The Fine Line [F4TF2]

f4tf_button1In a monogamous relationship what constitutes cheating?

Is sexting cheating? A stolen kiss at a party? What about enjoying sexual fantasies about a co-worker or your spouse’s friend?

Where is the line?

 

Right. There is a fine line, it’s blurry and fine. I have been both cheated on and been the wayward spouse.

I would have to say that in a monogamous relationship – cheating is anything, such as the above that is done with love, lust, desire and passion. When a person brings emotions in the mix. That’s when its cheating in my book. In my opinion cheating is an emotional & physical affair, something that is ongoing with one specific person over a time. Sharing each other’s time, intimate details of each others lives, having a physical connection.

Being married a second time around I learned a lot from my first marriage.

  1. When a partner cheats it’s not always about love.
  2. The only rules for cheating are those that are agreed upon between the two partners. Meaning it’s not a one size fits all.

Sexting, to me in my opinion isn’t cheating. It’s mutual masturbation. I don’t take nude photos of myself so sending them is out of the question. Sure I’ll sext with a person, but that’s it. There is no “high” for me, I’m flattered a guy would even want to sext with me because I’m really bad at it.

A stolen kiss? On the cheek? No. On the lips? No. The line is thin now. Kiss on the lips with tongue? The line is thin and so blurry I can’t see it. I would say, the ice is about to crack and two people will fall in and drown in the icy water. Because the passion, excitement start to build, almost everyone knows where this will lead to. So I’m leaning towards a yes. Yes, especially if sexual tension between the two people is there, that attraction, etc.

A fantasy is imagination. It’s what you do with the fantasy that will decide if it results in cheating. I have a fantasy about pegging one specific man. I would use hubby but he already said “no, that’s not for me.” So, I’m left with what? I know this other man will let me peg him. We have discussed it. I would talk to hubby about it first and try to get permission (if given the opportunity for pegging). If he said NO and I did it anyway. YES that’s cheating. Because I’m doing it behind his back. I’m being intimate with someone else outside the relationship.  Keep in mind that’s if my fantasy turns into reality. If it stays a fantasy, that’s what it is. No it’s not cheating.

I guess what I think cheating boils down to is, as long as I keep my heart and my inner self for him. It’s his for no one else to see, break or touch. My heart & inner self is the previous thing I can give someone I love – him. 

 

3 comments

  • A very interesting read Cat
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    Kat recently posted…Good News / Bad NewsMy Profile

  • I think the problem is with the word “cheat”. Even in the most loving relationship, the partners’ sexual needs may be out of sync. How you choose to address that imbalance (or not, as that is always an option), is up to you.

    If you have sex with someone other than your partner, should you tell them? I guess this depends on a lot of things; how they would feel knowing; how guilty you might feel for “betraying” them; whose “benefit” are you being honest for.

    Sex, for such a simple, pleasurable activity, is such an emotionally complex one and humans have a horrible tendency to judge others by their own “standards”, when really, they only two people who actually matter are those it directly affects.

    So many variables, so many possible answers; we just have to find the best (or the least worst) one that works for us.

    Great post.

    KW

    • I agree. I will add, in my personal experience and from watching friends I know. NEVER tell about any serious infidelites. Especially one-night stands, that’s what they are one night. You don’t go back. I think it’s selfish to tell your partner about your cheating. Possibly attempting to relieve the guilt that you are feeling.
      It’s a gamble telling the partner. I think it really depends on your partner and how well you know your partner. If you feel comfortable telling them – go for it. If you think they will be hurt by it, why cause them pain?
      I already told my spouse “shit happens, I know this. I don’t wanna see it or have my nose rubbed in it. I don’t want my images of you or our marriage tarnished. I wanna be blissfully in the dark….BUT heaven help you if you bring home some funk or make my lifestyle suffer because you are spending our money on another woman.” Those are my rules. I’ll kill him and do it slowly it. He allows me a bit of fun, I don’t cross the lines he has set for me either.

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