingers over his chest. Kissing his tummy, moving down to his semihard cock. I took his cock in my hand, stroking it gently but nothing too serious, nothing that would get him super excited. I held his cock in one hand and rubbed the head with my other hand, circular motions. I heard a few sounds of enjoyment from his lips. He laid his head back and shut his eyes. Then he would glance up at me and watch me again. Stroking more. What I  enjoyed was massaging his balls. I deliberately move my fingers over his pubic hair, his response was a turn on. He sighed and took a deep gasp, his head back with his eyes shut. When I paused he glanced at me.

I gave him that look. I took his cock into my mouth. He has a nice-looking cock. He’s cock is standard size, I like the way it looks and how it feels in my mouth. His cock isn’t too thick but thank goodness it isn’t too thin either. He’s very natural with his wild, long dark pubic hair. He watches me take all his cock into my mouth. I feel the bottom of his cock and I breathe in his scent. My hands are caressing his body, fingers moving through his pubic hair and the other hand caressing his balls. My mouth moves up & down his rod, my tongue swirls around the tip with a light force and I listen to him moan once again. Deep. Deeper. His cock hits the back of my throat. I didn’t struggle to accommodate him in nor did his cock make my eyes (this time). I was taking him in slowly, Playing with him, teasing him, watching his response with every move. There was a sexblogger, latina, sex stories, oral sex, blowjobmoment when I was sucking on him, licking his cock with my tongue. I glanced at him and he watched at me. It’s not something I regularly do when giving a lover a blowjob. It’s something that makes me feel like I am connecting with the man and that’s not always a good idea. But Mr. Sam is tender, sensitive and has demons that torment him more than mine ever do.

I saw him settle back into his pillow, his arm over his forehead. He’s breathing hard, his body is tight. My hands reach up his chest. I suck faster. I listen to him moan, this excites me on to hear him. I reposition myself to the middle of his legs. One hand on his now erect cock, kneeling I suck on him quicker. Harder. He’s moving his pelvis up & down to fuck my mouth. His movement is matching mine, I felt his hands on the sides of my head as I’m sucking him. He wanted to hold on to my head as he fucked my mouth with his hard cock. But his hands don’t stay on my head. He quickly let’s go of my head. I felt his body tighten even more as he stretches out. The deep breathing and moaning is increasing. I take his cock down to the bottom and swallow expecting that he is about to come. I watch his back arch slightly and I feel the surge of his hot creamy milk hit the back of my throat. I’m drinking and consuming his hot milk, suddenly I can no longer keep up with the volume of cream that is filling up my mouth. He tastes sharp, bitter and salty. I felt his cock softened, his body was relaxed. I let his cock slip gently from my mouth. It was still dripping a little of cum and that’s when I took the picture.

Afterwards I joked with Mr. Sam “I couldn’t keep up with the overflow. That’s never happened before.”

With a chuckle in his voice he jokes “Overflow. That’s another new nickname for you.”

Good to the last drop” is the next post about Mr. Sam

E[Lust] 90


Photo courtesy of Rebel’s Notes

Welcome to Elust 90

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #91 Start with the rules, come back February 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Conflicted part 1

Glow

Happy Endings

 

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Please You to Please Me

How to suck my cock – part 1 (attitude)

 

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Visions of Sugarplums

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All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

 

Writing About Writing

The Curious Case of Trigger Warnings
Writing About It All

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

PLEASING THE MISTRESS
Reader Q&A: Dominant women struggle, turn-ons
Chastity Questions
Not every hole is a goal

Erotic Non-Fiction

A Picture is Worth…
Morning Stretch
Lovemaking Almost Too Brilliant To Describe
The GP
I Want
Indescribable Pleasure
Humiliating an ex-Nazi: Raylene’s 2nd dozen
Preparation
I love big, fat dicks

Erotic Fiction

Dude, You’re Wet!
When Love Becomes a Weakness
On a Silver Platter
The Silent Treatment
A Seasonal Affair
Three in a Stall
Schoolgirl Uniform
The New Principal 4: Escape

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Anal Retentive Or Just OCD?

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

BuzzFeed Femdom

Poetry

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Mistletoe: A Lusty Limerick

 

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